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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to book in to a hotel on my own...

200 replies

HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:27

and leave my husband and kids at home alone? I’m desperate for time on my own. If I don’t get it I think I might crack. It would be a massive inconvenience for my husband and my kids wouldn’t want me to go. I want to be selfish just once but no one irl would understand. I mean for weekend though, not like week or anything extravagant.

🙁

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 07/09/2018 19:48

I know exactly how you feel - the utter wonder of not having to talk to anyone - wow.

SometimesMaybe · 07/09/2018 19:49

Well to be fair, it sounds like you have a lot of issues with your husband. Just do it. Take the time to breathe and then think about what you want from your life and your relationship.

OldSchoolDa · 07/09/2018 19:49

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Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:49

@eddielizzard

Oh I’d go Friday-Sunday!

OP posts:
SometimesMaybe · 07/09/2018 19:50

What’s actually stopping you? What will your DH do if you do it?

SoaringSwallow · 07/09/2018 19:51

I did this monthly for a while. I went to the spa too and had a massage and barely spoke to anyone. And wait for the best bit...when I felt like a nap I'd go back to my room OR go in the Silent room of the spa where they had double hammocks and blankets and sleep there. I'd watch movies in my room, bring chocolate with me and get a takeaway.

Think I need to do it again.

To be fair my life has been pretty hellish for a few years and it got to the point I either did this or I'd have ended up self-harming. Within a few hours of being home I'd wonder why I'm bothered having the break. But it was worth it as a tiny bit of maxed out respite. And not only was it good being away, once I'd booked the next one, just knowing it was coming was a balsam.

Go for it!

SometimesMaybe · 07/09/2018 19:51

How is it selfish? It isnt selfish for a parent to go away for the weekend with their friends or a parent. What’s the differnence going away by yourself.

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:52

@OldSchoolDa

I think my husband would think the same. But I think I’m gonna literally break apart if I don’t do something.

OP posts:
Wishiwasonholiday1 · 07/09/2018 19:52

When I get to that point, my husband is all for me having time away. I think it's really important, if it's just the case that he'll be a bit annoyed, I'd do it.

Maybe you going away will also help things when you get back. My husband always realised how much I do if I've been away longer than 24 hours ThanksWine

SoaringSwallow · 07/09/2018 19:52

It's selfish to not let someone who needs a break have one.

eddielizzard · 07/09/2018 19:52

@HaveSomeGrace, your DH doesn't feel bad about going out, so why should you? DO IT!!!!!!!!! They'll definitely appreciate you a lot more when you come back.

nokidshere · 07/09/2018 19:52

I e done it plenty of times when my children were young. Luxury hotel, room service, books, no phone and lots of snacks. Rarely left the room. Didn't miss them at all Grin total bliss. Do it.

OldSchoolDa · 07/09/2018 19:53

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Luxecalmeetvolupte · 07/09/2018 19:54

I did one night away like this a couple of months ago. Have 3yo and then 7mo non-sleeping baby, I basically said it was one night away like this or I'd be packing many more bags to leave completely... Didn't speak to anybody except hotel staff for 24 hrs, had dinner and wine by myself and read a book, full night's sleep, bliss. Doing a 2-nighter with a friend next month too... Totally necessary for mental health IMO.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 07/09/2018 19:55

@OldSchoolDa and she also said her husband has his own social life, maybe the OP is constantly holding the fort while her DH enjoys his social life and she needs a break too. Confused

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:55

@OldSchoolDa

What about my mental health? I’m not suggesting it as a simple weekend away.

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 07/09/2018 19:55

OldSchoolDa it's no more selfish than going away with your friends for a weekend? Would you be disappointed if she did that? Would you do that to her?

Go for it OP and when you come back have a chat with him about the inequality in your relationship. If he really has complete freedom in his social life and you have none then that's not fair is it?

Satchell · 07/09/2018 19:56

You are allowed to do that sometimes you know oldschoolda

SoyDora · 07/09/2018 19:56

She's putting her own interests ahead of her family's

Did you miss the bit where she said she couldn’t do it because it would impede on her husband’s social life? So doesn’t sound like he has any issue with putting his own interests before his families.

I did this once OP although with my husband’s blessing. I was broken with two non sleeping children. It was bliss and I came home a much happier person.

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 07/09/2018 19:57

@WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream

What you’ve said is very true.

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 07/09/2018 19:57

By her I mean your wife not the OP Grin

Cliveybaby · 07/09/2018 19:57

One of my mum's friends does this every year for her birthday!
Her husband and 2 sons are pretty useless from what I hear...

Ballsofmush · 07/09/2018 19:57

No she's doing what they tell you to do on planes - put your own oxygen mask on first so you can help the children after.
I have done the hotel room a couple of times when dc were younger. It is good for them to spend time with their father alone as well, so how can it be bad for the family?

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 07/09/2018 19:57

OP, I think you should go now and send us pics of room service!

Showpony2 · 07/09/2018 19:58

It would impede on his social life?!! So, what, he’s allowed to relax and get away it from it all but you can’t?? Why is he more important than you, OP?

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