To leave my DS as an only child?

[TrottingAround]

Without any further 'we shall see'?

DH is desperate for another, but I am adamant 1 is just perfect.

This is because;

1. He can have the best of me. I don't think I'm the type who'd enjoy having two. My DS has been amazing from the get go and I've got off very lightly. Looking at other children and people parent multiple children, most of the time, drains me

1. We can afford for me to just work part time. I work 18 hours and I believe I have the perfect balance between work, time with my DS and time for myself.

1. We rarely get family to have DS, but let's face it, people are more willing to babysit 1 than multiple!

1. DS can be nurtured in whichever interested attract him. We will have all the time and funds to help him, without thinking of another child that I never really wanted.

1. I suffered horrendously with HG in my pregnancy. I was so ill, I was often hospitalised and even in labour, I was vomiting.

1. I was an only child for 11 years. I adored it. I use to look at friends argue with their siblings and think "thank goodness I can go home to peace".

1. I think being an only child makes you mould vetted with adults. Although I was described as precocious quite often as a result of this

I'm asking on AIBU because everyone responds in shock when I say "I'm stopping at 1". They go on to tell me I simply must give him a sibling.

Others have commented who will he have when we die. Who will be there for him?

My argument is, there really is no guarantee they'd even get on. But, my sisters don't get on well. They're still children but they're older now with much of their own friends etc.

They don't get on that well, but I'm often left in amazement at how much they've got each other's backs. It brought tears to my eyes once.

What do you think?

Can speak as an only child.
Hated it young and hate it middle aged..
Assume old age won't be any different tbh.
I have dc, who all sympathise as they love being part of a bigger family.
Your choice obviously op.

April that's interesting.

I haven't really met any other adults who were only children.

The ones I have met had quite a divide in opinion. Some loved it like me. Others hated it and still do

I guess the question is, is it really a good idea to have another child simply because you don't want the current one being an only child?

If you do not want another child, the discussion is over. You would be the one to have to deal with the pregnancy and arguably most of the parental responsibility. I am an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. Do not be pressured to have more children if you don't want them.

Aqua DH's form preference is to have one more. But it isn't a deal breaker for him, although he admits it does make him feel a bit sad knowing there will never be any more

You don’t need to justify why you only want one. If that’s what you want, that’s it. It’s totally inappropriate for people to tell you to have another. They’re not the ones who will have to raise the child.

I am an only child and I love it :-) the only time it was ever an issue was when on holiday as a kid because all the other children used to play with their siblings so it was a bit tougher to make friends... but not exactly a bad deal!

All your reasons are perfectly valid- I am a big supporter of being an only child! I was and still am very happy with my situation 😊

Another only child here. I still wish I had a sibling in my late 20s. Neither of my parents have had children with their other partners and I don’t have step siblings. I don’t blame how I feel on my parents though because it’s their choice not mine and I suppose it’s just how life goes. Your DS will understand and YANBU to only want 1 child

It’s totally inappropriate for people to tell you to have another. They’re not the ones who will have to raise the child

This topic came up with my obstetrician. She said "Goodness no, don't leave children as an only child. They must have siblings. It's not fair"

I would've reported what she said, but she was very lovely otherwise!

If you do not want another child, the discussion is over.

This. You don't need to justify it. The only reason to have another child is because you want to. I have a delightful six year old and giving him a sibling genuinely never even occurred to me as something I seriously considered. There are no 'reasons'. I just don't want another child.

There is a One Child Families section on MN which you might find useful. If you would only have one more, they won't necessarily get on. The only way to have better odds of good relationships between siblings is to have more than two kids! I'm one of three and I adore my older DSis and it's pretty mutual, neither of us get on with the middle one. So I suppose I'm saying, having one more may not be the answer so maybe stick to an only?

Definitely NBU. You not wanting another is reason enough. Quality of relationship with parents/significant adults is much more important than whether you have siblings or not

Your pregnancy sounds really tough and that would make a big difference to any decision I think. Yanbu at all to stay at just one. But most of the other issues you raised are not really true I don’t think...not fully.

If you’re aware of the drawbacks and help your son to be good at sharing, to manage low level conflict well, to not think all adults want to hear him all the time and to grow good supportive friendship networks then that’s all good.

Can I speak as a only child too?

Loved it young (rejecting multiple offers of siblings for literally every reason you have mentioned op) and love it now as an adult. I'm not overly worried about it as I get older too because I have enough lovely supportive relatives and friends, and a wonderful partner who I'm quite certain would be as willing to help me out as a sibling would be should I need it.

My parents have also both put things in place to make their old age/deaths as easy as possible for me.

Not only did I get the full attention and commitment of my parents as a child/teen, my ds is now benefiting from that same special attention and is one of most secure children I know.

