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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 05/09/2018 21:26

Seeing the probation officer so frequently would ring alarm bells with me too. Can you take her with you to the police station to find out if it's that or something else? She may find it easier to hear from them than you and you don't want to drive her away towards him!

LumpSatAloneInABoggyMarsh · 05/09/2018 21:27

If he is on the sex offenders register for having pictures of a 17 year old I am sure his probation officer would like to know about his relationship with a 16 year old.

I agree that the story isn't making sense. If he had shared those pictures and the offence was distributing pictures of a minor maybe....

dementedpixie · 05/09/2018 21:27

So he was 12 and the girlfriend was 17? He was the minor, not her

TomHardysNextWife · 05/09/2018 21:28

Gosh that's terrifying. I don't know how much the Police will disclose to you but his story sounds like a crock of shit to be honest.

dementedpixie · 05/09/2018 21:28

Sorry thought you'd said he'd been on it for 7 years! Must learn to read properly

princesspino · 05/09/2018 21:28

That doesn’t make sense. If he had pictures of his 17 year old girfriend when he was arrested (and put on the register) and that was 7 years ago, that would make him at least 24 at least. Or did I read that wrong?

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:28

He’s 19. When he was caught with the images he was 18 and the girl in question was 17 years old.

He is now 19 and my daughter is 16

OP posts:
princesspino · 05/09/2018 21:29

Oops ignore me. I just re-read it

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:29

He’s on the register for the next seven years. This all happened just before they met.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 05/09/2018 21:29

I don't think 17 is a minor so I suspect she was a lot younger

Failingat40 · 05/09/2018 21:29

Have you googled his full name?

Sex offenders are usually named in the court lists after sentencing and will appear in the local press.

If there was a reporter at the court it should be easy to find out what he was found guilt of.

supercalifragilistic2 · 05/09/2018 21:29

Unless he was the girls coach or teacher etc. 17 isn't an issue (I don't think...)

The story is clearly utter bollocks. 7 years on the register and weekly probation he's potentially classed as a high risk.

I don't know if the police can tell you what he's done, maybe worth speaking to his probation officer or the probation service and asking if he poses a risk to your daughter (although she's over age and no children, so potentially won't tell you)

Have you tried googling his name and the area? If it was a case covered by the media you'll probably find something?

LumpSatAloneInABoggyMarsh · 05/09/2018 21:30

I think taking her with you might be a good idea actually. She might realise the concern you have and they might be more willing to talk to her then you.

Maybe ring 101 for advice on who to speak to if you don't know his probation officer. Or possibly a social worker since DD is 16, they could tell you if they thought DD was at risk at least.

The biggest worry is that she may really resent you and end up running to him more.

HollowTalk · 05/09/2018 21:30

It sounds like rubbish to me. Phones don't get looked at when there's a fight. Was something said to him about an underage girlfriend, for the police to check his phone?

Needhelpasking4help · 05/09/2018 21:30

I think there is a lot more to this than he's letting on!

AnyFucker · 05/09/2018 21:30

The timeline is all wrong here or somebody cannot add up

Justawaterformeplease · 05/09/2018 21:31

Can you use Sarah’s law for this?

ChocolateDoll · 05/09/2018 21:31

Sarah’s Law should mean that the police will disclose to you any relevant information, surely?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 05/09/2018 21:31

Yes you read it wrong. He’s on the register for 7 years not from 7 years ago.

OP I can guarantee you that he’s only told her what he think she’ll accept.

I doubt the CPS would prosecute an 18 year old over having a nude photo of a 17 year old, to the extent he sees his probation officer weekly.

BeefyCakes · 05/09/2018 21:31

Claire's law? Could you get the information via that?

Feefeetrixabelle · 05/09/2018 21:31

I would say you need the full information on this. Maybe contact the non emergency line

dementedpixie · 05/09/2018 21:31

Never mind, have read it is 18 (I thought it was 16)

honeysucklejasmine · 05/09/2018 21:32

I didn't think police were that bothered about teenage relationships where technically one is a minor but the age gap is normal i.e. 17 and 18. Versus, say, 12 and 18.

I smell bullshit and I'd be speaking to the police.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/09/2018 21:32

Seeing a probation office weekly for the next seven years? No way that was for having pictures of a 17 year old on his phone Hmm

ApolloandDaphne · 05/09/2018 21:32

Nah that's a fishy story. If he has been placed on the sex offenders register for 7 years he has had more than a picture of a naked 17 yo on his phone.

You can go speak to the police or better still try to locate his probation officer and pass on that he is in a relationship with a 16 yo. A ph