To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

Ew, it's creepy, the power dynamics are all fucked up.

Why would a 19 yr old girl fancy a 49 yr old man either?!?

Really? You can’t think of any reasons at all?

Bit confused by posters who are adamant, despite not knowing either person, that they can’t possibly have anything in common.

I’ve got friends of all ages and always have (my closest friends range from my age to about 15-20 years older but I’ve had friends older and younger). We have so much in common. Similar outlooks on life, values, humour, interests and hobbies? Have the people saying this honestly never clicked with someone else who is a couple decades older or younger and felt totally equal?

It really depends. If hes been married before and has children her age thats creepy. If hes middle aged, free and single then there really isn't that much difference. I dated a much much older man whilst still a teenager and whilst the relationship didn't work we still have a good friendship 20 years on, it isn't always creepy or controlling although it definitely can be.

It does sound weird however it isn't illegal and it doesn't hurt anyone. My Godparents had a large age gap and they were a very strong, loving couple. They had their occasional issues due to the age gap but as I grew up with them I didn't see that their relationship was strange.

Dirty old man.

Sick. Happened to me.
I had millions of issues from my own father, he saw the green light saying vulnerable and went for it.
I've never had a proper relationship since-I was groomed and used. Yes I was an 'adult' but barely.

I do find it a bit creepy, but it can definitely depend on how long they have known each other. A 19 year old woman meeting a 49 year old man in a bar and hitting it off is one thing; but the whole "Mr Knightley" scenario is another entirely. If it was a male friend of the family who has known the woman since she was a little girl and has basically been waiting for her to grow up, I find that incredibly unwholesome, especially given the tendency of younger girls to get crushes on their dad's friends.

In this case, the novelty will probably wear off fairly quickly. He might be one of those ruggedly handsome, outdoorsy middle-aged men and she genuinely fancies him - I wouldn't automatically think of it as wrong, unless their dynamic when they're together is weird.

Makes me think of that sex and the city episode. Saggy bum .

But that guy was in his 70s.
I know plenty of guys 40 plus with bums of steel.

Nooooo.

DH is 45 and DD is almost 20.

Wrong on so many levels.

When I was 18 a customer in a bar I worked in was dating someone with a similar age gap. I remember a conversation he was having at the bar without his buddies and him bragging that it was like being given a blank page.
I wasn't sure exactly what that implied but I do now! Massive red flag.
Their relationship didn't last very long.

I do know someone who was the other way around. He met her when he was 20 and she was 40. His parents were horrified, couldn't understand why a 20 year old man wanted to go out with a 40 year old woman who'd already had her children, gasped a lot, cried that they wouldn't be grandparents. He carried on and when I met them he was 40 and she was 60. He was a lovely chap, very solid and obviously just wanted to settle down in a family type situation, which gave him a lot of freedom to pursue his career and other interests. There wasn't anything creepy about it at all, she did look like his mum but that's not a reason to walk away from 20 years of a great relationship.

Makes me think of that sex and the city episode. Saggy bum

The 48 year old I dated still played rugby, trained twice a week and went running. There wasn't a saggy muscle in sight

If it was a male friend of the family who has known the woman since she was a little girl and has basically been waiting for her to grow up, I find that incredibly unwholesome, especially given the tendency of younger girls to get crushes on their dad's friends

I think that's a really important point actually.

I met the older chap as an adult. In a scenario that was a mutual interest so there certainly wasn't any element of grooming for example.

Yes creepy, I currently know of a 35 year old shagging a 19 year old. He's just split up from his wife and living at his parents, he had his 2 little girls staying over at the weekend and had to sneak the 19 year old past their bedrooms at 6am so she wouldn't wake the kids up... I find it so seedy!

What about man [60] and a 16 year old, definitely not right, someone i know [predator? ]i found out by accident

I am 40. He is 26. We have masses in common and very similar interests. He has taught me a huge amount about all sorts, and the relationship is very reciprocal. We've been friends for quite some time however neither of us expected to fall in love with each other.

His parents are genuinely lovely, and have welcomed me into their (blended) families as have his siblings, with open arms.

My family on the other hand? That's another thread, and I've had all sorts of painful crap to deal with because they don't seem to like seeing me happy / confident / worth something to somebody. It's a shame.

He loves my DCs, too. And they really like him.

I can see that 19-49 is a bigger gap, but you have no idea about their relationship. I had an incredible year or so in my early 20s with a 40-something gentleman. We are still in touch on social media, he is happily married but we often check in on each other - he was an awesome partner and we only split up when he had to move back to his native country for work - sadly the distances just weren't viable.

Let them get on with it - what will be will be.

*Sorry she's just turned 18 not 19! So a few weeks ago she was 17. Just makes me boak a bit

I am a 49 year old woman, and if I were to date a 19 year old man. yes that would be strange and creepy. So the reverse applies.

It would be like dating a child, even a grandchild . Not quite but still.

Exploitative is what I would say it was.

It’s not the 30 year gap, it’s the fact that the younger party is so very young.

It's not just the age gap, it's the completely different life stages. I've almost always had age gap relationships - my DH is quite a bit older than me - but I'm not daft enough to think that my examples are anything like 19 and 49!

We all know people who got together with someone in their 40's when they were 20-something. And yes, it CAN lead to long term wedded bliss and 6 kids, fine. But that is NOT the same as 19 - and just one year out of school - and 49.

The possibility of a significant power imbalance would concern me a lot. If a friend of mine - male or female - announced they were dating someone a year out of school when they were about to turn 50, I would probably judge. And I very, very rarely judge.

Very creepy indeed especially as some 19 year old girls look no different to when they were 15. Nothing can be done about it though, she is an adult.

It will probably just be a flash in the pan. I hope the girl leaves the relationship with ... something good.

In the days of debutantes, when they were presented to the Queen, a lot of teenage girls married much older men. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Also, nowadays, there are countries where young women will actively look for marriage with a much older man because old age is revered in their culture.

Creepy. yes. But the actual relationship would depend on the people involved.

waltflannigan and thingsthatgo have just highlighted perfectly why the situation is so creepy and unpleasant and why I would judge the man negatively - I would assume he was thinking those things.

i think it would be fucking disgusting and exploitative.

Of course teenagers can be pretty and attractive, but theyre kids. Surely you just talk to them and realise theyre from another dimension