AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

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Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

if she neds to stick it out how can it be cope with.meal planning.time out.time off.what can you do to try make it bearable.
it can be done.did college then did the late shift til 11pm 3 and then four days a week.then one weekend.and called in on overtime too.then uni did all hours they gave there too.managed to get the grades and cope.was tired but the money at the end was amazing.
show her you empathetic and understand but how can you deal with it because without another job then it needs to be stuck with.be there for eacohther and let eacohther be honest.why you need her to stay with it and how she feels too.
also the good point of sticing it out meant that the current college job in this supermarket was able to be transferred to any other supermakert of the same chian throughout the country as college here turned to uni across the county.

Tell her that for her own sanity needs to find an alternative job that allows her to have a manageable Monday - there will be other part times jobs out there if she applies herself. I think her working a late shift Sunday and then doing her longest day on a Monday will end up having a detrimental impact on her studies. She needs to be made to see that it’s for her own good to find a solution that works while she has the benefit of not having real-world expenses. Either that or she CHOOSES to have the horrible schedule that she has created for herself. I would make it clear that not working at all is NOT an option.

When I did my teacher training course years ago I use to leave home at 8.00am go to school and do a full day’s teaching. I’d then leave school go to a local supermarket and work from 5.30pm until 10.30pm. I’d come home and go straight to bed then get up and go back to school the next day. I worked at the supermarket again on a Saturday but all day this time. My one day off was a Sunday when I caught up with planning, marking and uni assignments.

It was hard but only for a year. It prevented me getting further into debt and it toughened me up and prepared me for working long hours as a teacher now. Your daughter has three full days off a week, I think she needs to toughen up and develop some resilience. At least with having a long Monday she is able to have three full days away from work and college.

Btw, I had left home at this point and had a mortgage and car loan so needed to work. There was no one to cook me my dinner or do my washing for me or do the home admin so it was full on.

Your daughter needs to count her blessings and get on with things.

Sakura7
I agree it's a bit much to call her a brat etc, but I do think she's making decision on the grounds of 'don't worry because someone else will prop me up'.

At 20 a long day isn't the end of the world and I would say she needs to toughen up a bit as the vast majority of my 6th form studnets have a longer week than she does and they just get on with it.

The idea of leaving a job without a job to go to at 20 because a couple of shifts and a 3 day college course is too much seems a bit soft to me. The sensible thing would be to suck it up in the short term, get job hunting and then resign once she has a job to go to (or she might find once she starts job hunting that work magically manage to be more reasonable and flexible on shifts).

So presumably she preens herself from 6-8am on a Monday? When she could get up much later? If the time is such an issue why doesn’t she get everything ready day before and get up 730?

She needs to accept that her life choices got her to needing the course and the consequences are one busier day.

In the real world I regularly left home at 630am and didnt get home on many occasions until 9pm. That is what you have to do as a grown up I’m afraid. Bitter pills to swallow.

Imo she keeps the job until she has another to replace it with.

As someone who regularly does overtime as a matter of necessity, this sounds like a breeze to me. It‘s only one hard day. She‘s lucky to have found a job that fits in with her course - ideal. She is basically expecting you to support her and that is unreasonable. Stand your ground.

My 19 year old daughter finished access to health professions in June this year. She also worked a minimum of 2 shifts a week in a well known supermarket. Her access course was Monday to Wednesday 9-2 , she worked Wednesday evenings 5-11 and Saturday 5-11, she did pick up extra shifts some weeks. I think it is do-able, it’s how much she wants it?

I also did access when my dc were 1 and 6, it was part time for one year , 3 days a week. I worked nights as childcare was hard to come by.

I sometimes did 2 x 8 hour shifts back to back (working 3 jobs) when I was saving to travel at age 18. Even at high school I worked Friday evening after school, 10 hours on Saturday and then 5 hours on Sunday in a supermarket.

It's a tough day but, like you say it's once a week and she's young enough to have the energy. It's good to learn about hard graft when you're young and this is important for developing a good work ethic.

Does sound like a proper First World complaint to be honest. I think you're right to push her to keep it up.

