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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
PuntCuffin · 05/09/2018 21:32

Since when was a person over the legal age of consent (17) not allowed to share naked images of themselves? No one is going to be on the register with weekly check ins for having naked pictures of someone over the age of consent, considering he can barely have been a year older at that point.

You are right it does not add up.

Options include, she was under 16 or the images were not consensual. Or, all that she has been told is a complete fabrication.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2018 21:32

It is very funny and I would!d be reluctant to believe it. Have you done a Google search of him. Ask his probation officer.

LotsToThinkOf · 05/09/2018 21:32

None of that story makes sense, the timeline for one. YANBU to seek advice from the police and encourage her to stay away until she knows she's safe. Have you googled his name? Something might come up.

c3pu · 05/09/2018 21:32

Phone 101 and ask for a disclosure under Sarah's law.

WrongKindOfFace · 05/09/2018 21:33

He’s lying. Have you tried googling his name?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 05/09/2018 21:33

I would have thought multiple images of child abuse would warrant that level of probabation.

Lucked · 05/09/2018 21:33

Would Clare's law apply here?

Allthatsnot · 05/09/2018 21:33

18 is right for indecent images so it is possible but I would definitely check it out and if you have younger children you could request it under sarahs law if they refuse due to data protection.

Groovee · 05/09/2018 21:33

You could try searching theukdatabase.com/

ApolloandDaphne · 05/09/2018 21:33

Sorry posted too soon.

A call to the local SW call centre should suffice to pass on this info to the correct person.

Writersblock2 · 05/09/2018 21:33

Google his name.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/09/2018 21:33

I would doubt that the police would at interested in consensual photos of a 17 year old on the phone of her 18 year old boyfriend.
So there must be more to it than that

kierenthecommunity · 05/09/2018 21:34

It’s Clare’s law to find out if someone is a risk to a partner and Sarah’s law if they’re risk to a child. I’d ask to speak to someone from safeguarding and get their advice as I think either would be applicable. You could call 101 now and get the ball rolling

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 21:34

He is not telling your daughter the truth. Please do impress this upon her gently. You don't want to drive her towards him and at 16 she is going to feel emotional towards him.

Someone above suggested googling his full name and I think that is a good idea, it may yield some information.

I hope all turns out well, please let us know how it goes.

eastmidswarwicknightnanny · 05/09/2018 21:34

Based on what little I know that's story sounds like shite if he was 18 and the girl 17 at the time a couple of images on his phone with her consent would not have got to court. More likely the images were non consensual, the girl was 12,13,14 and he shared the images further. To have such lengthy probation something more occurred he has told her a softer version of what occurred until he has groomed her into thinking he is amazing and lovely and then whatever you say she won't believe.

Always trust your gut those feelings are there for a reason act upon them.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:35

I feel too that if this story was true would a judge really make a young man sign a sex offenders register for the next 7 years when the girl in the photos was 17 and his ex girlfriend ?

I’ve told my daughter all my concerns and that I am going to the police and she seems calm about it because she is confident he is telling the truth.

I found out that usually you only get put on a sex offenders register for 7 years if you have received a custody sentence in regards to a sex offence. She then told me that the police charged him for assault and the indecent images together and it was a suspended sentence 🤔🤔😳

OP posts:
RedBallpointPens · 05/09/2018 21:35

Those aged 16 and 17 are deemed old enough to consent to sex but the law for pornographic photos and videos sets the cut off age as 18. I'm surprised it means being on the sex offenders register for so long and seeing a probation officer so frequently. Speak to the police to see how much of the full story you can access and if they can tell you whether he is a danger.

supercalifragilistic2 · 05/09/2018 21:36

Might be of help @Brighton5555

How long do offenders remain on the register?
It depends on the offence. Those given a jail sentence of more than 30 months for sexual offending are placed on the register indefinitely. Those imprisoned for between six and 30 months remain on the register for 10 years, or five years if they are under 18. Those sentenced for six months or less are placed on the register for seven years, or three and a half years if under 18. Those cautioned for a sexual offence are put on the register for two years, or one year if under 18.

So potentially sentenced to less than 6 months. He sounds like he may be under supervision by his probation officer. If you google the term it will explain in more detail.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 05/09/2018 21:36

Oh dear Brighton I feel your pain here. Pp’s have both made sense. You really don’t want to send her running into his arms, but is it actually possible to be put on the register for photos of a 17yo?
Your daughter is 16.
My dd is nearly 16 so your post really got to me.
I’d be tempted to keep him as close to home as possible. Get to know him, invite him in where you can keep a close eye while you assess and find out as much as you can.
Your girls safety and happiness is paramount.

805Thistle · 05/09/2018 21:36

What did the google search say?

MyDoctor · 05/09/2018 21:37

His version of events smells like BS to me. I've never heard of police going through someone's phone after a fist fight in college. I'd wager the images were of a girl much younger than he's letting on, if that's really what happened. He's told the most innocent, hard luck story about ending up on the register.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 05/09/2018 21:37

There is a whole legal thing with ‘sexts’ and teens. We are told to tell young people that it is a criminal offence to have sexually explicit photos of young people on any phone, including photos of a same age partner that have been shared consensually. It is also an offence to view such photos - to the extent that if we receive info in school that sexts are available, they have to be referred to the safeguarding lead - we are not allowed to verify it ourselves, obviously for our own protection.

The story you are being told is therefore not implausible although whether it is something that would have happened 7 years ago, I don’t know (you would need to research the legislation).

kierenthecommunity · 05/09/2018 21:38

I also can’t think why the police would look at his phone when investigating an assault tbh, other than if there was a suggestion someone filmed it for him. (Which would be disturbing quite frankly)

The other consideration is the assault must have been reasonably serious for probation to be involved. If it was a mere scuffle and he’d not been in trouble before he would have probably got a community resolution or similar. I don’t think you’re BU to be concerned

cardibach · 05/09/2018 21:38

The ,aw relating to indecent photos covers up to age 18, so naked pictures of his girlfriend would be an offence. However, I’m sure he wouldn’t have to check in weekly if that was all it was.

pugalugs90 · 05/09/2018 21:38

Claire's law!

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