Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

462 replies

NatVoll · 07/09/2018 08:03

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

OP posts:
PorridgePhrincess · 08/09/2018 06:36

I judged Billie Piper and Chris Evans, but looking back he seemed to support her out of a difficult period of her life, give her confidence to reinvent herself and then let her go without bitterness. So I was wrong.

Hideandgo · 08/09/2018 06:42

I always think that there’s two kinds of relationships. One where the two individuals are partners with equal levels of respect and common dreams, and ones where the woman is some kind of enhancement or accessory to the mans life. The second kind of relationship is the standard one in society I more and more realise. And when something better that offers more (or something new) comes along, the man just takes it because the first woman was only an accessory anyway.

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 08:09

& don't pretend a 49 year old can look as good and have the energy of a younger man. They can't, and don't

Well my bf was still playing rugby at the time. Not in the vets, in the first team because he was fit enough and probably the most outstanding player on the team so he did ok matching guys 20 years his junior for energy Grin

stevie69 · 08/09/2018 08:44

Absolutely agree. Some 49 year old men are in excellent shape and that nicely leads me into my point which is .....

I came on this thread to support people having 'age gap' relationships, providing those relationships are happy and consenting. That was my only point. Agreed it turned into a bit of a bunfight between me and the many - with a few snippets of support from others, for which .... thank you Blush

It was never meant to be about me. I was merely trying to put an alternative point of view across.

It's certainly been enlightening. I've enjoyed the debate. Will it change what I do? No, because nobody has put a sufficiently compelling case forward to make me question my way of life.

I will continue to date mean of all ages - yes, they're not all younger

  • if I like them. And if they like me. I meet them in a variety of social settings: at work, down the football, at the gym. I will not be cruising the cities of the north in a flashy car, offering bags of sweets and asking young men if they want to come and see some puppies. I've checked my moral compass and it reads just fine to me.

Enjoy your weekends and above all, be happy. Life has a habit of passing you by while you're busy making other plans Blush

Honflyr · 08/09/2018 08:45

don't pretend a 49 year old can look as good and have the energy of a younger man. They can't, and don't

But some women prefer older men. The woman I know who started dating a 50 year old when she was 19 had always fancied Alan Rickman as a young teen.

Sarahandduck18 · 08/09/2018 08:48

Creep

Jennylovestea · 08/09/2018 08:48

Really creepy. I don’t care if a teenager is up for it, is very mature for their age (thinking it and going for someone so much older probably shows they’re not mature at all) etc - the onus is on the older person not to be such a creepy letch and know better

Honflyr · 08/09/2018 08:50

Why don't women his own age want him? Probably because he's creepy and likes to manipulate young women.

Maybe they do want him, but he doesn't want them.

mimibunz · 08/09/2018 08:52

Maybe she wants security and comfort and he wants youth and innocence. They find those things in each other and call it love. I don’t mind so much.

stevie69 · 08/09/2018 08:53

I wouldn't describe myself as a 'creepy letch': bit extreme but, hey .....

Honflyr · 08/09/2018 08:54

going for someone so much older probably shows they’re not mature at

Why does having a preference for older men make you immature? Hmm

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 08:57

For me that relationship really set the bar in what I was looking for in terms of acknowledging my worth, the way I expected and deserved to be treated.

It didn’t mean that I was always interested in older men - I was happily with someone for 15 years who was a year younger than me. I’m now casually seeing someone who is 12 years older than me.

I discovered the value of friendship, companionship, mutual interests, respect, the ability to talk to one’s partner.

For me it was only 6 months and was never going to be a long term thing but it remains one of the most positive relationships of my life.

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 08:59

And just to add neither of us “went after the other”. We ended up spending time together because of our roles at the rugby club (and he wasn’t my coach before accusations of abuse of position occur) and got on extremely well.

We discussed the disparity in age at length and decided we’d still like to spend time together.

stevie69 · 08/09/2018 09:01

@JacquesHammer

Mumsnet is so lucky to have you Blush

TroysMammy · 08/09/2018 09:01

When I hear of an older man and a younger woman being together I always think he's looking for a nurse in his old age.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 08/09/2018 09:04

Maybe he wants youth and innocence Hmm nice

I went out with an older guy and at the times I got a kick out of others thinking how has he got her and he certainly got a kick out of that it seemed amusing yes he liked other things about me but his ego was well and truly inflated

now I look back and think that's pretty sad he boosted his ego for me I was just seen for nothing more that a hot young women I am more than that and always was

Jaxtellerswife · 08/09/2018 09:20

I think people give an awful lot of time to thinking about things that aren't their business or even a problem

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 09:21

@stevie69

What a lovely thing to say. I just dislike knee jerk judgement.

I always think it’s far more important to get to know a situation fully before professing it to be “perverted” or either party as a “creep”. I mean sure, it’s possible it IS a toxic relationship which of course isn’t acceptable but it might just be a mutually beneficial, decent relationship.

Jennylovestea · 08/09/2018 09:29

Maybe I am a 'no good bum' then. But I'm a nice woman and definitely not 'odd', 'creepy' or 'predatory'.

That’s your opinion of you - what’s other folks opinion of you? Don’t you wonder what these young guys really think? What age and gap are we talking here.

Jennylovestea · 08/09/2018 09:34

I wasn’t naive. I was an adult who enjoyed the company of a man I was attracted to. No coercion. No control. Mutual respect. Seems a pretty decent relationship to me. In fact more respectful than several I’ve had with men my own age.

Tbh, I don’t think about the young man or woman - they’re basically kids with little life experience. All i see is the grown much older adult - and I’d think they were creepy and totally inappropriate - I don’t care how good looking and in shape they are - lines are drawn somewhere in folks minds

Honflyr · 08/09/2018 09:42

Tbh, I don’t think about the young man or woman - they’re basically kids with little life experience

Basically kids Hmm

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 09:47

All i see is the grown much older adult - and I’d think they were creepy and totally inappropriate

Which is fine - your call. But I’d hate to be that judgemental. It shows such limited thought process.

TerfedOff · 08/09/2018 09:47

My nana used to tell me "you're better being a young man's darling than an old man's nursemaid"

That's the trouble with big age gap relationships. When he gets old and can't do anything she'll only be in her 40s in the prime of life.

It's also very upsetting as a child to have a very old dad comparative to your peers.

I know this as there were 17 years between my parents. My mum spent her 60s contrained at home nursing my ill and then dying father. When her peers were enjoying their retirement and travelling with their spouses..

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 09:49

That's the trouble with big age gap relationships. When he gets old and can't do anything she'll only be in her 40s in the prime of life

I think it’s impoetant to remember that relationships aren’t always about the long term. We acknowledged that there was unlikely to be a long-term future in our relationship for a number of reasons. That didn’t mean that it couldn’t be enjoyable shorter term.

stevie69 · 08/09/2018 10:01

That’s your opinion of you - what’s other folks opinion of you? Don’t you wonder what these young guys really think? What age and gap are we talking here.

I've no idea what other folks' opinion of me is. Tell me yours and I'll build up a portfolio Grin

The younger guys? They seemed to like me Blush. I'm 51. The age gap varies. Like I said, I just go for guys I like who like me.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread