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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think our DC should come before £25?

192 replies

WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:03

Posted this in nurseries. Bit scared of AIBU... decided to just go ahead and post!

Went to view a lovely nursery today. DH couldn't come (boring story).

It's AMAZING. But an extra £50 per month compared to other nurseries.

Really frustrated as he wants to save the £50 and send our baby to a cheaper and not as good nursery. We will both be paying for this so it's only an extra £25 a month each and we are both on good wages. He thinks the money can be spent on something else.

What would you do in a situation like this? Where you can't agree? Both agree that it's the best nursery but he's not willing to part with the extra £25.

Im frustrated by it and don't want to give in and send our baby to a good but not quite AS good nursery. He won't back down ether and thinks the money is more important (first child and we make £65k a year between us with small mortgage and minor outgoings. He has a DS who is in school and he pays maintenance for).
I'm also dropping my hours at work, which whilst this will be part of my contribution to childcare, I'm also sacrificing some pension, annual leave, part of my bonus, promotion opportunity etc etc. It seems unfair that I'm doing this and he won't sacrifice £25...

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:05

WIBU to say fine then I'm not dropping hours, we can put baby in childcare full time and it'll cost you at least £25 more A WEEK?!

OP posts:
sanssherif · 06/09/2018 22:07

In what ways is it better?
50 is a lot of money.

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:08

sans food nappies wipes included. They teach languages from the age of 1.5. They have more staff to children. Longer opening hours. Huge outdoor area. Ofsted outstanding for years and years. Also recommended by a friend which is priceless.

OP posts:
namechanged0983 · 06/09/2018 22:09

I disagree. I think £50 A MONTH is negligible - that's only £600 a year. Could you both agree to forgo a takeaway or two a month so it's not an "extra" financial burden?

pretendingtowork1 · 06/09/2018 22:10

WIBU to say fine then I'm not dropping hours, we can put baby in childcare full time and it'll cost you at least £25 more A WEEK?!

yes. he sounds like he may not be a long term prospect so you should prioritise your career.

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:11

name I would be willing to forgo three meals a week to send my child to an incredible nursery! £50 is affordable for us. More than.

OP posts:
whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 06/09/2018 22:11

Depends on what you can afford in the first instance.

But as a mother, I would pay it myself. That leads on to questions about the state of your marriage and your husband'a attitude. I'm afraid the dice would fall accordingly.

There was a thread on here recently about a woman who felt she was consistently compromising. Compromise often meant she didn't get what she wants.

Can you afford £50? If so, do it. It's a demonstration of your belief in your child and you exerting your wishes for how your child is raised.

And do not have another child with him. He's shown you who he is...believe him .

altiara · 06/09/2018 22:11

Sounds like the £50 is perfectly affordable and you should pay for the best care you are happy with. You’ll be leaving your baby for days every week. You want decent people to take care of your baby so it will cost money.
if you couldn’t afford it, then you would have to decide between what was available that you’re happy with.

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 06/09/2018 22:12

Reschedule a visit for him to see it.

Book the nursery space.

I say that as someone who has chosen a nursery that’s about £150/m more expensive than the other nursery we looked at - but to me it’s more than worth it, my husband didn’t argue, he was happy that I was that sure. We have no money either by the way 🙈.

£25 isn’t enough to be arguing about, especially when it comes to investment in your child. Tell him not to be such a skin flint.

Rosemary46 · 06/09/2018 22:13

he sounds like he may not be a long term prospect so you should prioritise your career

This is good advice.

RosiesYellowDress · 06/09/2018 22:13

So the other nursery you have to provide all that? So that would make the other nursey not £50 extra when u deducted costs

sanssherif · 06/09/2018 22:13

The language thing will make no long term difference, it just sounds good. The cost of wipes etc is negligible.
The other stuff good, do you have additional cost for longer hours though?

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:13

I'm so frustrated by the whole thing. I honestly just want what is best for our baby and he is being so, so tight.

OP posts:
lowtide · 06/09/2018 22:14

You’re totally mismatched in your thinking. He thinks good enough is fine.
You want better.

This is what you need to talk about. Not the £25 each. That’s a red herring.

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:14

sans I think it will if we continue with it? No it's charged by the day.

OP posts:
MissVanjie · 06/09/2018 22:15

If you can afford it then you should always go with the one your gut tells you to. Longer opening hours will give you greater working flexibility which in turn could be an investment in your future. Staff ratios - obviously this is a big plus. But then again £600 is a lot of money - that would pay for christmas and then some in my house. Tricky.

drquin · 06/09/2018 22:15

Notwithstanding the fine points above about compromise, you could surely make a practical argument in terms of how much £50 is in relation to the food, wipes & nappies provided?

The extended opening hours is potentially "worth" something to you too.

SunnyCoco · 06/09/2018 22:15

Definitely send them to the good nursery

What could be more important than the care of your baby

HerpDeDerp · 06/09/2018 22:16

I agree with the person that said to book another visit to it with him.

figelnarage · 06/09/2018 22:16

I agree with you OP. £50 a month is nothing if can afford it. If he couldn't be bothered to visit then it should be your decision anyway.

MyDcAreMarvel · 06/09/2018 22:17

Languages from 18 months Grin most dc are only speaking a few sentences of English.
Play makes a good nursery , and outdoor space , also kind staff, that’s it.

lowtide · 06/09/2018 22:18

Just spend £25 less on nice things for him.
That kit kat you buy him. The more expensive coffee. Things he likes.
Or just have a proper adult conversation

User878929333 · 06/09/2018 22:19

I totally agree with you. Childcare is one thing that should never be the ‘cheap’ option. I don’t understand if you have the £25 spare what could be more important.

What’s his attitude like to his older son? Is he penny pinching with his well-being too?

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:19

The language is important. I am bilingual and want to teach our children to speak my first language. The fact that they have someone there who can speak it is amazing!

OP posts:
Rednaxela · 06/09/2018 22:19

We did exactly this. Spend time and money taking DS to a nursery with amazing outdoor space. It's about £8 day more expensive than the "sensible" ones nearby. But once I'd been to see it I couldn't have it any other way. I don't care we're on the bones of our arse. It's worth it. You can't get this time back. But you can always earn more money.

Miserliness is one of the biggest turnoffs in a partner or friend. What an utter dick.

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