Page 2 | To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

NatVoll · 2018-09-07T07:03:50+00:00

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on! Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it. AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

Papergirl1968 · 07/09/2018 08:34

I’m on the fence.
A friend of mine in his mid 50s got together with a woman in her mid 20s (they’d known each other through work for a couple of years). They married, had kids and are very happy, with a near 30 year age gap.
So it can work out.
And my friend is a lovely bloke, not at all creepy, and very young at heart. His wife is very nice too, very mature and with a lot of life experience under her belt. They just fit together really well.
But then there’s a difference between a woman of 19 and a woman of 25 so I would be concerned if it was my daughter.

HurricainBiancaDelRio · 07/09/2018 08:35

my sister was 18was having a secret relationship with our dads friend who was 42. then she fell pregnant to him so had to come out and tell everyone about the relationship. they had a daughter who is now 5 and they are still together. she is 23 and he is 47. I still cant get my head round how she can be with someone who was like an uncle to us.at one point him and his exwife lived next door to us and babysat me and my sister when we were younger. I find it weird. he knew us when we were kids. old enough to be her dad and actually has a son older than my sister.

JacquesHammer · 07/09/2018 08:36

You know I wouldn’t automatically think creepy.

I dated a 48 year old when I was 19. We met at the rugby club where we both played.

We dated for around 6 months then as a PP said it fizzled out. But it did so totally amicably and we remained friends.

I don’t see it as a negative experience at all BUT I think the motives of both parties are important.

Pollydidntputthekettleon · 07/09/2018 08:37

@Tinkobell
What you say is very common! My DD and her friends (20/21) often talk about older men and say they're not interested in 'boys' their age! According to them, most young women are into older men

maxthemartian · 07/09/2018 08:38

I'd find it really creepy. Guys in their late twenties seemed too old to me when I was 19 never mind late forties!

Tinkobell · 07/09/2018 08:41

TBH....I can see that this fixes quite a lot of social issues

care of the elderly shortage
youngsters getting on the housing ladder
repayment of student loans

Way to go! We just need older women to find more toyboys! Problems sorted.

Ohyesiam · 07/09/2018 08:41

Generally yes, but I’d reserve my judgement. I know a couple with this type of age gap and they are just really suited. If I did soulmates, I’d say that’s what they are, real spark and understanding between them.

Or it could be a mid life crisis obvs

AFistfulofDolores1 · 07/09/2018 08:42

He's having a midlife crisis.

AmIAWeed · 07/09/2018 08:43

I dated a guy 22 years older than me when I was 24 - it was one of the best relationships ever, ultimately I wanted marriage and a house, he'd been there, done that and didn't. We went our separate ways but stayed in touch for a while after.
He gave me the confidence to be who I am, prior to him I had 2 ex's one was abusive the other wanted me to stay meek and dependant on him
He was my biggest cheerleader, with work and any promotion I went after he was there supporting me
When we split up I was confident, happy and knew what I wanted from life
Sometimes we meet people for a brief point in time for a reason, I believe he made me a better person and ready to meet my current husband

CherryPavlova · 07/09/2018 08:47

My youngest had a crush on Jon Snow - think newsreader and was definitely attracted to men as old as her father. I think it’s a normal stage of finding their way - safety of loving their father as a pre-teen moving to daddy love being a bit uncool so moves on to fatherly figures who are safe to think about etc. Luckily mine moved through this stage and her first proper relationship is with a lad a year older than her.

Creepy, very creepy for him to act on any desire for a near child.

southnownorth · 07/09/2018 08:47

I'm a bit on the fence with this one. They are both adults, but I think if it was my daughter I don't think I would like it.

I was 18 and my DH was 28 when we met and that raised a few eyebrows. I have always preferred older men, but I don't think I would have gone that old.

neffall · 07/09/2018 08:53

My DD is 20 and has been chatted up in a bar by a 29 year old. She was appalled and said he's so old!!!! I confess I did chuckle at the thought of 28 being old. But 49 is definitely too old and a 30 year age gap is something to be questioned. Yes, looking at you Mick Jagger.

