To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

Creepy.

If the couple can get over the awkwardness and it's a genuine relationship then who could object?

Because I imagine, for reasons already mentioned here, that it is highly unlikely that the relationship would be one of equals. It is also likely that the relationship is probably the first 'serious' one the teenager has had so her expectations as to what is a 'normal' healthy relationship can be seriously undermined. I would seriously doubt the motives of a man in his 40s actively pursuing or accepting the advances of a teenager. The chances are a relationship with that age gap will fail, but it would be a shame if the young lady in question pisses away her 20s before she realises that she is better off dating someone closer to her own age. Finally, if the relationship does fo the distance she is going to spend most of her 30s and 40s being a carer before being widowed in her 50s. (cue lots of 'my DH is 30 years older then me and looks 25 and runs a marathon before breakfast' responses)

Creepy

I don't think women realise quite how much a "trophy" a very young girlfriend is for a middle aged man. Because women don't automatically think young=sexy but a lot of men do. Yes I know NAMALT.

Oh, I definitely knew, when I was dating my 40ish boyfriend at 20. We both got off on it. We found each other extremely attractive mutually and both enjoyed knowing other men were looking at us thinking ‘how did he pull her?’ or probably thinking I was young enough to be his daughter. We had more than just sexual comparability, but I was fully aware he was walking around with me like the cat that got the cream and I found it hot. All of the stares and judgment just made it hotter as it felt naughty and transgressive!

Come on people, he's only going to nail her for a couple of years not spend the rest of his days with her!

Once it goes down the move in together/marriage route its all over. This guy has likely just come out of that so is having some fun!

The chances are a relationship with that age gap will fail, but it would be a shame if the young lady in question pisses away her 20s before she realises that she is better off dating someone closer to her own age

There’s a far larger proportion of women who “piss away their 20s” on an unsuitable partner of their own age

'Tight snatch'??????

If that's the way the creepy old bastards are thinking- the 19 year olds are welcome to them

My DD22 is always going on about Jason Statham being 'hot' and he is 51!

I think it really depends on the couple, he could be a very young 49, she could be a very mature 19. It is a very big gap though and as PPs have said it will probably fizzle out quite quickly anyway.

urgh urgh urgh

I have a child that age and that would seriously freak me out

this whole thing of men with very much younger women is yucky I think

With such an age difference it is surely just shagging?

Well just last night we saw 2 hrs in A/E and there was a wonderful couple who had a 24 yr age gap and they had been and were extremely happy for 40 plus yrs

You knew all about these strangers in under two hours. Wow. I have had some friendships for 30 years and I still couldn't say I know the workings of their relationships...

'Tight snatch'??????

And by the way, this is something that comes up when people ask why a minority of grown men are attracted to little girls too... It's very very grim.

I would think the family friend was a wanker.

There was a 28 year age gap between Lord and Lady Baden-Powell (of Scouting fame). It probably raised a few eyebrows at the time, but they appear to have been very happy.

There's a 31 year age gap between my sister and her partner, they got together when she was 18 him 49. There was uproar from our parents, he was older than they were, he had kids older than my sister and grandkids. But once the dust settled and she got pregnant a year later, he was an accepted part of the family not that we had a choice now 12 years later with 2 kids together they are happy, he's a good father and to be honest you can't tell hes over 60, he's still fit as a fiddle, take his youngest 2 kids and grandkids out every Saturday for a game of football or to the park etc and Still works all the hours his company have to offer. Yes it's a shock since the younger partner is a teenager but give it a few years and you'll not bat an eyelid.

I'm male, very late 30s and just starting something with a 19 year old.

I know not all men are the same, but I honestly believe a very large proportion of men my age or older would love to have a 19/20 year old.

For me and the girl/woman I'm starting with, it is what it is, we've been honest with each other about that. It's early days but I have no interest in settling down with her or having kids (been there done that, enjoyed it, but not doing it again). I love the prospect of spending time with her, and yes having incredible sex with her. She gives my ego a huge boost, we both know that, and she makes me feel alive like I've never felt before. She's hugely submissive so really enjoys the effect she has on me and she loves knowing she can have me. Sexually, I'm so much more open minded and assured now, then when I was that age.

I don't think either of us is exploiting the other as we've been totally honest about what it is.

And yes, if/when I tell any friends about her they'll be impressed and envious. They wouldn't want to end their relationships for a much younger woman, but if they were available they'd leap at the chance.

Oh, and to the women saying their husbands find it weird, some might do, but I guarantee some are just saying it. There are a lot of older men who'd love to have sex with a 19 year old.

Where is it going? I don't know, but we'll enjoy it while it lasts and hope it doesn't overrun its course. I don't want to spoil her chances of finding someone to settle down and start a family with. She has time for that, I would encourage her and would absolutely stand aside.

yup so it's all about the sex basically

urgh

yup so it's all about the sex basically

...and ego

LDNH

Neanderthal deliberately triggering and goady post, which is more than likely a pack of lies

I don't think women realise quite how much a "trophy" a very young girlfriend is for a middle aged man

Oh I think they do, but they just don’t realise how demeaning that is, at that age they think it’s something to be proud of.

know not all men are the same, but I honestly believe a very large proportion of men my age or older would love to have a 19/20 year old.

You're only as old as the woman you feel, as they say.

I am not going to generalise or extrapolate. I am sure even big age gap relationsips can be as good as any other. Who knows whether the one mentioned in theOP will be one?

You can indeed generalise to estimate probabilities but you can't know.

I do think some people are being over-psychic in the things they are assuming re these individuals and their circumstances/attitudes.

My parents met when my mum was 22 and dad was 54. They moved in together within a week, got married, three years later, had me two years after than and were happily married until my dad died at the age of 89.

"It's obviously just shagging" "midlife crisis" "pissing away her twenties" on an "old fart" "gross" disgusting" "weird" "creepy".

Because two people love each other who YOU don't think should love each other.

Will you just listen to yourselves? You don't even know these people! Why don't you all take your judgements about who consenting adults have feelings for and who they chose to love and shove it.

And OP I hope they get the chance to tell you to do just that to your face.

I hate the judgement here about how other people choose to organise their relationships and the people they choose to have relationships with. The MN cohort is so progressive in some areas, but SO narrowminded and backward when it comes to this stuff.

So yes, 90% of you are BU. Very fucking U. Horrible, actually. About people you've never met.

MN at its very worst.

It is a bit as she is still so young, but if she was say 5 years older it woulden't be an issue.

Didn’t Oliver Reed age 47 meet his wife to be at age 16 .

I always thought she looked like she was more sensible than him

I think it depends on the couple.