To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

And no, they WOULDN'T be very likely to have anything in common. What are they gonna do? Take pouty selfies together, and upload them to instagram, put bloody TOWIE on, and then go on the piss at the local cocktail bar with her teeny mates?! Be serious FFS.

It really is frightening what some people think of 19 year olds. How many have you actually met on a social level, had a decent conversation with, or developed a relationship (of a platonic nature) with? I'm guessing none.
Because your experience of 19 year olds in no way matches mine. I have a number of friends, male and female, in the late teens and early twenties bracket (I'm over 50 myself). They are without exception lovely people, entertaining, considerate, well read and mature in their behaviour. They may go clubbing occasionally, they may travel, they don't take pouty selfies. I share one interest in particular with all of them but several other interests too. A few of them I find sexually attractive to a greater or lesser degree. One of them finds me attractive in a similar way. That's life. Why deny it. If I wasn't married I might do something more with it. Why be so judgemental? Fine if it doesn't suit you, but if it suits someone else and the relationship isn't based on any form of coercion, what's to judge?

@WhatsGoingOnEh 100% agree
Do you remember at school they always said the girls were more mature than the boys? This is the same thing taken to an extreme. There are so many 40 something men who are too immature to have a r'ship with a woman the same age.

Definitely not a teenager. I’m a little younger than you Stevie with a 17 yr old son - that’s like me with one of his mates. Just no.

Fair comment; thanks for your thoughts. Just as a matter of clarification, I wouldn't be planning to form any sort of friendship with my son's mates. That's a 'circumstance' thing, rather than an age thing though. In a similar manner, I wouldn't get involved with anyone in my immediate team at work.

She said to me she has to accept she will be a carer in her 50's.

Excellent set up for the man I guess.

Hot young girlfriend and a lifetime bumwiper.

It just makes me sad that men do this. That so many men don’t find women of their own age attractive. That so many older women are alone because their husbands have left them for younger models. That youth and beauty seems to be the only thing that matters to men. Then they spout this rubbish about age being just a number but it is mostly only one way.

And this really what all the vitriol is about. There is a pretence that is is about concern for the younger woman, but truly it is about those younger women "stealing" the available older men. At least this poster is honest about it.

I really don’t care that “younger” women are supposedly stealing “older” men.

I just think that the older party in this scenario, whether male or female, has a duty of care towards the younger one.

My son is 16. If a 49 year old goes out with him when he is 19, I will be concerned and worried. Ditto, I am 49. My neighbour has three sons, two of whom are now 21 and 25. If I were to “go out” with either of them, perish the thought, my friend would be more than justified in being upset. And WTF would be the matter with me. They are children compared to me, and I would feel that I was exploiting vulnerable people.

In any case it will never happen, because I know that compared to them I am ancient, and there is not a chance in hell that they or I would be interested.

All the 19 year olds in these scenarios are people’s children.

All the 19 year olds in these scenarios are people’s children.

All the 50 year olds in these scenarios are someone's children, too!!!

In any case it will never happen, because I know that compared to them I am ancient, and there is not a chance in hell that they or I would be interested.

Great - if all that works for you.

But:
I am definitely not ancient
Some younger men are interested in me
I am interested in some younger men

You do your thing. I'll do mine. Everyone's a winner

I dated a 49 year old at 19. For 3 years. We had a DD. It fizzled out because well different things from life. He wasn’t a creep though.

Pretty shit dad by all accounts mind

I just think that the older party in this scenario, whether male or female, has a duty of care towards the younger one

Well it could be argued that my bf did. No pressure for sex, respectful, intelligent, interested in the same things.

No one said you can’t do “your thing”. Isn’t this a debating thread?

At 50 you are not as vulnerable as at 19. How can you be.

I don’t feel old either, but I would say that any 49 year old is “ancient” compared to a 19 year old.

And I defy any parent, of a girl or boy, not to worry if they got together with a 49 year old when they were just out of school / childhood.

It’s not the 30 year gap, it’s the very young age of the younger party.

There was a poster (LDN something) who claimed to be late thirties dating a teenager. The whole post was about him - it was an ego boost being seen with her, the sex is amazing, his mates are all envious, he's only in for a fling. That's exactly what makes me uncomfortable about such a big age gap. And of course there are exceptions, but my first reaction would be to think it's a bit creepy.

No one said you can’t do “your thing"

No, they didn't and I never suggested they did. Yes, it's a debating thread and debate I will.

At 50 you are not as vulnerable as at 19. How can you be.

I think you'll find there are 50 year olds who are more vulnerable than some teenagers. I'm not one of them, but vulnerable older people do exist.

