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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think our DC should come before £25?

192 replies

WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:03

Posted this in nurseries. Bit scared of AIBU... decided to just go ahead and post!

Went to view a lovely nursery today. DH couldn't come (boring story).

It's AMAZING. But an extra £50 per month compared to other nurseries.

Really frustrated as he wants to save the £50 and send our baby to a cheaper and not as good nursery. We will both be paying for this so it's only an extra £25 a month each and we are both on good wages. He thinks the money can be spent on something else.

What would you do in a situation like this? Where you can't agree? Both agree that it's the best nursery but he's not willing to part with the extra £25.

Im frustrated by it and don't want to give in and send our baby to a good but not quite AS good nursery. He won't back down ether and thinks the money is more important (first child and we make £65k a year between us with small mortgage and minor outgoings. He has a DS who is in school and he pays maintenance for).
I'm also dropping my hours at work, which whilst this will be part of my contribution to childcare, I'm also sacrificing some pension, annual leave, part of my bonus, promotion opportunity etc etc. It seems unfair that I'm doing this and he won't sacrifice £25...

WWYD?

OP posts:
Lotsalotsagiggles · 06/09/2018 22:20

Suggest if need to save money so much the virgin or his gum membership should go..

Agree, get him to view the nursery or white lie ad say space as cheaper one has gone 😲

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:21

Lots not going to lie to him. He could just phone them and ask... that could go very wrong!

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 06/09/2018 22:21

We had to get a second car because of the nursery we chose, rather than the two we could walk to. So YANBU. It's about gut instinct and wanting the best one for your child.

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:26

Our DC isn't actually born yet and we are already arguing over this. Due in a month and their waiting list for a space is a year so we would need to get DC on the list in the next four weeks. So frustrated and anxious. What if we just can't agree?

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 06/09/2018 22:29

£25 each is not much at all for a place in an excellent nursery. Stick to your guns op, and don’t let him undermine your point of view. Good luck.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 06/09/2018 22:29

Why not put his name down on 2 waiting lists, and wait and see nearer the time?

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:30

gotta because in DHs mind I've essentially agreed to the other nursery then...

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 06/09/2018 22:30

YANBU - you need to be totally happy with your nursery. Your little one will spend a lot of time here and a great nursery is worth extra money.

Your husband is being a bit of an arse. He would probably spend this on a slightly fancier car, so why not a slightly better nursery?

My 10 year old neice still talks about her great nursery - she was there form 12 months until she was four. It was epxmesive bit worth every penny. She did languages too - it was fun

SunnyCoco · 06/09/2018 22:30

Then just pay the extra £50 yourself
You will want to leave your baby in the best care you can find

RJnomore1 · 06/09/2018 22:30

Oh god I remember when we were totally skint finding money to send dd to a Montessori nursery... I couldn't have been with dh if he didn't put things like that first.

lowtide · 06/09/2018 22:31

Oh well if the kid isn’t born then it’s a moot point. As soon as it is, he will most likely change his mind.
Put them on both lists and tell him.

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:31

sunny I shouldn't have to do that though...

OP posts:
Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:31

low you think? I thought the fact that he already has a DS would mean he should understand...

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 06/09/2018 22:33

I bet he would pay more than that if HE was leasing a car or gym membership, tight sod!

ChocolateWombat · 06/09/2018 22:33

The thing is, he hasn't seen it......so he can't imagine how it might be different. It's really important for him to go and see it - why don't you ask him to go and visit it and agree that until he's seen it,mnomdecisions can be made.

Once he's seen it, he might agree with you.....or not.

And Inwould say,mthat as a general principle, I do t agree that we should always spend as much as we can afford to get the absolute best of everything for our children........there are other important things in family life too and it might be judged important to build up savings, or to have money for holidays or whatever....and the extra value really gained by having the more expensive option, should be really considered carefully. Sometimes I think people get carried away with the idea that their child must have the very best if everything and everything else should be sacrificed to that. Of course, this might not be going on here.

Fed get him to go and visit. That way you can have an informed conversation about it. If you still disagree, one of you will have to compromise. Only after he has visited, I think that if there is still disagreement but this means so much to you, you need to then make that clear and ask him to give way to you as you value it so very much .....but come with ideas of how that money can be saved from other areas.....and don't demand your way or suggest he loves the child less or isn't willing to spend on her.....that isn't helpful.....he's just thinking about money and considering other expenses which will also benefit your child too.

lowtide · 06/09/2018 22:34

Well I don’t know him and you’ve not talked about his views on his current dc.
So not sure what to say on that one! Only you know.
Fight for what you think is best

MinaPaws · 06/09/2018 22:35

I'd just tell him that I phoned the cheaper one to book a place and there's a one year waiting list. And assume he isn't going to check.

lowtide · 06/09/2018 22:36

I agree with others. Say you can have a proper 50/50 decision with me when you’ve gone and compared them.
After your dc is born.

Original poster
WaitingRoom1 · 06/09/2018 22:37

low current DC is bought every toy under the sun, meals out, treats, etc etc. That's fine I've never minded him treating his own kid. He buys all his meals at work when he could make them. He spends £250 a month on car finance when he could just buy a cheap car. This has all been fine but now hes realising how much a child costs and I'm anxious that material things are more important to him and that our relationship will deteriorate because of it. His DC doesn't live with him so he's never known the true costs of childcare.

OP posts:
CatLadyToddlerMother · 06/09/2018 22:37

I went with the more expensive nursery because it just felt right.

My DD is now 3 and has been there for 2 years, best choice I ever made. I'm a lone parent now but I'd bankrupt myself to keep her there. I have a great relationship with all the staff that work there, and she just loves it. I don't regret spending more on this now,

Powerless · 06/09/2018 22:37

@WaitingRoom1
The nappies, wipes and food you will provide per month in the cheaper nursery will likely be MORE than £50?????????? So it works out equal in terms of pricing???????

SunnyCoco · 06/09/2018 22:37

OP oh I know you shouldn’t have to

But I know I couldn’t live with myself leaving my little baby somewhere I wasn’t happy with for the sake of an amount you’d find easily affordable

Rebecca36 · 06/09/2018 22:38

Go for the more expensive nursery regardless of what your husband said. It sounds great and at only £25 a month each, well worth it. I hope your little one thrives there!

SunnyCoco · 06/09/2018 22:39

Sorry I didn’t mean that in a harsh way - I just have little ones too so I know how emotional it can feel when you find somewhere with lovely people that just feels right x

blackteasplease · 06/09/2018 22:40

God, you are 100% right on this one. Always get the best childcare you can afford. What could be more important (other than housing, food, bills etc- the stuff you already have covered).

As others have said it's a minimal amount. And you would probably spend more on the food, nappies and stuff that is included. So in a way it's the cheaper nursery!

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