To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

I am 40. He is 26

I'm very pleased that you're so happy, but this really is a completely different set of circumstances to the one in the OP .

Nothing about 40 and 26 would make me bat an eyelid.

It's a loooong, long way from 19, only left school a year ago, and 49.

I think it is a lot to do with life experiences and I think it may be tricky with a 49/19 age range as there is still quite a bit of maturing and learning to be done at 19. It is unlikely to last, but as a poster earlier found relationships are all about learning about yourself and other people and a lot can be gained from a relationship with an older person.

The half (the older) +7 rule seems to work socially. For instance a relation ship between a 50 and a 70 year old is deemed more socially acceptable than an 17 and 37 year old. For a 49 year old the youngest that probably won't raise eyebrows is about 32.

Pert boobs
Tight snatch
A more open minded attitude to sex

Ah mine never knew that I went into the relationship a virgin and left it a virgin as I wasn't ready. I certainly experienced less pressure from him to have sex compared with dating my contemporaries.

If any of my 40 something male friends introduced a 19 year old girlfriend to my social group I would quite frankly feel in equal measure embarrassment for him and concern for her. The 'age is just a number' brigade can fuck right off to be honest.

19 and 26 aren’t comparable ages at all!

My husband was 26 when we married. No way I would have married a 19 year old!

That’s why the formula is half your age plus 7. Because the younger you are, the more significant one year is.

Men just really, really fancy women that age.

When I was that age, I thought the married 40somethings levying after me were sleazy. Now I'm 40something, I find it depressing/worrying.

I sort of wish i'd married a much older man, in my 20s. It seems the only relationship where the bloke won't ditch you when you hit 50.

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes - you're absolutely right. It is a very different dynamic. At least they met in a bar rather than him having known her since she was much much younger. My neighbour has previously and rather eagerly told me how he "waited for her [his much younger, beautiful wife] to come of age" (16.....) before he swooped. Makes me feel queasy.

I wish my family would be more like you though: open-minded and less judgemental.

Live and let live. I’d find the woman in this situation more creepier to be honest

Yeah, all those creepy 19yo girls rubbing round creeping men out

I try to refrain from making one-size-fits-all judgments. Deciding that it is creepy purely from
the ages seems a bit prejudicial to me.

Of course such a relationship can be creepy, depending on the circumstances, motives, etc etc.

If any of my 40 something male friends introduced a 19 year old girlfriend to my social group I would quite frankly feel in equal measure embarrassment for him

His male friends would be impressed and envious. 🙄

My neighbour has previously and rather eagerly told me how he "waited for her [his much younger, beautiful wife] to come of age" (16.....)

Didn't Elvis do that with Priscilla?

in celeb world, older partner for a young 'un isnt so surprising but in real life, a bit unimaginable as most normal people have to slog it out at work to pay for mortgage/pay for cars.

i cant imagine what a 19 year old me would have had in common with a 49 year old - at 19 i'd probable be necking class As and smoking spliffs etc and a 49 year old would probable have an ex wife to pay maintenance and dependent kids to fund.

unless he's a well off person, like with several properties, massive turnover/very profitable business, swanking around in a Porsche, dripping in hermes and rolex, leading a not so run of the mill for their age life, i can't why i'd be interested - think wayne lineker/ danielle sandhu who are both stunning.

but.... obviously i dont what the people in this scenario are like so it could work but i freak out like fuck if my 19 year child came home with a 49 year old.

In a perfect world it wouldn't matter, but we know that there are lots of creepy men about, and many older men who seem to feel entitled to date much younger women. I really think a decent man of that age who met a teenager in a bar would take it no further, so yes I think it's creepy.

yes but better to be an old mans darling than a young mans slave as my mother said. Age gap like that is almost a norm in showbiz. She may like a much older man and/or a fat wallet

I would disapprove, and as has been mentioned earlier, think the half plus 7 rule is appropriate.

When I was 19 I started a relationship with a man 25 years older than me. It lasted around 2 years and was probably the best relationship I’ve ever had. I was at my happiest then.

I know this is going to be really contravertial and I'm not by any means saying that all old men who date teenagers/young girls are dodgy. But I know of only two men who started dating women much much younger than them, both of them sexually abused children. Neither of them are convicted pedophiles because the children didn't come forward and their victims are in their 40's now. It just makes me a little wary of the motives or sexual mentality of people who date someone as young as they can legally get.

My husband isn’t impressed and envious by the young woman who has recently entered our social group.

I think it’s because we’ve got kids. He doesn’t see her as an adult but as someone who was a child not long ago. He keeps saying that she seems naive and taking advantage of and he doesn’t like unwittingly being part of creating that ‘powerful older man’ dynamic. It is weird and you do feel a bit like you are contributing to the image of ‘sexy older man’ so as much as I’d like to be all open minded about it, we’ve started crying off from meet ups.

Certainly not jealous.

Well just last night we saw 2 hrs in A/E and there was a wonderful couple who had a 24 yr age gap and they had been and were extremely happy for 40 plus yrs , so l say it depends on the persons in the relationships.

As a man I can only suggest that as he is 49 years old, he has finally reached the mental age of a 19 year old lady....

Smacks of midlife crisis to be honest. On the other hand I met a man last week who is 52 and his fiancee is 23, they are a pair of the best matched people I've ever met, a shared brain kind of relationship. That was sweet enough.

*24

that's interesting batteriesisallgone, i think i'd feel uncomfortable if a friend came out to meet us with a partner under 27 year old, we're in our lates 30s.

His male friends would be impressed and envious.

While I can't speak for every man I can speak for my peer group and no, they would not be impressed or envious.

Even when I was in my 30s I had a few mates who were serial daters (players) and they would now and again rock up to the pub with their latest fling and it was embarrassing watching some 18 year old talk about how mature she is while to everyone else present she was just acting her age. None of these relationships were based on an equal footing and they power dynamics were borderline exploitive. Sure you can argue these young women are technically adults and therefore should have their relationship decisions respected but sorry, they are mostly clueless teenagers getting excited about being taken to nice restaurants, driving around in a nice car and generally being 'kept'. More often then not they get spat out a few months later when they have served their purpose (sex).

I think it totally depends on the pair tbh.

If she’s a young and immature 19yo who could easily be mistaken for a 15yo then it’s creepy.

If she’s mature for 19 and they have things in common then it’s not so much. At 19 I’d been fending for myself for almost 10 years, and mostly bringing up my younger sibling as well as trying to hide the alcoholism that meant my mum was basically useless (out of fear we’d be sent to live with our dad). I had absolutely nothing in common with lads my age. My boyfriend then was 39 and it was an equal, happy relationship with no predatory element. He’s still one of my friends now.

His male friends would be impressed and envious

I'm reasonably sure that my DH and our male friends wouldn't be either of those things.