AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

Jeanclaudejackety
We've all done the panic prep.
I didn't work nights during 6th form but did have quite a few late nights.
If be bloody mortified having to tell my teacher that I couldn't do the prep because I was tired.

Last 5 years or so there's been a big shift in the attitude of some 6th formers so it would make sense that some who are 20ish now are in the same mindset.

What career does want to have off the back of her college course? Heaven forbid it’s a nurse or something similar! How will she cope with the hours??

With her college (presuming it’s an 8 he day, but I doubt that) and her 12 hours she’s barely making full time job hrs.

Yanbu to tell her she can’t jack it in

This is difficult. On the face of it I’d say she should work, but that Monday does sound very tough! However, people doing ou and distance learning courses and night shook manage in the same situation and given her other says sound quite laid back in comparison I’d say she is wrong to want to quit it all for that shift. Maybe tell her that the Monday sounds hard so of course she can quit ... but only if she first finds another job with more suitable hours.

“You might go to college and work hard, but you might mess on, you might revise for a levels or you might decide study leave is an idea time for a girls holiday and then end up retaking a year. You might work on your coursework and keep your placement files up to date, or You might not and expect a tutor to help You complete basic tasks you've been too lazy to do. You might go to university, but then I'm not sure so I'll take a gap year where I could get a job and look for relevant work experience or I could bum around the place at home working a couple of shifts and acting like an overgrown child. And so on. ”

I am so sick of all this nonsense about millennial snowflakes. I wouldn’t be a young person now for a million pounds. It’s received wisdom to say ‘in ny day we had it rough’ but did we? I remember getting full maintenance agrant at uni, loans terms were much more favourable, and fees were non existent. My ex is only a few more years older than me (49) and he came to university from a wealthy middle class background but received a grant, housing benefit and was able to sign on during the long holidays. I’ll wager a fair few of the people on here saying ‘oh they don’t know they’re born’ had it a lot, lot easier than the people they’re tutting at.

Is it any wonder young people now are taking gap years or being generally hesitant about what steps they should take on becoming an adult? The consequences of getting it wrong are much more severe.

Jeanclaudejackety my (34 year old) SIL has never made tea or coffee either. She doesn’t drink it, nor does my DB. My teenage DN makes her own as she doesn’t trust her mum to do it right!

MadameButterface this is the reason I didn’t go to uni. My year was (I think) the first to not have grants and I knew my parents couldn’t afford to give me much (if anything) so I’d either have ended up borrowing loads or having to focus more on work than study. I ended up dropping out of an Access course about 15 years ago for the same reason - I had two jobs and a longish commute (by bus) to college and had barely any study/free time.

Don't agree sorry madame, I'm not coming from a place where I got grants and stuff, I'm in my 20s and had to work for every penny of my uni fees plus get into loads of debt and I think under 20s these days are babies massively on the whole

I agree about the change in 6th formers attitudes over the last few years. I think it’s since the requirement came into stay in education till 18. The less academic ones who are not into putting a lot of effort into school work end up in 6th form now with poor GCSE grades, whereas before they wouldn’t have been allowed to stay. Schools also need the money now so don’t like turning them down even though they know they will probably do poorly at A-level or BTEC. These kids would be better off leaving at 16 and going straight into work and putting the work in in a real-world role, but I admit the jobs with career progression at 16 are few and far between these days.

But it’s exactly why they need to apply themselves more. The competition is fierce for young people these days. The flakey attitude has to stop.

In reality - she works from 5pm-11pm Sunday, comes home, goes to bed and then gets up very early to be out the door before 6am back at 4pm - off to be at work by 5pm against and works until 11pm. The gets up for college the next two days.
YABU - that's nuts whatever your age. Yes she could do it - but she would not be a safe driver on that much work and college in that short period.
It's her decision as she is an adult - but as her mum I would be encouraging her to quit and look for another job. I held down two part time jobs and college at her age - luckily I didn't have a car accident - but one poor cyclist was cycling past my driver's door after I had parked - I opened it a crack without thinking - and due to timing the poor cyclist went flying off their bike. She is right to think she should not be under that much pressure.

She’s not out the door at 6am I don’t think.

@CurlyhairedAssassin people are surprised at her waking up at 6AM, because she could comfortably wake up at 7 since her college starts at 9 and travel takes an hour.

I wouldn't throw her out, obviously, but come on. As an adult, she really needs to get on with it. I honestly believe that parents who let everything slide, don't push them to push themselves and do everything for their young adults are doing them a MASSIVE disservice.

Agree with number of pps describing young workers. We offered apprenticeship because I think it's absolutely perfect way for someone to learn and it gives such a great head start on a cv, because it's also an experience.
Never again.

I think it's all down to parents tbh.

I worked part time after college since 15 and that was even in a different city to where I lived. My parents always made me do my thing and sort out my stuff unless they saw I REALLY needed help. Then they gave me an advice and I sorted it. They have never filled a form for me or called somewhere for me.

Never had I thought to tell my mum to call my work because I was sick. I don't understand why would a parent of 18+ year old do it tbh. Just let them get on with it. It will benefit them in a future.

With me it always worked as "You don't ask, you don't get". I was angry at my parents from time to time for forcing me to talk to people and trying to find a way to achieve things myself but now I am incredibly grateful that they pushed me to learn to take care of myself. It all massively paid of when I moved abroad by myself at 21, found work, place to live, later a husband, own business and studies.

And should I ever have a child I shall be pushing them towards independence the same way I was.

I know, Hangry, I was referring to the poster before mine who said she was out of the door at 6am. Not true

@CurlyhairedAssassin Oh. I was replying to Re what others are saying on this thread about OP’s daighter’s hours. Why are people shocked at her getting up at 6am? I don’t know many people who get up much later than this each day if they are working, it’s quite normal. I’m laughing at the people who think others are bragging about how hard they work/ed.

Sorry! I might have misunderstood anyway

Wonder if she’s getting up early to do her make up? . I hear of more and more young women doing the full Kardashian mask each day taking an hour just to slap it all on. Madness!

I’d tell her to stick it out while looking for another p/t job so she can leave ASAP.

It’s not great on a long term basis but it’s manageable short term. She needs to keep working if you can’t afford to feed her.

@CurlyhairedAssassin my guess is she is. Knew a girl who had spent an hour on a make up. I am too lazy for that