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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny brought her family over whilst we’re on holiday

197 replies

Vanessatiger · 07/09/2018 06:59

AIBU to sack her

Background to this: nanny started with us in May, we went away the whole of August. Meanwhile we agreed she’d look after the house together with the housekeeper. They’d alternate 2+2 weeks. Feed the dog etc. we found out that the nanny had not fed the dog (left it to the gardener) and she never came once to dust the house. Instead she brought her two children and her husband to have a “party” at ours. Eating, drinking, using our livingroom and the children played with our children’s toys. I think it would’ve be fine if she had asked but she didn’t. I only found out because I asked the landlord to go and fix a few broken things in the house. He said he was surprised to find our nanny and her family there using our house but asked if that was pre-arranged.

When we came back, we asked the nanny and her attitude was “nothing was damaged and taken so no big deal, they just used the house to lounge around”... i reckon they live in a smaller space so it’s nice to use our big house, but i find it quite disrespectful.
The problem is our 1,5 yr old likes her a lot. And in general she’s very good with children.

We are expats where nannies are readily available at a fraction of the costs in the UK.

What would you do?

OP posts:
greendale17 · 07/09/2018 07:01

For me the trust would be broken. She said no big deal?

Get rid.

SneakyGremlins · 07/09/2018 07:01

Erm, fire her Hmm

OliviaBenson · 07/09/2018 07:03

She can't even look after a dog? No way would I trust her with my child.

Movablefeast · 07/09/2018 07:06

Unfortunately it would set a precedent if you let her get away with this behaviour, she will just keep taking the Michael in the most outrageous ways.

I’m sure you can find another lovely nanny that your child will love if that there are plenty to choose from locally. You must be able to trust your nanny!

Justabouthadituptohere · 07/09/2018 07:09

Get rid.

SusanneLinder · 07/09/2018 07:15

If she could potentially leave a dog to starve, I certainly wouldn't trust her with my children.....

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 07/09/2018 07:15

She left the gardener to feed our lovely dog..

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 07/09/2018 07:17

Fired without a doubt.

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 07/09/2018 07:17

Oh poor dog 😩 I would not be happy for that reason alone.

Is there no strike system with you? Or would this come under gross misconduct?

To me you seem to be enjoying the idea of firing her.

Of course she has a smaller house than you, she’s your bloody nanny. 🙄🙄🙄

Singlebutmarried · 07/09/2018 07:18

I’d get rid.

NonaGrey · 07/09/2018 07:20

To me you seem to be enjoying the idea of firing her.

Exactly where in the OP’s post fo you get that Non?

She’s so unsure about firing her she started an MN thread? I’d have fired her for gross misconduct immediately.

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 07/09/2018 07:23

I really wouldn’t enjoy firing her. She has kids in school which she’s paying for and her husband earns less than her. I’m weighing in pros and cons...

OP posts:
MsJolly · 07/09/2018 07:23

Fire her-no matter how much your child likes her she is untrustworthy. What will she do next? I was just using underwear you weren't wearing-it was just in the drawer?

aybeeseedee · 07/09/2018 07:30

This is an abuse of trust and would be a sackable offence for me. Look at it another way, she stole your hot water, electricity etc without asking and presumed it was ok.

FWIW I'm a nanny and housekeeper for two high income families. I wouldn't dream of doing this, despite the fact I could and they'd never know...because it's dishonest.

If you can't trust her with your dog and house then why are you trusting her with your dc.

Beaverhausen · 07/09/2018 07:33

Give her a written warning and install baby cams /cctv in the house just to be safe and ensure there is nothing else that she is doing that would break your trust.

ThanosSavedMe · 07/09/2018 07:33

I’ve been a nanny, no way would I have ever abused my employers trust like that.

If your uncomfortable sacking her, I would at least tell her she was very wrong to do that but you are willing to give her another chance but that’s it, next time, she’s out

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 07/09/2018 07:33

Thank you all for your feedback!

OP posts:
Petalflowers · 07/09/2018 07:34

If she had brought the children over as she had no childcare, whilst working, and they quietly entertained themselves, fair enough. Ie, watched tv, did some colouring etc , that’s nots so bad.

However, to use your house as free child entertainment, and to play with all your kids toys, that’s wrong.

She didn’t ask permission, didn’t do her job, and didn’tvfeed The dog

Also, her financial situation is not your responsibility.

CoraPirbright · 07/09/2018 07:34

Totally understand the guilt you are wrestling with re your nanny being the main breadwinner but, seeing as that is the case, she shouldnt have such a bloody cavalier attitude.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 07/09/2018 07:34

To me you seem to be enjoying the idea of firing her.

What a load of bollocks.

Well she's a right cheeky fuck isn't she - I'd definitely be firing her for gross misconduct. She didn't do anything she was being paid to do and she's treated your home like a free hotel.

Laiste · 07/09/2018 07:35

Did she arrange with the gardener to feed the dog? That would be different to leaving the dog to starve.

If she did make arrangements for the dog, and her only other crime was to use your house for a family day and cleaned up properly and treated the place with respect i think i'd give her another chance. Lay the ground rules down properly.

Monny1 · 07/09/2018 07:36

I think her behaviour is disgusting. If you don’t want to fire her, then give her a warning. Tell her if it happens again you will fire her. Another thing you could do, is look for a new nanny and then decide, if you want to keep the old nanny.

DreamingofSunshine · 07/09/2018 07:37

Being the breadwinner isn't relevant. She broke your trust and took advantage.

I'd explain to her why she's being fired so that she knows that it isn't something which is acceptable- could it be cultural?

Aeroflotgirl · 07/09/2018 07:38

I would fire her, her personal circumstances aren't yiur issue. She behaved like a massive CF, took advantage, add to that, she did not do what was asked of her, it coukd have killed your dog. Her attitude is all wrong, not apologising or remorseful.

juneau · 07/09/2018 07:38

Well you SHOULD fire her, as she's completely taken the piss. If you don't want to, then I'd make sure she is under no illusions that her behaviour was completely unacceptable and if ever like this ever happens again then she will be fired immediately.

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