He is also staying an only child.

He's not lonely, has plenty of friends and time enough to himself to recharge when he needs it.

Our home is peaceful and I never have to referee squabbles, split my attention or funds, and we are three of us perfectly content as a three.

So no op, I don't think yabu in the slightest.

I'm on the other sidethf this... I want to know we will have another, my OH wants to leave our son as an only child. He's only 4 months old atm so we have plenty of time to decide, but the idea of him growing up as an only child makes me really sad. I don't actually know any adults who are only children so this thread has been very interesting that some of you have always loved being an only child. I think I have just always struggled to imagine what my life would be like without my sister (and we aren't even particularly close)

I think I'll probably stick with just my DD.

A) because i'm no longer with her dad and don't envisage meeting anyone to have more children with

and B) because her SN means that a sibling may feel left out/forgotten as DD needs me 24/7 at the moment and it just wouldn't be fair to either of them, especially if the sibling had the same issues as DD does,

I'm an only child, and yes at times it was lonely but I'm fine and later on in life doesn't bother me at all. I have other family and plenty of friends, and I have a sister and brother in law now so I'm not alone. Like your points, my parents were able to dedicate all their time and effort into me growing up. Even on holiday I would go off and make friends with other kids, it pushed me to be more confident. Of course there are pros and cons to both but I have DS who is a baby and I know I will only be having him. Like you have come across lots of negative comments about only wanting the one child but again we know the pros so sod them! I have been able to buy him everything he wants and needs and after a horrible pregnancy and labour look forward to moving on with our lives and provide him him the best life possible and both my husbands and I full attention. Don't worry you're not doing anything wrong. My mum and her sister have never got on since being children and don't talk to each other now so it doesn't mean they will get on.

Depends who else there is in their family. Has Ds got cousins? Aunties? Uncles? It'd be a bit lonely otherwise.

This topic came up with my obstetrician. She said "Goodness no, don't leave children as an only child. They must have siblings. It's not fair"

Were you not tempted to lean back in your chair, stroke your imaginary beard, Freud-style, and ask her about what terrible personal experiences made her come out with such unprofessional horseshit?

I'm the eldest of a large family -- there was never enough of anything to go around, and I was an unpaid babysitter from an early age, when all (pathetically) I dreamed of was of having somewhere quiet to do my homework . It was a miserable way to grow up.

But I don't blame my parents for having more children than they could afford -- they made the best call they could, and were constrained by being devout Catholics in a devoutly Catholic society, hence the lack of easy access to contraception. And I don't go around nagging people having more than four children about their finances or house space or whether they use the eldest daughter as childcare.

Only child, always felt I missed out in a lot of ways. Worries me when my parents get old & ill I will be alone then to look after them. When my nan was ill the children shared the pain, the thought of having to do it alone scares me. I also had a crap mother who preferred my cousins to myself so felt quite isolated as a child.

Likely to be starting ivf In the new year and I’d be very happy to have just one child. You don’t need to justify your choice to anyone it’s yours to make.

I'm an only... I had 3!!

My parents were quite self absorbed... I found childhood pretty lonely, even though they say they were constantly with me. They were around a fair bit (not always), but I had to fit into their lives really. My life wasn't child/play based. When I got to exams/careers, the pressure was astronomical because I was their only child, and by extension of my choices I determined their success as parents.

I think if you stop at one, you have to make a very serious effort at creating enough of a play atmosphere at home. That's harder than it sounds as children are relentlessly playful.

I also think you don't need to decide now? Unless you have a time pressure?

What discussions did you and dh have before you got married?

Also.... I have a parent who has been diagnosed with cancer... I live a few hundred miles away, and I have three children under 9, my husband works away in the week.

The juggling of care is enormous. And when they are gone I really will be genuinely sad not to have someone else who knew them as I did.

They aren't reasons for you to have another, but they made up why I wanted several.

Also... I had hg every time, the first was the worst... 3 easy pregnancies and births... all 3 slept...

Billy Yes yes to a peaceful house. I like order and a clean house - Perhaps less possible with another DC

Fie If you want another baby, then that's different as no amount of positive stories from only children will help that feeling

Pixie Your childhood sounded great! Totally agree with everything said

Bun Your childhood being less than positive sounds like a parent issue, not an only child one. For example, I worship the ground my DS walks on and I have quiet moments in my head when I'm certain he's just better than everyone else's child Of course not true always but I love and cherish him fiercely

Only child here, i loved it and love it as an adult.

I have 7 month old baby and we won't be having anymore for all the reasons you said OP

We have one ds who has just started school.We are not having anymore through choice as it means we have more money to spend on him and more time for him rather than spreading ourselves thin.This suits us.