To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

Awful the way people assume that older men are creepy if they have a relationship with a young woman and it must be all about sex.
Relationships are about lots of other things. Look at the late Bruce Forsyth and his wife. She adored him and he adored her. People were cynical about them.

Yes - 19 yr olds are basically kids mostly with little life experience - they could change so much through their 20s, 30s. An adult in their 50s? Not so much. And i have to wonder at an adult who can’t understand why others see a 50 yr old with a teenager as bring inappropriate snd creepy. I don’t expect a teenager to get it - but i do expect a 50 yr old to - a well balanced thoughtful one to anyway.

they could change so much through their 20s, 30s

Of course. Doesn’t mean their current experiences at any age are invalid or naive.

It just makes me sad that men do this. That so many men don’t find women of their own age attractive. That so many older women are alone because their husbands have left them for younger models. That youth and beauty seems to be the only thing that matters to men. Then they spout this rubbish about age being just a number but it is mostly only one way.

I feel exactly the same, @Allegorical 😔

Bold fail! That paragraph was a quote.

And i have to wonder at an adult who can’t understand why others see a 50 yr old with a teenager as bring inappropriate snd creepy

And what exactly is it about those adults that you're wondering?

You, and others, seem to be quite vociferous without actually saying much of substance. So, let's cut to the chase. I'm 51. What is the age range of the men be that I can date without you feeling the need to come on here and vent?

Come on, give me some guidelines. We've had the 'half my age plus seven'. Any advance?

who is saying you can't date much younger men

just the vast majority of people find those who are much younger immature in their outlook in life. Even if they first come across as mature their life experiences are so different they have so much more to experience, to grow emotionally and form their own opinion and ideas

I'm 51. What is the age range of the men be that I can date without you feeling the need to come on here and vent?

I think you are supposed to ignore your own feelings and those of a potential consenting adult partner and find out what the 'rules' are laid down by a section of the community who should mind their own business and concentrate on their own relationships.

who is saying you can't date much younger men

Nobody is saying I can't; that would be pretty futile, wouldn't it?

However, from the comments on the thread it seems to me perfectly clear that many people are uncomfortable about the age ranges of the men I date. My request was for some specific guidance as to what would make people sufficiently happy to prevent them from coming on here, suggesting that I'm 'creepy' and 'predatory'.

'@Gottagetmoving'

Aaah, thank you. Now, I understand.. I shall try to be more in tune with the feelings of the masses in future [

Definitely not a teenager. I’m a little younger than you Stevie with a 17 yr old son - that’s like me with one of his mates. Just no.

i am quite sure most adults would find it odd

i would certainly wouldn't find it uncomfortable a women in her 50's dating my son when he is late teens or early 20's what on earth to they have in common and why would she want to be with someone with so little experience in life as an adult

would find it uncomfortable …

My basic life rule is that you shouldn't have sex with people who are young enough you could have birthed them in the normal run of events.

I'm afraid MYOB. They're not asking or needing your meddling

Im 44 and am dating a 57 year old...we are both a bit but really like each other and neither of us can bear to stop.

Been there, I was the 19 year old girl. The relationship was based on mutual attraction, but only lasted about a year. Don't recollect why it ended , I think it had just run its course.

We stayed friends though and unfortunately he died a couple of years later

It shows such limited thought process.

Or maybe people are forming opinions based on previously observed outcomes of teenage / older person relationships?

Most of my nieces and nephews are in the 16 - 20 age bracket, they are smart, articulate, good fun and good natured, they also act their age, that’s not a criticism, it’s just that their taste in humour, music, fashion, slang, weekend activities and general outlook on life is quite different to my peer group of 40 something’s. They jokingly invite me out clubbing or down the pub with their mates knowing I would say no because I would be like a fish out of water wondering what the hell I was doing in said venue. I don’t really want to be seen as the sad old git trying to vicariously relive my youth by hanging out with people more then half my age.

they also act their age, that’s not a criticism, it’s just that their taste in humour, music, fashion, slang, weekend activities and general outlook on life is quite different to my peer group of 40 something’s

But you must appreciate that not all 16-20 year olds enjoy the same interests?

Plus not all activities are defined by age.

Im 44 and am dating a 57 year old...we are both a bit shock but really like each other and neither of us can bear to stop.

Hardly a generation gap is it?

Myusername... come off it, at 44 years old you know your own mind. I have a 19 yo dd and no fucking way would I be encouraging her to date someone older than her dad. The dynamics are wrong.

44 and 57 is really normal. Both middle aged, same stage in life etc.

40s and teenage is a different kettle of fish.

Having said that, different people are older or younger at different ages. My mum is 70 and would love to find a boyfriend / partner but she admits she never fancies anyone her own age as they always seem so old - in looks and habits etc. She’s a very young 70, whizzes round all over the place, listens to Kiss on the radio (!) and enjoys watching stuff like Trainspotting! There’s no way generally speaking a man of 70+ would be right for her!

I am nearly 40 and my dh is 8 years younger. When we met I was a divorced mum of 1 and he was fresh out of university. He’s very old for his age in many ways and I’m quite young so we meet in the middle! Been together years now and we have a 6 year old together.

I don’t really want to be seen as the sad old git trying to vicariously relive my youth by hanging out with people more then half my age

How sad. Firstly, because you think that's how others will judge you and secondly, because you would let the way others think stop you doing something.
Ok, I am guessing you wouldn't really want to? That would be the ONLY reason not to do it.

It's fucking ridiculous that people will deny themselves something they may enjoy because other narrow minded or judgemental idiots will condemn them.

I know someone who is 28, married to a 57 year old man. They met when she was 20.

They have a 6 year old son, and seem very happy indeed.

She said to me she has to accept she will be a carer in her 50's.

It is timely, because my partner and I were discussing them last night. I just can't imagine it, as they are at such different stages of their lives.