To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

yes but better to be an old mans darling than a young mans slave as my mother said.

Is it really either/or?
My Aiden Turner lookalike (honestly) younger man is taking me to dinner tonight and refuses to let me pay for anything.
'I'm no one's slave!

i'm sure they're getting on very well but, y'know, sometimes you have to sacrifice short-term happiness in favour of long-term happiness. this strikes me as being very much one of those times.

I'm not sure that half your age plus 7 is a good measure. I would not date a 79 year old.

It's creepy.

His male friends would be impressed and envious?

Impressed - no. Envious - probably yes. Its not a long term situation in his mind most likely, but if he is 49, single and some nubile 19 year old wants to start spending time with him, why would he say no? What is the downside?

I'm sure the scorn of middle aged women is not at the forefront of his mind whilst this eager young lady is straddling him.

Has it got longevity? Nah. Would most single men in that situation go for it if opportunity presented itself? Yes

Personally, I fell like it all depends on their maturity levels. I know people my age (40's not that I tell people that ), who still act like children.

On the other hand, I know people in early 20's who know a lot about who they are and have a strong sense of self, and can make responsible decisions accordingly. For example, My nephew is 20 and has moved from the UK to Cape Town for work, all by himself.

The point I'm trying to make is that while the age difference is a large gap, if they do find common chemistry what does it matter? Yes, it may not be along term thing, but if you go into every relationship with that mentality that you'll never know what you want/like in a partner.

My brother is 49 and just recently divorced.
I don't think this would happen but if he did somehow meet someone who was 19, I'd be a bit concerned that they wouldn't have that much in common and it won't last. But also I'd know that he's a good kind person, who's not a creep at all, and just gone through a terrible separation so is perhaps not thinking clearly.

I'm not saying that's the case here, I'm just saying things aren't always so cut and dried.

(still wouldn't like it at all if my sons brought home someone 30 years older than them!)

I know a couple that started dating when she was 19 and he was in his 50s. They are now happily engaged and have a child together. They met through friends of friends, and their shared passion is music - he is a bassist and she an aspiring jazz singer. It's worked for them.

For me it very much depends on the individual circumstances.
Also it's insulting to the younger person to not look at them and their maturity/circumstances before writing them off as practically children.

I was 18 when I met my older partner (14 years older) but had already moved out, living a completely independent life and was working. He also was not a friend of my parents who had known me since childhood.

The above scenario is very different from some that have been described.

I agree that some that have been described are creepy but there are others that aren't and it's unfair to paint them all the same.

In principle yes but knowing someone with a similar age gap (I think they got together 18 and 43ish now 23 and 48ish). On paper sounds creepy, especially given he has a daughter older than her but they have a really good relationship and are genuinely a lovely couple. I know people who don't know them (and some that do) judge but they're happy, there is no coercion, they just have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company.

That being said, if it was my child I'd certainly have concerns.

I don't think women realise quite how much a "trophy" a very young girlfriend is for a middle aged man. Because women don't automatically think young=sexy but a lot of men do. Yes I know NAMALT.
So we are all thinking it's fine if both partners "like each other for their personalities" but in reality he is a bit of a creep who has probably taken up with her as it's good for his ego. And if she sticks around in 10 years time she'll realise she's wasted her twenties on a bloke who's going to be drawing his pension soon, and you never get that time back.

None of these relationships were based on an equal footing and they power dynamics were borderline exploitive. Sure you can argue these young women are technically adults and therefore should have their relationship decisions respected but sorry, they are mostly clueless teenagers getting excited about being taken to nice restaurants, driving around in a nice car and generally being 'kept'. More often then not they get spat out a few months later when they have served their purpose (sex)

I think for me I felt much more on an equal footing with my then BF than guys my own age. I was very much alone at the club in not wanting to participate in the drinking culture that went hand in hand with the game and it just felt very childish to me.

I clearly picked badly though as we just did normal couple things - eat in pubs, watch movies at home, cinema trips, trips to watch matches etc

Yeah it's disgusting. I don't care if it's 'technically legal'.

Revolting in my book and there’s very often an uneven power dynamic in relationships where the man is this much older, which worries me.

I suppose actually I should add that my friends are all "age gap" friendships too and all completely independent and separate from him (I didn't meet them through him)

My two best friend's are in their 50's and 70's I met them at 17
All my other friends are in their 50's and 60's except one who is just turned 41.

Im in my 30's now but they have all been my friends from about 17-21so I suppose what I'm saying is some people are just old for their years and that's very different from a "young" 19 year old who lives at home and still behaves very young.

I would have thought his friends would rip the piss out of him. Late 20s maybe, but not an actual teenager ffs.

I am not even going to pretend to condone it
It’s bloody disgusting and if it was my nineteen year old, I would be horrified

All legal but I personally find it grim.

I'd hate it if it was my dd.

But I fancied older men at that age. Not that old, though.

My DH is 9 years older than I am and we met when I was 23.

Rod and Penny

Catherine ZJ and Mike Douglas

Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee

Paul Weller and the new Mrs

Just let them get in with it.

Without knowing the two people involved, I wouldn't have an opinion on it.

Without knowing the two people involved, I wouldn't have an opinion on it.

Insightful

Why are so many people concerned about it not working out long term. Not all relationships have to - maybe to both of them it's a short, fun, fling. Provided they are both happy it doesn't matter if it only last a few weeks or even a couple of memorable evenings.

If the couple can get over the awkwardness and it's a genuine relationship then who could object? But if it were my DD, I'd be asking her to think ahead - eg, when she's 39 he'd be nearly 70, and she is likely to be widowed in her fifties.

With 2 out of 3 marriages ending in divorce, I'm bemused at comments on here that "it's unlikely to last".

Many relationships are not likely to last, including mine.

Enjoying each others company as long as it lasts is absolutely fine.