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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to book in to a hotel on my own...

200 replies

HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:27

and leave my husband and kids at home alone? I’m desperate for time on my own. If I don’t get it I think I might crack. It would be a massive inconvenience for my husband and my kids wouldn’t want me to go. I want to be selfish just once but no one irl would understand. I mean for weekend though, not like week or anything extravagant.

🙁

OP posts:
gesu · 08/09/2018 09:51

I'm so glad I've found this thread. I've been telling DH that I want to do exactly this. He totally gets it. But I am bf and I don't want a baby with me! I'll have to wait a couple of years before I can do this.

I thought I was the only one who wanted this. I know my family would think it was weird though!

The constant mental load, responsibilities. It's nice to have a break and to prioritize yourself for once as I'm sure you hardly ever do, op.

Fisharesexy · 08/09/2018 10:06

Do it, I booked into a hotel for two nights in the city I lived in. I was literally a 15 mins bus ride from home. Needed to have time to myself, it was fab. Husband and son didn't suffer. It refreshed me massively.
I could have gone further away but it was a spur of the moment thing.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 08/09/2018 10:13

It sounds like your husband needs to grow up and realise he has a wide and family now. Let me guess. ..he pulls the whole ' you knew what I was like when you married me?'

And abuse doesn't have to be physical. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for years and it's awful and incredibly damaging.

Look after yourself OP

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 08/09/2018 11:13

@BlaaBlaaBlaa

He wasn’t like he is now when we first got together. We’ve been married 12 yrs but I’ve known him 18/19 years. He’s very different nowadays. What some May term as ‘lazy’. But I know he’d bend over backwards for a special friend he has.

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 08/09/2018 11:21

You're the one he should be bending over backwards for. I really feel for you. I know what it feels like to be low on a partners list of priorities. It grinds you down eventually.

You definitely need a break away and he needs to know exactly how you feel and how important it is that he bucks his ideas up sharpish.

redastherose · 08/09/2018 11:45

OP it sounds to me that you are married to a man very like my ex. It's exhausting and demeaning feeling like you are simply a bit part player in your own life. My ex is a narcissist and was emotionally abusive and controlling. Life is much better now he's an ex. I stuck it out for way too long for the sake of the children (which was the wrong thing to do).

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 08/09/2018 11:49

@redastherose

I’m still here for the sake of the children. It’s very complicated though. I have no where to go, no money and no support. I tried to open to to one of my close friends yesterday but she was quite aloof so I left it.

OP posts:
redastherose · 08/09/2018 15:38

HaveSomeGrace it is difficult I know. I went back to work to get a bit of my confidence back and be able to support myself and my girls, got back in touch with old school friends he'd pushed away and started making more of a life for myself. It was soul destroying living with him and constantly being criticised, walking on eggshells, trying to keep him happy. I thought at the time it was the best thing for my girls but it really wasn't. His behaviour towards us all has caused untold damage to them both. I wasn't on MN at the time and really wish I had been as I would well and truly have been told to LTB and with good reason. If you can start squirrelling away some money. Set up a bank account he doesn't know about and take cash back each time you do the shopping so that you have some funds to fall back on. I've been where you are and it's an awful situation to be in.

Stillme1 · 08/09/2018 16:34

HaveSomeGrace - This may not appear to many as abusive but there is potential for abusive behaviour with him just expecting you to accept his ways and disappearances.
Why on earth do you hang around out of the way if he is socialising at home?
I had all my confidence knocked right out of me. I was totally lead to believe that I was useless and it was so constant that I believed it all.
I don't have enough confidence to go anywhere on my own.

I am struggling my way out of it now but still not got the confidence to even spend a night away from home, I could not eat in a restaurant alone, or go to the cinema, I could not even have a cup of coffee in a certain chain of coffee shops on my own.
I would love to have the courage to go on a holiday on my own but I don't think I would manage a night away from home.
Do take your break away from all of this and build up your confidence and abilities. Build on your courage and hide away some money in case you want to leave some day. You need this break for so many reasons but most of all to keep your confidence in yourself.

