To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

I would argue Stevie was deliberately goady regarding their own perversions rather than composed.

their own perversions

Finding young adult bodies attractive is not a perversion.

Well done for keeping your composure Stevie in the face of some astonishing rudeness.

Thank you: very much appreciated

Please remember that 'Words are like weapons: And wound sometimes'

I may not live the lifestyle that many of you would like me to. But I still have feelings.

attraction yes but a relationship no its all one sided

Which side is getting all the benefit?

And how EXACTLY would people feel if their 19 year old DAUGHTER dated a man of nearly 50? You'd be fine with it would ya?
I'd greatly prefer it to her being shacked up with a loser her own with a baby and one on the way and crying anout how he wont marry her.

A 19 yr old shouldn't be looking for a long term relationship. They shlould be dating and getting to know a lot of people and learning what they will eventually want and not want in a long term relationship.

When I was 18 I dated a 36 year old. At the time I thought I was so grown up, looking back I realise I was young, shy, needy and desperate for attention and he saw this. I do think “eeew” now, and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say but at the time I got what I needed (attention, relationship, someone that wanted me, a bit of power maybe?) and he got what he needed, a young girlfriend to show off, bit of an ego boost etc.

Well, I was renting my own place with my boyfriend at that age, baby at 20. Not some "naive child" who can't possibly date an older man without being exploited.

As I said. I was 18 with a child and my own place.

Having a child doesn't suddenly make you this wise mature person.

But for the third time, I took it back that they are ALL naive. I think the attraction for a lot of people who start relationships with teens/ very young adults when they are middle-aged is the fact that many are still relatively immature and will put up with a lot more shit. It is often a power thing. I have seen it play out IRL. It happens. A 19 year old just doesn't have as much wisdom as an older woman. And certain types of men/women like that.

Also argue that any older person wanting a relationship with someone that age is deeply lacking in self esteem and desperate for the ego boost.

Also argue that any older person wanting a relationship with someone that age is deeply lacking in self esteem and desperate for the ego boost.

Nope, I think my self-esteem's fine. And I wouldn't do anything purely for an ego boost.

Sad that most people only think about sex and lust when they hear of such an age gap.
The man is 49!!!! It's not old.
Most men that age find 19 year olds attractive.... He has the confidence to date one.

Most men that age find 19 year olds attractive.... He has the confidence to date one.

The reason most men that age don't date 19 year olds is not due to a lack of confidence. It does not take confidence to date a teen.

I disagree that most men that age find 19 year olds attractive. Most of them view them as not much more than children, relative to their age of course. The older I get the younger teenagers seem to me. We can all appreciate a beautiful teen/young adult but most of us don't want to sleep with them.

It depends so much on the dynamic doesn't it.

If they both are going into it eyes open and she doesn't feel controlled then I guess I have no right to tell her she's wrong. I may think that he clearly has no luck with women his own age though.

To be fair I find 19 year old men attractive sometimes. I'm married but would I sleep with them? No idea but I'd not want to have a long term relationship with one as we would be on totally different aspects of our lives.

Btw I'm 28 so slightly different than a 50 year old women. Just saying it's not automatically the default to not find men 5-10 years your junior attractive.

Sad that most people only think about sex and lust when they hear of such an age gap.

Some people seem to think only in terms of stereotypes and generalisations.

As I''ve said above, understandable where the stereotypes come from, but you should probably hold fire when talking to a specific individual you know little about

.Rather than thinking you know their character, mind, personality and everything else about them as well as if you had read the crib notes on them.

Why don't women his own age want him? Probably because he's creepy and likes to manipulate young women.

A 19 year old adult is old enough to constent - legally & morally

Therefore, how can it be "wrong"? It's not.

Legal is a pretty low bar for morality and depends on what country you are in. You can have sex with someone in England knowing you have HIV and not use a condom but as long as you don't actually give them HIV it's legal.

Is it fucking moral, I'd say no.

