AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

@steelesauce "what a bunch of princesses" lol 😂

I think some posters are forgetting she's a 20 year old woman, not a 16 year old child!

Just because she's in education doesn't mean she shouldn't be helping to cover her living costs. She's an adult and can't just quit her job and force her parents to provide everything for her.

I do agree the Monday sounds long and an early start after finishing at 11pm on the Sunday night, but if she isn't happy with it she'll have to join the rest of us in the adult world and find a new job before quitting her current one.

I don't think you should kick her out, but she should be a grown up and either suck it up and get on with the long day or find a new job like any other adult would have to.

Meh. I worked 37 hours in an office and 12-18 on top of that working nights in a pub, between the ages of 23 and 28.

She’s young she can cope. She’ll be fine.

Keep it and look for something else. Not quit then look.

I have a 20yr old and he and his friends work long hours on some days. They finish work anywhere from 10pm to midnight and are often working and studying the next day. It doesn't stop them meeting up after work and rolling home at 2 or 3am before getting up at 6/7 and doing it all again. They all complain they are tired but they still do it.

It is a long day but sometimes it's what you have to do, get her to look at a new job? I do
M - 8-4.30 then 6-10.30
T - 4pm - 10.30
W - 8 - 4.30
T - 8- 4.30
F - 8-4.30 then 6 - 10.30
S - off
S - 4pm - 10.30

And yes it sucks!

At uni I had lessons in the day and then worked 4-9, 4 days a week so 20 hours in total. I was 19, I coped!

Siblings did not work when at college but they were 16. At uni they didn't but DD won't have to either.

Part of me does sympathise. The Monday is a long day, right after a late night, and she's studying the following day too.

But another part of me realises that I do this frequently. I've spent the past 4 days doing 12 hour shifts with a commute either side and doing housework every day once I got home. It's not that unusual in the adult world to have parts of your week you just have to tough out.

Though I wouldn't throw her out of she quit her job, I'd encourage her to find an alternative one before leaving. What is it she's studying to do? I'd probably be a bit firmer with her if her chosen career is going to see some tough shift patterns.

Yanbu. Little princess needs to suck it up. Plenty of adults work two jobs and do much longer hours than she does!

If she can't hack it then she needs to find something else before quitting. Surely most people worked fulltime hours during college, sometimes two jobs to support themselves! I know all my peers did.

Even now, a lot older than her I do 70 hour weeks with kids at home.

If she is doing access to Health Care is she hoping to go to uni to do nursing or a Health Professional degree? If so, I bet she could walk into a home care role on the shifts she wants and gain essential experience too.

My DD of a similar age is working 7am - 6pm every day, Monday to Friday, but she gets up at 5am as its a commute as well and to be honest I understand your DDs concerns as my DD is exhausted and miserable she leaves the house at 5.30am and returns after 8pm every night, 55 hour week and travelling means she sleeps all weekend

welcome to the real world!

tell her to woman up and get on with it.

I agree with what others have said, if this is the worst it ever gets for her, she can consider herself leading a charmed life!

When I was 20, I worked full time (37.5 hrs/wk) was at Uni studying a professional qualification 2 evenings each week so didn't get home til 10pm having left at 8am and also worked at a pub Fri & Sat nights.
It's what I needed to do to earn enough to pay my board at home, pay for my car & petrol and have a social life.
I was young, it was fine!

It's one day a week she has a hard day I'm guessing the days she has off college and work she does whatever she likes. Tell her to put her big girl pant on and get a grip. At 17 I worked 2 shifts at night during the week after college, which was full time 4 and a half days and both days at the weekend ffs. I wasn't moaning about it and I was getting busses everywhere so didn't even get home after college before work.

I was going with the general flow of "one long day is just about doable" but I changed my mind when you said she works 5 -11 on the Sunday as well. SO realistically she is going into college 2 out of 3 days having worked till 11pm the night before. I therefore sympathise with her. I'd suggest she needs to look for something with hours later in the week. Could you give it a couple of weeks, say till half term to see if she is coping and most importantly if she is able to get her studies done.

I think we can all agree that it is possible but it's not ideal. All those saying you did/do it and are fine (although I can't help but think "I walked 20 miles to and from school carrying my siblings on my back" etc) probably had or have no choice and do it to pay mortgages or support families. She's 20 and still in education so doesn't necessarily need to suffer the woes of full adulthood yet. And yes, I know we used to send 6 year olds down the mine etc. etc. I think a compromise is that she finds another job first.

I think she needs to find something else before she quits. Doing shit, inflexible jobs is part of what motivates you to study!

At 20 I was at college 5 days a week, went straight from college to evening job three times a week and worked all day Saturday and often Sunday (they used to pay double time back then). So I don’t think your daughter has a terrible schedule by any means.

It's not one day it's the Sunday as well as the Monday and then the Tuesday and Wednesday. Maybe if it was a little more split up it would be easier.

She's an adult you can't tell her that she has to stick with this if she's struggling. Part of being an adult is to make these decisions for yourself.

Fine she needs to financially support herself but she's young and a bit of emotional support from you wouldn't go amiss.

The shift might be doable but it doesn’t sound very conducive to effective study. She’d be better off doing weekend bar or restaurant work then having her study days free.

I don't think you're BU. When i was 16, i used to do sixth form 8-4, then straight to work working 5-9. Like you said its the only day she has to do that

16 hours is a long day. I would say let her quit but under the condition she gets another job before she quits.

I'm also that we're counting her working day on the Monday as starting from the moment she wakes up rather than when she starts college (where her breaks are almost without doubt longer and more frequent than in the working world). I imagine her lessons are likely to start at 9 or 10.