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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to book in to a hotel on my own...

200 replies

HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:27

and leave my husband and kids at home alone? I’m desperate for time on my own. If I don’t get it I think I might crack. It would be a massive inconvenience for my husband and my kids wouldn’t want me to go. I want to be selfish just once but no one irl would understand. I mean for weekend though, not like week or anything extravagant.

🙁

OP posts:
JovialNickname · 07/09/2018 21:06

Also, you're not being selfish... you're being the opposite of selfish. How can you take care of other people if you're at breaking point yourself? You can't give to others if you have nothing left. You have to nurture yourself to have anything to give others... you won't be any good to anyone if you go under x

(NOT the way I think the OP should be thinking by the way, it's just it's clear that the needs of other people come first in her ever so tired and exhausted mind)

lalalalyra · 07/09/2018 21:09

OP you should do it. I do it once or twice a year and I'm a much better mother for it.

Glasgow ladies - if you fancy a getaway that's tranquil, but not millions of miles away the Castlecary out by cumbernauld is fab. Ask for a cottage room and you've got a wee room with no-one upstairs or downstairs. Their food is fab as well. That's where I escaped too last month.

ElectricCandlelight · 07/09/2018 21:13

My dp gifted me a night in a hotel for my birthday. It's for the end of this month and I can't wait. I totally get where your coming from OP. Do it.

squirrelonapetridish · 07/09/2018 21:17

I did this once when my dd was around 9 months old, desperate for a full nights sleep. Booked into a hotel... And was woken up in the middle of the night by the b***d fire alarm. NOT HAPPY! But that was clearly bad luck, sure your experience will be much better, Smiledo it!

cantstopeating01 · 07/09/2018 21:17

I did this in June although one night was not intentional as my friend got sick . I had the best weekend in my life and I wax anxious about going alone. I stayed in a hotel with a pub . I sat in the beer garden and had wine and read my book . I walked for miles and miles . I got my hair done . I ate crap and watched crap on tv . I will definitely do it again . Once your gone from the house no one will care less I reckon . Just be warned you possible will arrive home to a mess

Pinky333777 · 07/09/2018 21:23

I booked a gig for later this year while I was still pregnant. I've booked a hotel as there are no late trains home.
My partner wants to drive to collect me.
I was looking forward to the break and freedom! 😆

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 21:25

@cantstopeating01

My husband is somewhat ocd about things and I know with reasonable certainty, that he’d spend 99% of his time cleaning and tidying and let the kids occupy themselves. Then he’d boast about how tidy it’s been and make sure I knew I had a standard to keep up on return.

OP posts:
Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 21:26

@Pinky333777

Are you gonna stay over and catch the train the day after??

OP posts:
woodywoo2 · 07/09/2018 21:28

Do it! And blood enjoy every minute!

cantstopeating01 · 07/09/2018 21:28

Oh that's different well then I would just leave the house tidy before I left and say I expect it to be as is when I get home . Then it's your standard not his . Kids will be fine for a night . Just do it sounds like you need it . I wish tag I had looked after myself better when the kids were younger . I plan to travel lots more then the last one finishes school !

AnoukSpirit · 07/09/2018 21:40

OCD causes distress.

Smug boasting isn't a symptom.

He's rather demanding, isn't he?

How would he react if you said that since cleaning and tidying is clearly his forte and effortless for him, he can take responsibility for it from now on?

Scifi101 · 07/09/2018 21:53

Everyone's time away seems to involve eating junk food.

I've worked hard to loose weight.

Can you get the same enjoyment if you don't eat junk do you think?

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 21:55

@Scifi101

Yes of course, I’d buy a lovely salad and maybe some tasty bits to go with it and then have a pudding 🍴

OP posts:
Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 21:56

@AnoukSpirit

When he gets annoyed he is demeaning, yes.

OP posts:
afrikat · 07/09/2018 21:58

My DH takes the kids to grandma's on his own a couple of times a year and I stay home alone - it's absolute heaven.
To the person asking about junk food - it's not a prerequisite. I have chronic illness and need to eat 'cleanly' so that doesn't change much but I'm much lazier about cleaning up after myself etc.and spend hours just watching box sets or movies and going to the cinema alone.
It seems like your relationship isn't in a great place at the moment so in the longer term I'd be thinking about what you really want but in the short term do it! You sound at breaking point so if this is what you need then so be it

MotherForkinShirtBalls · 07/09/2018 22:05

Last year I stayed in a hotel 4 miles away, just to get time to myself Blush. If you need it, do it.

And tbh, if he's going to use cleaning as a weapon I'd go away more regularly and make the most of it.

Scifi101 · 07/09/2018 22:14

Thanks Have and Afrikat.

Eating Badly seems to do something to my brain and I can't moderate it all.

IKnowImAGrump · 07/09/2018 22:17

I am a 32 year old female currently in Barcelona on my own. I've spent the past two days shopping, eating, sunbathing and I'm on my second novel. DO IT!

36degrees · 07/09/2018 22:19

afish I was at the Fort at half eight on Wednesday doing the exact same Brew

deepsea · 07/09/2018 22:20

I think your dh’s Social life will survive one night away op.

Just book it and go. It will do you the world of good.

I did silent retreats for the day every single month. My MH improved no end. My energy improved.

deepsea · 07/09/2018 22:21

It is called self care

HighsandLows77 · 07/09/2018 22:22

OP do it!
i booked myself for a night in a hotel and it was lovely, i only wished i had booked 2 nights but i spent the day to myself ate out and then had sweets and wine for the night stretched out in the lovely clean room.

i need to do it again soon.

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2018 22:25

When my youngest was little, life was extremely stressful and we were broke. I would have one Saturday a month where I got to do my own thing ON MY OWN. So I would perhaps get up early, drive to a different city from where I lived and spend the day wandering around there, visiting a free museum or art gallery, people watching, window shopping, having a nice lunch and just generally getting my mojo back. I'd be home by tea time with something nice for our tea. My DH would have looked after the kids, done a bit of cleaning, all the washing and walked the dog. It did wonders for our relationship as I felt like he really valued my sanity.
Now we are home alone, better off financially, we still do these things, but more often than not together. We've started cycling and get a great buzz out of that.
Time for yourself is crucial!

enoughisenough2 · 07/09/2018 22:25

I do this with my girls/alone it’s just normal to get away sometimes

Skittlesandbeer · 07/09/2018 22:29

My granny told me recently that in Germany in her day it was common (if not even expected) that mums would take themselves off somewhere for a break from family duties. Usually alone, or with a close friend in a similar situation. Around 2-3 days. I think it was called something like ‘mothering holiday’?

I like that it was considered a part of mothering well, rather than an escape from her ‘duties’ or something to do just before she cracked. Let’s bring it back!

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