Can't comment on how I'd feel if my kids dated a much older person: never been in that situation. Yeah, I can see why you'd worry but upsetting people is not my stated aim in life

Greasy. Sorry. He was 30 when she was conceived. Gree-hee-heasy.

ChristinaMarlow - how old he was when she was conceived is totally irrelevant surely, my DH was 13 when I was conceived but I was 25 when we met so not wrong on any level.

@ZanyMobster Quite, and 13 years is irrelevant. It's an age gap, nothing more nor less. My point was that he was THIRTY. If you feel that's the same as your own example and therefore purely an equation then you have at it, by all means. I stand by my point. It's all relative. As someone that works in education that scenario - 19/49 is a concern. A massive concern. Sorry.

I haven't said it wasn't a concern at all if you see any of my posts. You could say a 16 year age gap is wrong as they were of age of consent when the younger person was born, that's all I am saying.

The concern is the fact that the person is 49 and the younger person is 19, the fact that he was 30 when she was born means nothing as they would not have been in a relationship at that point of course.

How concerning it is will vary based on the people involved and the type of relationship IMO. A very 'young' 19 yo going out with a 25 yo could be a concern if they were vulnerable in all honesty. I am most definitely not saying I agree with it but I just think a reality check is required by many people.

Surely it's weirder to purposefully seek out a younger partner as stevie seems to be doing (correct me if I'm wrong). One thing to meet and fall in love with a way younger person, but to set out looking for someone under 20 when you are 40 plus feels all kinds of wrong.

You 'could say' many things, but for obvious reasons I am clearly referring to the given example. I have no idea why we'd go into hypotheticals when the particular post/OP is talking about someone that was a grown ass man of 30 when the other party was born.
I find it inconceivable that this particular 19 year old is so exceptional and so well matched to said 49 year old that their DOB's are but a number.
I am referring solely to this example, which I would have thought obvious. Apologies if it was not.

Ok fair enough, but I don't think a 19 yo has to be particular exceptional to enjoy a relationship with a 49 yo man. We may not be talking about a long term relationship, could just be a bit of fun for both.

At 18 I did not think I would be with my 42 yo BF forever but we had fun as for 1 thing I knew I wanted children but he had already had his and they were adults so that was never happening, it suited us both and we caused no one harm in anyway. It's really not that unusual however as I have already said, as a parent now I would not be particularly happy regardless of how happy they were. I would also have to accept that as an adult someone of 19 can do as they please as far as partners are concerned.

To further clarify, my DD's father was 21 when she was born, I was 31. Not together as of 3months before her birth but that's besides the point. My father was 18 years older thany mother and she was by far the more grown up of the two. I older - by 8days - than my husband.

The case here is a dude that was 30 when his girlfriend was conceived. I am making a spectacle of the 3 decades age gap by using a graphic demonstration that their particular age gap allows. I don't see your arguement or its necessity, @ZanyMobster, not trying to incite a disagreement!

We are allowed to disagree, it's fine, I also don't see your argument or it's necessity and that is ok surely, it's just an opinion and I really don't have a gripe with you in any way. We do agree however that 30 years is too much as a rule, neither of us are necessarily right though, still just our opinion along with many on here.

I thought being so massively judgey was a no-no on MN?

YANBU. I'm (20F) currently in a similar situation. My (soon to be ex) partner (49M) is 29 years older than me and when we first started dating I saw nothing wrong with this at the time and didn't understand my family's strong reactions to it. I thought they were overreacting to be honest. It's now just over a year into the relationship and I live with him but am leaving due to the fact that he has been very emotionally and mentally abusive and exhausting lately, something i did not pick up on until 2 months ago. My family (whom I love to bits) had strong reactions but at the same time let me be some I'm pigheaded. After this last year, I can saw without a shadow of a doubt that it is not at all healthy and should be discouraged completely. This isn't saying that your friend will be the same with their OH as to me but I'd highly suggest sitting down with them and discussing it in detail.

I think even worse than the individual older people engaging in relationships with 18/19 year olds is the absolute entitled belief amongst (usually) men that when they are in their 40's, they are attractiveness wise the equivalent of a teenager.
Usually with potbellies, and balding, but consider an attractive woman their own age? God no-that's not even on their wavelength.
I have a colleague aged 50 who's with a 32 year old, that's bad enough, and she worried he was vulnerable as he'd only just started working in her place. She said going with younger men was better as they were harder.
She has no kids, so that wouldn't cross her mind.
I find it utterly incomprehensible to imagine finding someone attractive that is my child's age. And even if I did, which I never have, there is no way in hell I'd act on it. It's every shade of wrong whether the older person is male or female.
I read a lot of feminist literature years ago and was put off Simone de Beauvoir on reading she had an affair with a 17yo student.