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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

340 replies

SecurityPesto · 12/09/2018 20:44

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

OP posts:
30303030old · 12/09/2018 20:46

The Monday sounds really hard going

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/09/2018 20:47

She can leave the job- when she finds a new one. But tbh that is a brutal day but with Xmas jobs coming up she should fine one fast.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/09/2018 20:48

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

IMO, yes you are BU.

You need to start thinking of of your children as separate people, just because your eldest two did it doesn't mean that your youngest could/should or would do the same.

mimibunz · 12/09/2018 20:48

She’s 20, she will be fine with that Monday shift.

negomi90 · 12/09/2018 20:49

As someone who does 13h shifts regularly, that is too long and too much.
Is she looking for different jobs she can do?

EleanorRigbey · 12/09/2018 20:49

Monday does sound long but I agree with you, she shouldn't give it up. It's only only day of the week and no harm for her. When I was at college I had 5 days in college and worked 4 evenings.

I personally think it's good for her.

Socksey · 12/09/2018 20:50

It's only once a week.... if that's the worst she ever has to do, she'll be fine...

cookiesandchocolate · 12/09/2018 20:50

The Monday sounds hard but tbh college is only school terms (so many weeks off)
And it sounds like a great job to have. I would encourage her to suck it up just for a year. And perhaps make sure she has dinner and lunch ready for the Monday eve and the Tuesday morn (I know she's 20, but every little helps)

Original poster
SecurityPesto · 12/09/2018 20:51

Yes not denying it's a pretty rough day, but as it's only once a week, it seems rather manageable.

She says no to temp work... as she doesn't know what she'll do after Christmas 🙄🙄 so at a bit of a loss.

I can't have her not in employment, she'd have no income so it would then be my job to cover all food costs, bathroom stuff, etc.

OP posts:
LadyLance · 12/09/2018 20:51

The Monday does sound like a very un-fun day, and Access to He courses can be quite full on- especially as she has been out of education for a while.

However, if you can't afford to support her, you can't afford to support her, so she will have to find something else. Does she have any savings? If she is able to fund herself and pay you the same level of keep from her savings, I don't think you should ask her to leave.

It does sound like she is trying to better herself, so I don't think you should ask her to leave on principle.

nokidshere · 12/09/2018 20:51

She should be able to cope with that schedule at 20. She doesn't work or go to college Thursday, Friday or Saturday, one long day won't be that bad surely?

Do you mean that if she gives up her job you won't let her live at home? If I've understood that properly then yes I think that's unreasonable. Just tell her to look for another job.

RandomMess · 12/09/2018 20:52

She finds something else first, hopefully a shift swap will come up anyway!

She is young and fit so although a tough day it's only once per week she needs to get a grip...

tinyradish · 12/09/2018 20:52

I think if she is happy to find another job, that is fine. That Monday sounds horrible & I wouldn't want to do it.

However if she just wants to quit & do nothing - that's another story!

ArcadePixie · 12/09/2018 20:52

At 20, she should be able to do that shift no problem

Singlebutmarried · 12/09/2018 20:52

What hours does she work on the Sunday?

Singlenotsingle · 12/09/2018 20:52

Really, it's her choice. Presumably you weren't getting any money from her out of her 2 days' wages?

If it was my DD, I'd be saying she needs money to cover her own expenses so it would be best if she keeps the job she's got. Alternatively, don't leave until she's found another one.

Original poster
SecurityPesto · 12/09/2018 20:53

How long do I give her to find another job though? It took so long for her to get this one.

We can afford to support her, but it seems unreasonable to do that and I can't imagine that being any good for her.

OP posts:
Starstruck2020 · 12/09/2018 20:53

Yes YABU. The Monday sounds terribly busy then she still has to study Tuesday Wed.

And she’s only 20. What is her Sunday hours? I wouldn’t want every Sunday tied up with work at that age, a social life is important too. I would want her to get another job though

TheBigFatMermaid · 12/09/2018 20:54

I did an access course with 2 small DC, while working night shifts. The first year of the course, I was working the night before college, then I switched and worked the night after my day at college.

It sounds as though she is doing it over one year, so really only 9 months, so 45 days like it.

My advice to her would be 'toughen up buttercup'.

Unihorn · 12/09/2018 20:54

What time does she work Sunday? I assume it's daytime due to trading hours but just wondering as if she was doing Sunday pm, all day Monday, straight into Tuesday and Wednesday college all day then that would be a bit shit. It's certainly doable of course but not a particularly nice working pattern. I'm in hospitality and back to backs aren't great for sleeping patterns.

nikkylou · 12/09/2018 20:55

Hmm is her Sunday shift 5 - 11pm too? If so, that's a late night before a very long day, I can see why she wouldn't want to do that.
However, quitting a job without another to go into isn't a pattern to start. The rest of the week doesn't sound too onerous to schedule interviews around.
Recommend she looks for another job before quitting. But she's 20, you can't dictate she stays at a job, only refuse to let her neglect her responsibilities such as any rent commitments she has with you etc.

umdont · 12/09/2018 20:55

I would let her quit and find something else. She won't be concentrating well on the Tuesday

Iloveacurry · 12/09/2018 20:56

She should keep this job whilst she finds another job. Short term it’s doable.

strawberrypenguin · 12/09/2018 20:56

I'd say she finds another job first. That's what you have to do 'in the real world' she's 20 not a baby.

Trying93 · 12/09/2018 20:57

I dont think you are BU. At 20 I studied at uni 3 days a week and worked 25-30 hours as a carer. I often had to go to work from uni and yes it was hard work but it never done me any harm and it was worth it because I had money for stuff I wanted

Everyone is different tho and if shes struggling she could apply for another job if the days dont suit her

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