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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:

katseyes7 · 05/09/2018 21:56

Back in the days of YTS, we had a lovely one working with us. ln a police station. We found out (one of the CID lads saw her out with her boyfriend) that the boyfriend had a criminal record for a sex offence.
We couldn't tell her because of security, but both of us in the office were on pins in case she found out when she was using the index cards or something similar. They were actually engaged, too.
Regarding your daughter.... this lad is bullshitting. The age of consent is 16. He wouldn't have that kind of probation for a photo of a 17 year old. And l doubt the police would go through his phone for an assault arrest. l've been out of the job for over six years, so things may have changed, but l doubt it. l think you need to do some digging.

CSIblonde · 05/09/2018 21:58

The girl on his phone was under 16. He's lying. They wouldn't prosecute & put him on the Register if she was 17. Unless the laws changed:parents of girl at school pursued action against her 18yr old bf re naked pics. She was 14.(dont know outcome, we moved away).

Thishatisnotmine · 05/09/2018 21:58

That story sounds very much like a lie. A relative, at about the same age, believed a similar story. It didn't add up. They discovered what he had done and it was much worse. I do think you need to involve your dd in dicussions aboutthis. If she has already been keeping things hidden you do not want to risk pushing her away.

MajesticWhine · 05/09/2018 21:58

It sounds like bullshit I'm afraid. Sorry OP. I would approach the police about it and see where you get to.

MaryandMichael · 05/09/2018 21:59

Hmm. I had a pupil aged about 13 who anally raped a four year old girl and was placed on the sex offenders register. I wouldn't imagine he tells people that.

ElizabethG81 · 05/09/2018 21:59

Hufflefloof, 16 is still a child, she is a child in the eyes of the law until 18, social services and all other child protection law still applies until this age.

Tinkobell · 05/09/2018 21:59

Poor you @Brighton, how awful to have unearthed this. I think you are doing the right thing to go the police station tomorrow without delay to put this matter to rest either way. Good luck and I hope it's not bad news 💐

NotTakenUsername · 05/09/2018 22:00

I remembered reading about this before

Technically a 16-17yr old can be put on the register for distribution of indecent image of a child... even if that child is actually themselves.

So if it was proven he shared the image then he would be guilty of this.

Also is it possible guy he fought with told police to check his phone to ensure he got the severest punishment after he hit him?

insertimaginativeusername · 05/09/2018 22:00

Sex offenders registration is set in law, not by the courts.

7 years registration is for less that 6 months in custody. Suspended sentences are counted as a custodial for the purpose of calculating the notification period.

OP- just to reiterate what you've been told already. Contact police on non-emergency number and request a CSODS application (aka Sarah's Law) this will be assessed and a decision will be made whether to disclose his offending history to you and it's usual for a referral to be made to Children’s services as part of the process.

Lovemusic33 · 05/09/2018 22:00

I’m guessing he’s lying about his original name, it’s odd you can’t find anything online if he was convicted of that kind of crime. Huffle surely at the age of 16 she’s still classed as a child? I would still talk to the police and ask for their advice, they might not be able to tell you details but they can tell you if his story is correct or not?

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 05/09/2018 22:01

The age of consent is 16. He wouldn't have that kind of probation for a photo of a 17 year old.

As several posters have said, creating and sharing of explicit photos of people under 18 is a crime.

insertimaginativeusername · 05/09/2018 22:01

@Hufflefloof Claire's Law is for domestic violence. Sarah's Law applies in this case.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/09/2018 22:04

I thought the age of consent was 16 and anything older is only an issue if they are in a position of responsibility such as a teacher, coach etc. I'm sure most 19 year olds would have a picture of their 17 year old partner on their phone. And I can't imagine the police being interested. You're right there is probably something more to this. Google and police visit. Time to do some digging

BlueSuffragette · 05/09/2018 22:05

Think he's a liar. Get a disclosure, try and keep DD well clear.

C0untDucku1a · 05/09/2018 22:06

Yes aee the police

Alwa · 05/09/2018 22:06

Hmmm. You need to ask 101 for a disclosure

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 05/09/2018 22:06

OP, does your DD live with you?
(Asking as I moved out around 16.)
Do you see this man often, have him over for dinner etc? What's your gut impression on him if so? Does he live alone?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 05/09/2018 22:07

As several posters have said, creating and sharing of explicit photos of people under 18 is a crime.

Yes it's a crime but would it honestly put you on the sex offenders register? I'm not saying you are wrong I am just surprised. Especially if he was 18 at the time.

SpiritedLondon · 05/09/2018 22:08

This is why child sexual exploitation is so bloody tricky - a child can be consenting to sex at 16 but still vulnerable and subject to child protection legislation up to the age of 18.

AspieHere · 05/09/2018 22:08

Definitely wouldn't sit right with me either OP.

insertimaginativeusername · 05/09/2018 22:10

Yes @spirited. You can help sex but don't film it!

ElizabethG81 · 05/09/2018 22:10

Good grief. People are being told again and again that it is illegal for any indecent images of under 18s to be created and/or distributed, and are still not believing it. The police would have to be interested in a 19 year old having indecent images of his 17 year old girlfriend because it is illegal. It may be that not much would actually then happen, but they would have to investigate as it is against the law, even if the 17 year old has taken and shared the picture herself. People need to know this but it doesn't seem to sink in at all.

SpiritedLondon · 05/09/2018 22:10

Children also don’t appreciate that they can be convicted of distributing child abuse images - even when they are sending images of themselves.

DewDropsonKittens · 05/09/2018 22:11

If you have younger children op ensure that your daughter is clear he cannot be around them. At all.

The fact that he is 19 and interested in a 16 year old, is on the SOR and has probation every week rings massive alarm bells.

I would actually suggest taking your daughter to the police station with you, as she can hear it from them rather than you. Especially if he has manipulated her.

jacks11 · 05/09/2018 22:11

I think you are right that something about his story does not add up. I think it's likely that the fact that he has to see a probation officer every week suggests it is viewed quite seriously- more seriously than I think it would be for something like having photo's of your 17 year old girlfriend when you are 18 years old.

I think you should seek advice.

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