AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

If college is Monday Tuesday Wednesday, then why not look for another job anytime on Thu/Fri/Sat/Sun? If it's 12 hours on NMW then retail/supermarket/McDonalds would all be an option.
I think her shifts don't fit well for now, but something similar would be fine, so it's not a black and white case of job vs no job.

6am feels an early start. Is she getting up then because she has to (ie bus ar 6:40) or because she wants a shower, lazy breakfast etc?

I think it’s hard going as it’s long and all in one go, but not unreasonable. If I was her, I wouldn’t come home on the Monday as it’s hard to motivate yourself to come home and go back out again

YABVU to say she's to be kicked out of home unless she does these shifts.

It's one year in which she has to go up a level in her studies. This will be much harder if she's exhausted. If you are in the financial position to, it's a wise investment to support her with her studies. She can then go on to get a better job, using her skills.

She has to drive 55 mins, so yes working day doesn't start till much later, lessons are at 9.

She has to drive 55 minutes too! Good Lord, have a heart OP!

Yes she could this, but do you really think she should?

Surely her priority, for this year, is her course.

I will read over these comments probably and have a good think. It's hard.

It does sound hard going but my ds did 5pm - 11pm mon -fri from 16-18.
That was too much, but he wouldn't listen and his grades did suffer.
He did a Btec and kept the job.

She's better keeping her job, it's only one bad day and she does get down time/ study time when she's off.

If she doesn't like the Monday she needs to find a new job not on a Monday before she quits. Like an adult would have to if they didn't like their job.

Sorry OP I missed the 55 min drive.
No, she can't do that, mine worked at KFC literally round the corner.

Oh her job is close. 15 min drive. Her college is 55 mins.

For goodness sake you don't expect the girl to pay for her keep when she is studying, surely?

No wonder the younger generation are known as snowflakes. She is expecting her to pay for her own toiletries and social life, that is not unreasonable.

Tell her to look for another job before she quits this one. I really don't see the issue with her having 2-3 busy days. She is off Wednesday through to Saturday.

If she doesn't like the Monday she needs to find a new job not on a Monday before she quits. Like an adult would have to if they didn't

This! She is an adult after all.

My daughter is 27 and she is a grafter, however I've supported her on and off all her life.

She has had some good jobs but all of them have been marred by really bad management. She goes along fine until there is a change in management. Too much to go in to but I've run my own business for over 20 years and I'm shocked at what she has told me!

If it affecting her mental health give her some slack. I just cannot believe how things have changed since I started work. Kids have no rights these days, what with zero hour contracts!

Get her to line up another job before she leaves her current one at least.

6am-11pm is long tbf, id try and get another job on her off days.

Having done an access course myself, IMO she's better off working on her college days. It leaves the other days clear for her to do her coursework without having to think about work or physically attending college. I'm at university now and days where I spent a half day working on an assignment are almost pointless.

I think given what you’ve said about being able to support you should encourage her to swap to a Xmas job in the hope they will keep her on but with the assurance that if they don’t keep her on you will support her while she finds a new job. Two late shifts and the 2 full days of uni is too much. She only has the opportunity to sleep for a maximum of 6 hours two nights in a row. That’s not conducive to a good education

Would you really throw your daughter out the home for that??

So 5pm to 11pm Sunday. Home and straight to bed for seven hours and then up at 6am for basically 17 hours college and work then 7 hours sleep and up again Tuesday at 6am for college again.
That sounds pretty miserable tbh.

But I would encourage her to apply for other jobs rather than just walk out.

She willbe getting less than six hours sleep before her Monday and less than six hours sleep after it. If she was an uni you would be supporting her and you should be now.

When I was in my 20’s I was a junior hospital doctor working 100 hour weeks while simultaneously studying for my specialist fellowship exams. I would have loved your DD’s cushy life!

Why is she getting up.at 6 to get to college for 9? Surely she could get up at 7, 45 mins to get ready leaving 15 mins extra for her journey?

Anyway it's not great but i did similar at college, was in all day Monday Tues Thursday, half day weds and Friday. I worked 4-8.30 mon, tues, weds and 4-10 Thursday. I would do weekend overtime whenever I could too.

At uni I worked weekends in the pound shop, evenings in a pub and in my final year I worked weds afternoon in an office and then did supply cover for a chain of private nurseries whenever I could... I ended up managing one once I qualified!

I think your daughter needs to try and find a different job but it's not the end of the world if she has to cope with these hours as a working parent who is a teacher my free time consists of an hour of mumsnet in bed before i go to sleep! It's hard as school work takes up so much of my time but i am fortunate to have the holidays..

Working til 11pm two nights before they had college.

It’s not like she has done nothing, she’s been let down by the fact she can no longer change her shifts. I’d want her to prioritise her college.

If her siblings didn’t have to work at college and she won’t at uni why is it such a thing if she quits then finds another job?

OP, imo YANBU. Yes, it's hard, but she should definitely not quit until she's found something else. And tbh, it's not that hard. I really don't agree with the PPs saying it's too much, have a heart, etc. My DS is 17 and doing 4 A levels (an hour's travel to college each way, more or less) and does 2 shifts a week - one is Sunday so day time, but one is 6-10 or 11, 5 minute walk away. He does it because he wants the money and he wouldn't be going to bed before midnight anyway, and I bet your DD wouldn't be either. If she's only just gone back to college, she's not used to it yet so not surprising she's moaning. Hold firm.

7 hours at college (with breaks) plus 6 hours at work doesn't add up to 17 hours.

It's amazing where people get their figures from when we're talking about young adults and how supported people feel they should be.

I work 13 hour shifts. I don't claim to do 17 hour days, having added on time waking up, getting ready and commuting.

I did 9-5 Monday to Friday then 5.30-9.30 4 days a week plus a Sunday 10-6 throughout most of my twenties it was hard but do able once a week is nothing, she has 3 full days off doesn't she?