When I was in my 30s I did 2-3 14.5 hour shifts a week , often consecutive. It was no problem.
A 20 year old with no health problems Should be fine with it.

Or she could get a different job. You don’t need to give her a time limit, getting out of the situation she doesn’t enjoy will be motivation shortly.

I would say look for another job first then quit when you have one.

Of course she can leave her job, but she should get another one first. Like grown ups have to.

It sounds like a lot, and she needs to study too. Why does she have to move out? 20 is still very young.

I think if she's on a course, she needs to concentrate on that. Her Monday sounds horrible. She could get a different job with hours that suit, if she feels she can juggle that and her course. My uni course only had five lectures week, but we had loads of work to do too!

At 20 I worked two jobs, a 9-5.30 weekdays then 7-11.30 five or six evenings. I wasn't living at home and I managed just fine. It's not the end of the world....

At 20 I had a house, a baby, a full time job and a night course x2 a week, sure she’ll survive

I think she needs to get another job before she leaves her current one.
When I was at college (Mon-Fri 9-5) I had 2 part time jobs. I worked all day Saturday then had another job Saturday night (finishing about midnight). Then worked all day Sunday and one evening a week (until about midnight). I managed.
Also did an access course in my 30s. Did that as a single parent with a primary age child.

In my second year of uni I used to work from 7am - 1pm then go to uni from 2-6 and home by 7 and that was hard I would leave home at 6:30 am on the Monday I then also only worked Monday and Sunday and was in uni for 3 days a week I used to miss a lot of uni and work as I couldn’t manage both! Could she apply for the Advanced learner loan bursary through college to give her some money and look for a job that will fit around college? It might get easier though as it’s still early days but the early morning to late night is tough when I did my access course it didn’t start till 10:30 am and my mum would take me to college as she worked near it so I didn’t have to stress too much in the mornings! Realistically it could be really hard for her as it could have a knock on effect for the Tuesday and Wednesday if she doesn’t get a good nights sleep until the Wednesday night.

Also with the finding a new job now she has experiance it might be easier she won’t know till she try’s but job two comes quicker than job one 😊 she literally sounds like she’s where I was 8 years ago at 19

My 19 yr old son is pretty much doing the same thing, its hard, but for now, I have told him to see how it goes for a bit longer. He gets up at 5:30 to cycle to college, gets home around 4:30, has a shower, then has to cycle to get to work for 6, which takes up to 10:30pm. I don't like it, and the first few times he did it he pretty much cried as he ached so much from all the lifting, but he's slowly easing into it, and its only twice a week, other days is either college or work.
There are very few jobs going around our way in our village atm, he really needs a car, but until he can save a bit more thats unlikely.
I wish I could help him more, but times are tough, and I am so so proud of how hard he works, and try to make sure I make him really good meals and lunches so that he keeps his wits about him. x

I used to teach on an Access course and they are intensive. Assessments every 6 weeks in each class. You are essentially doing the equivalent of A levels plus other subjects such as study skills, maths and English in 1 year. The Monday your DD has sounds awful and will affect her performance at college without a doubt.

I would not expect a child in full time education with exams to be working in term time. However, if her course is not that taxing, she should manage it. I don't think you can chuck her out. Could she get another job?

Surely doing well on her course is more important than earning money at the moment since you are able to support her. Why make things tough for her unnecessarily? With decent qualifications she might never have to deal with difficult shifts.

20 year olds can be much younger these days. I’d get her to concentrate on those studies. If the job has to go. So be it. She will find another. Tell her it’s last chance saloon for your support.

This reflects another thread on MN where a lorry driver was suggesting that as a society we have become soft and unused to 'hard work.' At 20, she ought to be able to manage one demanding day a week. Id encourage her to put on her big girl's pants or find another job. I agree, it isn't a good idea to encourage her seeing you as a permanent safety net.

Omg there seriously are some work shy people on here, when
I was 20 I used to work 55 hours a day in 1 job then had an 8 time travel to a different job which was another 55 hour shift and I studied 33 hours a day in college, she needs to women up I used to do it and I was fine

Some fucking idiots in this thread but its great to see the length you'll expect someone to go to for a minimum wage, no wonder were at where were at politically in this country now, I despair