AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

While at university, I regularly had to get up at 4am for work would work until 8:30 then dash home for a shower before lectures before returning to work until 9/10pm. It wasn’t pleasant and it meant I had to cut back on socialising but it was the only way I could afford university without a credit card or overdraft. Surely she can manage until another job is found?

When I was in my 20’s I was a junior hospital doctor working 100 hour weeks while simultaneously studying for my specialist fellowship exams. I would have loved your DD’s cushy life!

That's nothing Babdoc. Eee when I were a young whippersnapper I walked 20 miles each day to work a 25 hour shift down t'pit. I used to chew t'coal out've t'ground because pickaxes are for wimps. When I went on holiday I did 100 hour weeks as a junior doctor for relaxation.

She's 20. At that age I worked full time- out of the house 8:30 til 5:45, then worked in a bar 7:30 to closing 3 or 4 nights. One or both weekend days could be 12 hour shifts. Regardless, once I finished work, the fun started - often to a disco (I know I am dating myself) and often rounded up at the casino for breakfast. How the hell I did I do not know, but it was fun and I managed and I was able to save a ton of money.

I did sleep right through from alarm to late afternoon about once every other month though. It does catch up on you.

When I went on holiday I did 100 hour weeks as a junior doctor for relaxation

HA!
That's nothing. That would have been a spa break for me. Holidays for us were more of t'same - working at t'factory with a round trip of 200 miles on nowt but crusts an water, two broken ankles we couldn't afford to get fixed and no shoes, and we were GRATEFUL.

Please. One long day a week for a 20-year old? YADNBU.

I think she should quit her job and look for another one. It would be easier if the long day was right before the weekend, but on a Monday it's tough.

If she's telling you she's struggling you should listen.

I would have thought one long day a week would be manageable for most young people.

At that age (late 80's) I was working FT in IT and also had a 5-10 hrs overtime most weeks (as well as a 1.5hr bus, train, bus commute). On top of that I had a job in a pub on Friday nights so I was up at 5:30, home by 6 and in the pub by 7 until 1am. Still had enough energy for a good weekend!

Check she is ok mentally and physically, why is she finding it too much? Is she eating and sleeping well. If she just doesn't like the job she should find another job before packing this one in.

Had a similar situation while I was at uni and I changed jobs, found a new one that suited then worked my notice. To me that seems like the reasonable thing to do.

God - I got up @ 6am, got to work @ 8am, worked till 5pm.
Drove like the wind twenty five miles to start my next job @ 6pm - till 9.30pm. Home at 10.15. I did this Monday to Friday for over a year to get a decent deposit for a house I wanted to buy.
I was mid twenties.
Yes, your daughters Monday is a long day but she is young and gets three days off- three whole days!

But I think you are being unreasonable to be threatening her with eviction. If she is really really struggling can’t you help her d8nd another job rather than tell her ‘ do as I say with your life while you live in my house’. Is it not her home? Do you not want her to feel loved and safe ?

Each to their own but your opinion sounds like it needs to go back to the 1950’s. I certainly couldn’t be like that with my DD.

Eee when I were a young whippersnapper I walked 20 miles each day to work a 25 hour shift down t'pit. I used to chew t'coal out've t'ground because pickaxes are for wimps. When I went on holiday I did 100 hour weeks as a junior doctor for relaxation.

This isn't a race to the bottom type scenario that's worthy of a bit of jovial piss taking. The length of day that the OP's DD is doing once a week is a standard pattern for many people. It genuinely is not that bad.

Yanbu!

It’s Monday and then no work again until sunday ffs! The poor thing how would she cope, well she will have to adult up if the bank of parents don’t pick up the unemployed bill.....!

I reall6 do wonder where the work etchic is in some youngsters, I own a business and my god some of them

I know this isn’t a popular view but why on earth wouldn’t you support your child financially while she is trying to better herself? She is prepared to work while studying to improve her chances of a decent job. Would you prefer her to quit her course when she fails her exams because she is exhausted? She is also more likely to crash the car if she is tired.

This isn’t the right way to be a supportive parent. Encourage your DD to look for a new job and tell her that you are proud of her rather than thinking of throwing her out. I’m glad you’re not my mum!

bluesmarties
Totally agree. There are some real martyrs here

@MirriVan it sure is! And unless we all willingly want to work 100 hour weeks we're entitled snowflakes who don't the meaning of hard work

Prior to having children and going part time, my 5 shifts a week would be 8am until 6pm or 4pm until 2am depending on what sort of shift we had. I often did back to backs, so getting home at 3ish and going back in for 8ish. Just because I had it shit, it doesn't mean I want other people to. The opposite in fact. I don't understand why some people seem to think everyone should suffer because they do!

Too much on the Monday with a late night on the Sunday.. let her concentrate on studying...

She hasn’t got lots of days off - attending college is only part of it, she would have to be studying at home as well. I don't understand why any parent who could ( and the OP says they can) wouldn’t want to help their offspring in their efforts to get on the best possible track in life - and making it hard for them, out of some peculiar sense of it being ‘good for them’ is perverse.

That's too much if she's got to be in college the next day, she'll be tired and her concentration won't be great. An access course is t a walk in the park and she's trying to better herself, I'm sure you don't want her to fail the course and have to resit?

And all those saying at 20 she should be fine, my 18yr old couldn't cope with that schedule on a regular basis until 11pm and then studying with lectures the following day.

I think a 20yo adult who is in education 2 or 3 days a week not working is perverse, but not everyone was brought up with an easy life, guess its just what you're used to..

I think it's going to adversely affect her performance on her course.

After college she needs time to go over lessons, prepare for the next day etc which she is not getting.

If she's saying it's too much for her, then why not listen? Let her find a job for the days she is off.

I haven't read the full thread, the course will also have a lot to do outside of it, you have said you can support her financially so you should (if she is using the time to study).

The people saying the op is threatening to evict her.
I read it as, she can't sit at home and do nothing, she needs a job.
Not, I'm going to throw her out of home if she doesn't have a job.
Am i the only person that reads it like this?

I appreciate the long day after the evening shift thing may be a bit tiring, but how many people are missing she then gets two evenings off followed by nearly four whole days off? Plus presumably even when she works she can be in bed by midnight? Loads of time for socialising and catching up on sleep! She can get an early night on Tuesday if she needs to.

How much of the money that she earns from those two shifts actually comes to you?

I don't understand how it's going to make such a huge difference to you. Isnt it just her own spending money?

You need to make it so that if she quits life Is bit tougher for her to give her the incentive to find a new job. However it is a hard shift pattern and may affect her studies so i would say she should quit then temps while she looks for another job but she isnt just allowed to coast along sith no job.

Is there some kind of backstory to this? A poor relationship with your DD? Are you angry at her for not going to college straight after doing her GCSE’s?
I can assure you that having finished work at 11pm last night I did not come home and go straight to sleep, most people need a bit of time to wind down. On a Sunday night your DD will be getting a minimum of 6 hours sleep. She then has to drive nearly an hour and concentrate on learning. She then has to drive another hour back home to go straight to work until 11pm. Then wake up at 6am again the next day. That is two very sleep deprived days in college.
If you can afford to cover her basic living expenses while she finds another job I think you should do it.