Tinkobell · 07/09/2018 08:56

@Cherry.....Jon Snow! How funny. DD and I both drool over the son, Dan Snow - so which one of us is naughty there?! 😁

Thinkingofausername1 · 07/09/2018 08:57

Odd and creepy.

Mrsharrison · 07/09/2018 08:58

I dated a guy 22 years older than me when I was 24 - it was one of the best relationships ever, ultimately I wanted marriage and a house, he'd been there, done that and didn't. We went our separate ways but stayed in touch for a while after.
He gave me the confidence to be who I am, prior to him I had 2 ex's one was abusive the other wanted me to stay meek and dependant on him
He was my biggest cheerleader, with work and any promotion I went after he was there supporting me
When we split up I was confident, happy and knew what I wanted from life
Sometimes we meet people for a brief point in time for a reason, I believe he made me a better person and ready to meet my current husband.

What a lovely post.
I'm dating a guy 20 years younger. That doesn't make me a predator - he's pursued me from the start.

Jaffacakesfordinner · 07/09/2018 09:00

My brother got with his now wife when he was 21 and she was 48. We all found it strange as she had a daughter older than her boyfriend. But no one batted that much of an eyelid when they got married a year later because they are soooo alike its unreal. I believe in today's society it would have been more of an issue if the woman was younger tho....

MelanieLampshade · 07/09/2018 09:06

It's wrong. He is on a power trip. Poor girl.

JacquesHammer · 07/09/2018 09:07

It's wrong. He is on a power trip. Poor girl

You can’t possibly know that as fact.

JustDanceAddict · 07/09/2018 09:10

Why would a 19 yr old girl fancy a 49 yr old man either?!? Bizzare. It’s the same age difference as me and DD.

madeoficecream · 07/09/2018 09:12

Id wait to see how it was... you cant judge just from the ages... sometimes its creepy and sometimes you can see that the people just have a lot in common and genuinely clicked despite the age gap.
Theres 16 years between my husband and me. My friend is in a same sex relationship with a girl 24 years younger than her and its not weird at all to see them together. They worked together and appear to genuinely love one another.
And there was 25 years between my husband and his ex, she being the older one. They were together 10 years... the age gap was one of the reasons for the break up in the end... I think my husband wanted a family and to travel but his gf had reached the point where she had grown up children and couldnt have any more and had done all her travelling. But they were very much in love and he was very sad when they broke up.

IronQuill · 07/09/2018 09:12

Meh, I couldn’t get worked up about it. They’re both adults and for all we know it suits them perfectly. Not every relationship has to be a committee long term one leading to marriage or children. They are obviously both getting something out of it or they wouldn’t be doing it!

At 22 I had a relationship with a 42 year old which I suppose isn’t that far off. I know people will say a 22 year old having three extra years of adulthood makes a big difference but people mature at different rates and I wouldn’t say I was any less mature at 22 that I am at 30. we barely noticed the age gap. It was never intended to be forever, we dated for six months, had a great time and stayed friends.

I struggle to see what’s wrong with this other than vague notions of ‘creepy’ which is entirely subjective and due to the cultural norms of whatever society you’re in at the time.

amusedbush · 07/09/2018 09:13

YANBU as long as you would also find a 49-year old woman dating a 19-year old man creepy.

I do. There was a poster recently who was in her mid 50's dating a guy in his early 20's and that makes me feel a bit queasy. The age gap was bigger than that between myself and either of my parents.

SerenDippitty · 07/09/2018 09:15

I’d be a bit concerned but would not immediately brand it creepy.

I was 28 and DH 39 when we met. We have been married 28 years and are very happy. Same age gap between my parents. Of my own age, the ones I liked never asked me out and those that did tended to be immature idiots!

Yikesisthatmeinthemirror · 07/09/2018 09:16

Makes me think of that sex and the city episode. Saggy bum

AmIAWeed · 07/09/2018 09:21

Mrsharrison Thank you - What I was trying to show was that in these situations it isn't always a creep or predator. Relationships can be genuine and you cannot make judgements on age alone... I do hope your own relationship makes you both happy.

Also, why has no-one has suggested the 19 year old might be using an older man as a sugar daddy, why is the man automatically a creep?!