AIBU to say DD can't stay at home and quit her job?

[SecurityPesto]

Hello,

My daughter is 20 and doing an Access to HE course. She just started it this year.

She works in a supermarket 2 days a week (only 12 hours in total).

She has her college on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She is off the other days. Works 6 hours Monday and Sunday. She cannot change her shifts as that was the initial plan, but her manager can't do that as no availability.

She is saying her Monday is far too difficult. She gets up at 6am - home at 4pm and goes to work at 5pm-11pm. However, this is the only day she has to do this. The Tuesday and Wednesday are college and she does the other shift on the Sunday.

She isn't allowed to drop to one shift and cannot swap any shifts, so the only option would be for her to leave.

AIBU to say she can't stay at home and not continue the job?

Genuinely please. This is quite difficult as I have 2 older DC who moved out at 18 for uni and never lived back at home again, so I don't know the best way for this.

Id see how she copes with it. If she's struggling, let her find something else but i'd let her stay home in the meantime, I wouldn't make her go if she didn't like it. It's not like she's lazing about all week, give her a break :)

Boo hoo. She’s 20 .It’s called working hard to get somewhere in life. You both need to grow up

I do see where she’s coming from, but there is an end in sight. And it’s only for term times. I too had this problem. When 18 my college was 2 hrs away across London. So had so start journey at 7pm and not home til gone 6pm plus Monday’s I did evening English A level class so not home til 11pm. Plus I worked in a shop on Saturdays. It’s only for a short while so if she looks at the bigger pictures. It’ll be worth it. The money will give her independence. Just make sure her college work doesn’t suffer

@Sakura7 you must ha e had a privileged up bringing. To me this seems normal for a 20 year old, life isn’t handed to you on a plate!! It’s not excessive hours and plenty of time to do assignments

YANBU - She's 20 she can more than cope with one long day. Of course it's not great working in a supermarket but it's a means to an end for her. I worked 30 hours a week as a student, shift work to fit around classes, evenings on top of classes, early mornings - for 3 years, it was tough but at 19-20-21 years old entirely do-able.
Now I am 1) proud that I slogged to get my degree 2) motivated to never be in that position again, struggling to make ends meet like that.
It's good training for her - depends on her future job of course, but she may well be doing long days like this as a matter of course. Hospitality - Nursing - Doctor - Events Mge. I frequently am up at 6am out all day for work, then do an work evening event, home by 11pm. The difference is I now well paid and enjoy my job.

Angel75
It's 3 days a week in college. Hardly a massive drain on time.

My 6th formers do 5 days a week, lots have part time jobs (1 or 2 shifts a week), do work experience, do their own enrichment and have a social life. Most of them have the maturity at 16-18 to realise that nobody owes them an easy route through life.

Do you make her pay for her own sanitary products?

I did those shifts years for two years, except I worked the long shifts on 2 days. It’s definitely fine for a 20 year old, she needs to get to bed early on the sundays.

overnightangel
I can assure you I had anything but. I did work in college, but if the job wasn't suitable I didn't feel I absolutely had to stick it out or I was screwed. Its casual work, I generally found something soon enough - my parents weren't too concerned about me not working for a few weeks here and there when I was in college. I was a good saver so wasn't running to them for handouts. Thankfully they were supportive and gave me the space to find something that worked for me. I'm not suggesting OP's daughter doesn't work at all, just that she should be allowed to drop this job and find a different one.

There seems to be a lot of black and white thinking on this thread.

I knew this would turn into the Four Yorkshiremen sketch...

She needs the money, just as I did years ago, so needs to stick with it.

20 is a fully fledged adult . I think she should be able to cope with one long day at 20. If she can't the adult thing to do would be to look for another job before she leaves this one

It's not so much the one long day itself, it's the work the night before and college the day after. The issue isn't the number of hours she works, it's the way they're spaced out. She's not looking to sit around doing nothing, she just want a job with better shifts.

My middle dd went to uni away from home and also worked three 12 hour days in a pub/hotel at the same time. It was hard work but she had to do it if she wanted extra money. She did this the whole time she was at uni. Some Kids don't know the meaning of hard work these days.
She also worked every Sunday from 14 in a cafe and saved up enough money to buy her own car just before she was 17,passed her test 6 weeks after turning 17 and paid for her own car insurance. She knew we were struggling with money and said she'd rather pay fir these herself as it made her feel good. So your Dd needs to suck it up and stop being such a spoilt brat.

If she gets this course qualification, she will be able to get better jobs. Surely that is the priority?
She may only need to be in college classes 3 days a week but she wlll be expected to do homework/assignments in the other free periods.
What happens when she has assignments or has to prepare work for Tuesdays. It doesn't sound like she is shirking. She took on the job on the basis that they would change shifts. Encourage her to find something else to replace this job, but please give her a bit of encouragement. She is trying to better herself.

Snowflake - some people work 12 hrs a day 6 days a week. Stick to your guns and tell her to get on with it, she can hand her notice in when she finds other work!

The people calling the poor girl a spoilt brat, lazy thing and snowflake are showing a really nasty side. She doesn't come across as any of those things.

We can all look back and say that life was much harder for us - I also remember my parents saying that, no doubt their parents said the same to them. However do we want life to be hard for our children? I never did, wanted them to have a smooth, comfortable path as far as possible

I completely agree with this.
If you can afford to do it and it's not breaking the bank, I would support your DD in what she wants to do.
I support my kids financially and they aren't working at the moment. However they're both studying/about to study healthcare degrees so they're doing degrees with high contact hours (think 9-5). They're trying to better themselves and if I can make their lives easier by taking away any financial worry, that suits me.

Goodness me how is she ever going to cope doing Monday hours 5 days a week in the real working world. Tell her to get on with it...poor lamb🤪

What subject is her access in?

I did an access course and they are intense. I was only in college two days a week but had to churn out over 20 assignments in a 8 month period. Many ppl on my course had to give up work to complete it, as getting into university trumped having pocket money.

I'm a bit queasy about the idea of her driving so far on such little sleep, especially given that sleep deprivation affects people in similar ways to alcohol consumption.

If there is financial hardship it's a different ball game, of course it is. However the op has not indicated any circumstances like that.

Anyway it sounds as though the girl has worked things out for herself so problem over.

I’ve not read all the comments sorry.. I would really try having her look for a job either for weekend work or a Friday and Saturday....

When I did my Access to HE course it was full time, 5 days a week (usually covering the hours of 10-4pm).

I used to have to work nights (10-6am) in a petrol station on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights to make ends meet. It was absolutely tough as anything but if it means enough to you, then you do it.

It’s all worth it now my degree is finished and I’m qualified in my job I think she can manage one “work and college” day a week at 20 lol

She sounds a bit precious TBH. It won't kill her, and it's not as if she can't catch up in sleep on her days off. I would be saying that it's absolutely her choice, but that bank of mum is well and truly closed.