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 08/09/2018 18:34

I have found somewhere!! Not too far from home but not close enough to just drop-in. I don’t know if I actually have the balls to book it now though. I mentioned to husband earlier and he actually said he didn’t mind, but assumed I would go to my parents which is 200miles away. Because it’s close to home I think he thinks it’s odd.

OP posts:
Wauden · 08/09/2018 18:52

Yay! Have a great time. By the way, someone mentioned not wanting to eat in a restaurant alone. The answer is- room service! Feels delightfully decadent although it really isn't. Sitting on a nice bed, eating and watching telly.

Stillme1 · 08/09/2018 18:55

Go and have a great time. Come back to tell us all about it.

Leeds2 · 08/09/2018 18:59

Get it booked, OP! You will then have no excuse not to go and enjoy yourself!

theSnuffster · 08/09/2018 19:00

Sounds heavenly. If finances allowed I would do the same. Enjoy!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 08/09/2018 19:01

Who gives a fuck of he thinks it is odd. Go and enjoy yourself 😁

mouthkisses · 08/09/2018 19:01

Do it. Groupon is your friend. You can return favour for DP the following month...

eddielizzard · 08/09/2018 19:02

Do it NOW while he said he didn't mind. Quick!

SilkeOvesen · 08/09/2018 19:05

I did this 2 weeks ago. Booked 3 nights abroad. I really needed to have time to breathe and get my own head together.

I did 4 nights abroad, earlier in the year. First time away from my primary school age children. It was bliss, I just wandered around and suited my own schedule. Have felt better for months and months now, it really recharged my batteries.

SilkeOvesen · 08/09/2018 19:06

Meant to add: do it OP, have you booked yet? Grin

OrdinaryGirl · 08/09/2018 19:07

BOOK IT. BOOK IT. BOOK IT NOW.
We're all cheering you on, OP. 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️👯‍♀️👯‍♀️👯‍♀️👯‍♀️👯‍♀️👯‍♀️
I go away for a week on retreat by myself every year. The first time I went, my twins were 14 months and my eldest was 3.5. DH was fine.
Your husband is a parent too - they are 50% his. Go for it!

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 08/09/2018 21:28

Go, go, go! You need to book now, we're all with you?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 08/09/2018 23:43

BTW, my DH is currently on a 3-day weekend away - OK, he's staying with family rather than a hotel, but he's being thoroughly spoilt. He had a v. stressful August at work and I suggested he needed a break.

He picked a good weekend as it's pissing down here and lovely weather where he is! DCs are driving me slightly mad with all their demands, but as a PP said, they're 50% mine!

DH sounded so relaxed when I spoke to him earlier, I'm so pleased for him.

OP, I hope you've booked your break!!

tor8181 · 09/09/2018 00:04

ive been NEEDING and wanting to do this for months but know i cant

both kids needs 24 hour care as have complex multiple disabilities each and im on the edge mentally as this has been our life for years

we are a 24 hour carers as neither kid sleep and are home educated(because of disabilities) so are with us 24 hours

their dad(my partner)is in the same boat and i know couldn't cope with both as each adult is needs per child and i would go mental if it was the other way around

i even looking in to a travel lodge a 10 min walk away but couldnt justify paying the £50(we can afford it) as i needed a night alone but i knew my oh wouldn't be able to cope

we go on regular caravan holidays(every month)to keep our sanity(even though the kids have the same needs there)

MadCatLadyofMaroc · 09/09/2018 00:12

I did this in May. We run a business together and not only was I not getting time to myself to catch up with the accounts, but I was getting fed up of nobody else in the family pulling their weight with household chores.( 2 teenage kids)

I fucked off to the sun for 9 days, complete with a suitcase of paperwork to sort out.

I got more done in 9 days than I had in 9 months accounts wise and they all realised how much I did at home and in the business. Plus I chilled out and missed them. Win win. I honestly believe it saved our marriage as I was on the brink of telling him to leave. Would do it again in a heartbeat.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 09/09/2018 13:59

Did you book it?!!

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