Fucking someone while married legal.
Lying to a person about who you are to have sex with them. All fine.

Personally, if the person wasn't old enough to buy cigarettes three years ago they probably aren't old enough for a 50 year old.

I’m 19 myself and I’d find it weird. 23 would be the oldest I’d consider and that still feels old
However, a lot of my friends are dating men in their 30s and they seem happy, a few have started a family

Very creepy !

It just makes me sad that men do this. That so many men don’t find women of their own age attractive. That so many older women are alone because their husbands have left them for younger models. That youth and beauty seems to be the only thing that matters to men. Then they spout this rubbish about age being just a number but it is mostly only one way.

I am probably a bit jaded As someone whose father had consistent affairs with women that were always younger. In fact their ages have not really every changed as he has got older 20s/30s. He is now 70 and married to a 39 year old. And has nothing more to do with his family. It makes me sick that that is the most important thing to him above all else.

Why don't women his own age want him? Probably because he's creepy and likes to manipulate young women

No women his age want him?

Bingbong - you are ridiculously judgemental and narrow minded. It's pretty common for women to find older men attraction, certainly not rare at all. I don't think it's creep whatsoever. What is creepy is a much older man being interested in a teen. I don't agree that they have nothing in common but there are not a huge amount of age gap relationships (25-30 year differences that work).

I am open minded enough to understand that some do and are in no way creepy or abusive. I had a couple of lovely age gap relationships, I also had one where he did what a pp mentioned and gaslighted me trying to make out I was immature etc, he was not abusive or anything, just a bit of a twat and was embarrassed that he was with someone so much younger (I was 17, he was 39. It was only as an adult that I realised how wrong he was and it wasn't me at all. The only really abusive and controlling relationship I had was with XH who was only 7 years older.

At 18 I was working full time whilst training for a professional job, renting a house and had my own car etc. I wasn't a 'girl' so I had plenty in common with older men.

FWIW my DH is 13 years older than me, so not a huge gap. I was 25 and he was 38 when we met, been together 13 years now. If I was 15 and he was 28 I do think it's a big gap.

I definitely don't think it's ideal generally with big gaps but I think some people on here have no idea and just assume it is always controlling or abuse and unequal when it really isn't.

Thankewe - I think your post proves people are all different, even at 18 I would have found a 23 yo unattractive and immature. I would have definitely been looking at late 20s at the very least. It's strange because I don't think my tastes have changed at all really, I find the same age range of men attractive now at 38 (maybe late 20s is pushing it a bit as I always would prefer older).

You say you find it weird, do you find your friends relationships weird or do they seem happy and normal (for want of a better word). My friends didn't bat an eyelid, some had BFs their own age, some older, we never thought anything of it. In fact the only time we did was when our 13 yo friend went out with a 19yo. To us that was the weirdest as she was so young and they were definitely having regular sex. 15 years onwards and we thought nothing of it.

My gut is saying it's a bit yucky but if they're happy and both want the same thing and are not expecting age to be irrelevant one day I'd reserve judgement I think.

He has the money to date a 19 year old, that's all. With other assets such as his own home and nice car, it's all good.

There are loads of older men out there throwing money at young girls, pretending it's their looks and charm that have 'pulled' when they know if they weren't flashing the cash and/or assets they'd be dead in the water.

2 consenting adults who know what the deal is here, even tho 1 may be in denial. I'd say let them get on with it - unless it's my DD of course. I'm not going to be hypocritical and pretend I wouldn't move heaven and earth to get some dude 30+ years older than her with ear and nose hair likely sucking his belly in, away from her

& don't pretend a 49 year old can look as good and have the energy of a younger man. They can't, and don't. They're old boys buying youth. Nothing new

The only reason they're not staying in their lane is they can buy themselves out of it, despite what they'd have others believe. That is all.

I know a 70 YO who keeps dating 18 year olds

Definately creepy and disturbing