Nanny brought her family over whilst we’re on holiday

[Vanessatiger]

AIBU to sack her

Background to this: nanny started with us in May, we went away the whole of August. Meanwhile we agreed she’d look after the house together with the housekeeper. They’d alternate 2+2 weeks. Feed the dog etc. we found out that the nanny had not fed the dog (left it to the gardener) and she never came once to dust the house. Instead she brought her two children and her husband to have a “party” at ours. Eating, drinking, using our livingroom and the children played with our children’s toys. I think it would’ve be fine if she had asked but she didn’t. I only found out because I asked the landlord to go and fix a few broken things in the house. He said he was surprised to find our nanny and her family there using our house but asked if that was pre-arranged.

When we came back, we asked the nanny and her attitude was “nothing was damaged and taken so no big deal, they just used the house to lounge around”... i reckon they live in a smaller space so it’s nice to use our big house, but i find it quite disrespectful.
The problem is our 1,5 yr old likes her a lot. And in general she’s very good with children.

We are expats where nannies are readily available at a fraction of the costs in the UK.

What would you do?

So you have a nanny, a housekeeper, a gardener..... And a landlord???? shock

I've been renting for the last 20 years wherever I've lived, and had combinations of cleaners/gardeners/nannies/doing it myself - it's completely normal - we don't expect to live in a place for more than a year or two, buying would be silly - as would carting around lawnmowers and spades from country to country so I can maintain my landlord's garden.

You'd basically just employed her for two months when she let you down badly and abused your trust. Why would you continue with this? Send her on her way with a months pay in lieu and learn from the experience (references, probation, clear written contract and duties).

I'd fire the housekeeper and the nanny as neither done their job and killed your fish.

Actually, OP, could you, in future, ask a neighbour to keep an eye on the house and on the workers? Maybe keep a key they have to get from, so that they know someone is keeping track?

If she's only been with you for, effectively, three months I doubt that your child has developed much of a bond with her. Essentially in August she was taking her pay for doing none of the duties you asked her to do, and misusing your property into the bargain. I can't see any reason not to sack her.

Broken Wing: At last, someone questioning the dog being left on its own! At least it had some company on the day the nanny brought the kids round. You would not be allowed to rehome a dog in this country if left alone for more than a few hours, never mind a month. Did anyone take it for walks?

Was the dog alone at your home 24/7 for a month with just someone coming in to feed (and maybe walk) it?

Based on the other info provided I’m guessing it’s a guard dog rather than a pet? Still not ok, obviously.

My first instinct was to say, "Sack her". I'm annoyed about the dog but she knew the gardener would feed (who walked?).

She was quite out of order to use your house to entertain without asking.

However, you appear to like her and your little one does so she has good points.

It might be worth speaking seriously to her stressing that what happened must never happen again and continue to employ her but with a watchful eye.

If she does have to go, make sure you give her a decent reference; you don't have to mention her partying at your house etc, just how good she is as a nanny.

It sounds like you need a new crew because none of them did their job, at least the gardener kept your dog alive so maybe just a warning for him. The nanny and housekeeper let your fish and plants die.

I expect her attitude is representative of the pool of domestic help, and it's not really the end of the world. Warning and move on.

FWIW, a lot of cultures are totally baffled by the Western obsession with dogs. This is not to say it's OK to not feed the dog. Just that I'd take a closer look at the dogsitter in certain countries than I would in the UK.

I've always had delivery drivers remove their shoes in my house (in UK)

Oh! Hello, Hyacinth. Didn't know you were A MNer

What would you do?

I'd get rid.

@ schadenfreude

Maybe not racist as such but your sweeping generalisations make you sound ignorant op. And yes a bit of a colonialist.

I’m also worried about the poor dog. I’d never have or agree to look after one but you really should have made proper provision for your pet OP.

OP - from your last update, I'd sack the housekeeper and Nanny as they have both been negligent in their responsibilities.

Yes, you need to let her go, sadly

I think you're adding moral judgement onto words personally.

I think lazy is always a moral judgment when applied to a whole culture, not a person who hasn't done their job. In fact, it's a moral judgment full stop ie. you consider that person to be 'bad'. Is lazy ever a compliment? This may well be justified, and sounds like it may be so in the OP's update dripfeed.

OP, I am a bit surprised you are more upset about the nany's family using your house and leaving a wrapper under the sofa than you are about it being dirty, having leaks, your housekeeper AND nanny not doing what you'd requested, your dog not being fed or walked and your fish all dying? The title of your OP is very odd in light of your update.

I’m sorry you think I’m colonialist, that’s the last thing I’d describe myself.

Well you wouldn't, would you.

As for the taking responsibility thing, if you have two cultures living side by side and one knows that no matter what they do, they'll always be denied opportunities and respect (and always live in fear of violence, sickness and starvation), there is not the same room to care about crumbs on the rich lady's carpet.

Skittlesandbeer has given you fantastic advise and is spot on.

There is nothing to add to it.

If she could potentially leave a dog to starve, I certainly wouldn't trust her with my children.....

^ this.

Find a new nanny.

Saying most Arabs are lazy is racist regardless of your ethnic background. That's not hard to understand surely?

there is no rainy season in the ME

Until you've lived there and amongst the culture you can't say anything.

Nigerians are lazy

Would that be ok to say? If you've lived in Lagos and observed this to be true in your entitled opinion?