AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

YANBU, she should do the shift. It's not that long, and why shouldn't she do it? It would be a totally different issue if it were every day!

She is doing nothing on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. That's pretty cushy. She needs to get another job before leaving this one!

She works 5-11 Sunday too. It's an express store. So not too long.

I did the same at college, full day there 3 days a week then i'd go to my night job in McDonalds 5pm-10pm. I'd do a full shift at work thur and fri and mostly do the 5am start overtime shift for extra ££.

BUT I didn't have anyone else paying my way and in fact I was sleeping on my grandmas sofa and gave her as much money as possible. It set me up really well for my career and I've always had a really good work ethic, appreciated the value of money (or lack thereof, nothing like working your arse off for £4.35 an hour to make you stick in at college!!) and owned my own home at 20. So whilst you can't force her, I certainly wouldn't be making it easy for her to just give it up because she can't be bothered. Its not easy but it's certainly not physically impossible.

Misread your post. Unreasonable to throw her out but not unreasonable to tell her she can't quit her job

SecurityPesto Wed 12-Sep-18 20:51:00
Yes not denying it's a pretty rough day, but as it's only once a week, it seems rather manageable.

She says no to temp work... as she doesn't know what she'll do after Christmas 🙄🙄 so at a bit of a loss.

I can't have her not in employment, she'd have no income so it would then be my job to cover all food costs, bathroom stuff, etc.
............

That's what parents do!!!!

For goodness sake you don't expect the girl to pay for her keep when she is studying, surely?

Monday sounds like a horrific day, I wouldn't have done it at her age.
She'll find another job. Threatening to kick her out is not helpful.

Yes, this is a welcome to the real world moment. When she finds something else she can leave.

Did her siblings work through uni?

It’s up to her but make it clear that you will not make up for the financial losses she will suffer if she quits.

In my opinion YANBU. I had to do this 3 days a week when I was at college but worked in a restaurant which was manic - quitting wasn't an option and besides being a bit tired it did me no harm and I managed my course fine too. Admittedly though my DM used to leave me a dinner in the oven for when I got home after work those nights which was a nice touch!

I think if she's struggling you should suggest she looks for another job and until she finds one stays put... it will do her good in the long run.

That's a brutal day, so YABU. To those saying oh she's young, exhaustion has an adverse effect on health long term, she could end up ill for life. 6am-11pm is not sustainable.
It's irrelevant what her siblings did.
She is still in education. You supported her siblings through uni, surely? It's fair enough to expect her to have a part-time job to contribute and fund 'luxuries' of course, but she should find another one.
If you can't afford to support her/ don't want to

It will probably help her studies to not have that long day so in your shoes, if I was in a position to support my child, I would.

Id worry she would be knackered on the tuesday so her lessons on that day would suffer.

I worked 4 days a week 3 days uni and with all the work. It made me so ill. I got total burn out.

Its all the work etc shed have to remember. Access is full on.

Yeah that's a bit shit then as I assume it's:
Sunday 5-11pm
Monday 6am-11pm
Tuesday 6am-4pm
Wednesday 6am-4pm

So from Sunday afternoon until Tuesday evening she has no real time to herself. I do this quite often as a restaurant manager but it is shit and if I had a choice I'd rather not. If she can find better hours in a similar role she should try.

So she works 5-11pm on Sunday, up at 6am on Monday and doesn’t get home until what, midnight? Yes YABU sorry

She will live. It's 1 day.
I've just finished access and people in there managed even with 30+ hours jobs and 10 years out of education some even with young children. It's not easy, but where is will...
YANBU.
If she wants to quit, she needs to first secure new one. She is an adult now.
Good luck to her, it's really satisfying to go through that course.

I would tell her to find a new job first before handing in her notice. That's fair enough. Otherwise she will have no money and no idea when the next job comes along.

I'd tell her to suck it up while she looks for another job. She's 20 and needs to know how the real world works. It doesn't sound like a tough life at all, she gets 3 days off a week! Can't believe people are describing her Monday as 'brutal', what a bunch of princesses.

At 20 I was doing a full time university course including nursing placements and working pretty much full time. Still had plenty of energy and time to have a social life.

I worked two jobs and would have welcomed her hours. I was in college Mon, Tues and Wednesday getting up at 6 and doing 100 mile round tripsvrach day on two trains. I worked at an evening office shift 5-9 Mon-thu and Saturday half day. I worked in a bar split shift on a Friday 10-5 then 8-close then again in the bar sat evening and night. That left Sunday to take driving lessons and do assignments. Welcome to the real world it’s shit and hard!

I think I would have struggled because I wouldn’t get to bed til Midnight Sunday, then I would have to try and do hard studying on a Monday on 6 hours sleep, and then go and work which may or may not be okay, but then presumably she’s not in bed til midnight again and is up at 6 for college on Tuesday trying to do studying after a 17 hour day and only 6 hours sleep for two nights running. Sure I could turn up for lectures but they wouldn’t be sticking in my brain. So then 2/3 of my contact time is ruined.

Reasonable to say she needs a job, not reasonable to say she needs to do that specific job. I think she’ll need to look for a new job while she studies and works maybe?

I think it's too much. I'd worry that her studies and health would be affected.
I think she should find a new job before she gives notice for the current one though.

So a 17 hour day on Mondays? - I don't think its sustainable long term
It must impact on her ability to study on Tuesday and Wednesday.
How long has she been doing it?

I knew someone who did similar during A-levels and to me they’re more full on than an Access course in terms of the workload.

The Monday sounds long but doable if she is able to eat meals. And sounds like she gets home from college at 4 on the other college days too? That’s not a bad time to get home! Plenty of people have to work till 5.30 every day then have an hour commute. THEN have to cook dinner, look after kids, do housewoek etc.

She also has 3 full days off which again is more than anyone in a FT role. I also bet you don’t ask her to do anything much in the house re chores like she woukd if she had her own place.

The reality is that people need to work part time to get through uni these days. So she may as well get used to fitting evening shifts around her college work now as she’ll probably need to do it at uni too as her loans probably won’t cover all her living costs.

Really she should just suck it up. BUT is there anyway that she gets to keep more of her earnings as fun money? You work hard and play hard at that age but if she’s having to give a lot of her income to you for day to day running of the house rather than saving for her uni expenses and social life there, it seems a bit unfair.

I assume you paid for that stuff when she was at school/a-levels anyway so has Yiue income dropped since then and you are struggling to provide her with food? I really would let her keep the money and save most for uni if you can afford it.

@SecurityPesto how long does it take her to get yo the college? We started at 10 and so did other colleges from what I heard. Is there a way she could shorten her jurney? A different bus or a train?

I think you should let her give up work on the basis she is actively seeking a job. The Monday to me sounds like absolute hell and I honestly wouldn’t be able to cope with it.

I did a access to HE and I think working on the same day you do this would be difficult. Although it’s few hours it’s quite intense work (could be depending on the course)

It isn't just one day though. It comes after the Sunday shift and th two combined sound shit.

It's not just one day though is it, it's going to wipe her out for Tuesday, so that's one of her 3 days at college basically knackered.

Does her boss know she's probably going to quit if they don't give her different shifts? It might be worth explaining she will have gone by Christmas if they don't find different shift, or at least give up Monday shift.

I would suggest she looks at most other supermarkets and shops, they'll have shifts coming up for Christmas. Being able to work Thursday or Friday as well as weekends would be good for an employer trying to fit round akward shifts.