DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

[Brighton5555]

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

He's lying , 17 is above the age of sexual consent so if she wanted to share a naked pic with him she can, there is no way he's be on the sex offender register for this.

This is absolutely not true. You remain a child for the purposes of child protection legislation up to the age of 18. The age of consent makes no difference to this.

He's told her all this to make her trust him, being "up front" about past indiscretions where he's been treated "unfairly". Classic of abusers.

I had an ex who had been convicted on a domestic violence charge. He told me up front, and implied he'd been wrongly convicted. Also minimised what he'd actually done. Suffice to say, the relationship did not end well.

crunchymum I was confused so thanks for clarifying!

I would ask if your daughter would be willing to discuss this with a police officer so they can explain to her what is factually wrong with what he has said. There are howlers in his story.
I think if she's told you what she has, she's probably uncomfortable about the lying (age) and the issue.
I wouldn't try and solve this on your own because he can easily turn her against you and she needs you.
Is her dad in the picture? Or is there another paternal figure who could be involved in talking to her. It's important she sees men don't think this is ok or whatever he's done is just lads stuff.

Oh Brighton this really is a mess isn’t it.
Lots of posts have offered good advice, have a shifty through and think about what the helpful ones have said.
Basically dd’s boyfriend is a shifty fuck who has not been honest.
Take him down

Sorry to be hijacking the thread, OP, but it's frightening me how many people don't have a clue about the law in relation to indecent images and 16/17 year olds, I think there clearly needs to be a widespread campaign.

I'm also shocked how many people don't know what age a child becomes an adult.

OP, back to your issue, as the image of the 17 year old is likely a huge red herring anyway. Try to stay calm, speak to the police tomorrow, and also ask them for help with explaining whatever the risks are to your DD. She may believe it and take it more seriously if they disclose directly to her.

Weekly probation visits? That sounds like he’s recently been released from prison?

I understand the age of consent is irrelevant since 17 year olds fall under child protection legislation?

However are the police really likely to convict a 18 year old for having a picture of their 17 year old gf on their phone? Surely although against the law there are degrees of wrong (eg 18 and 17 is very different to 18 and 14).
Not trying to cause an argument about the rights and wrongs just asking about the practicalities as I'd imagine a fair few 18 yea old have pictures of their 17 year old gf / bf on their phone and both parties are happy with that, and give current police resources I am not sure they would go to the trouble of prosecuting / sex offenders register?

Have you tried googling his name and the name of the local paper?
Usually there's an "in the courts" section. You may be able to find out then?

I would definitely speak to probation, they may not disclose anything to you but I think they need to know.

Think you're right to be concerned.

OP can you take a photo of this guy to the police station with you - I’m doubtful he has given you his real name, in which case the police won’t be able to help as a fake name would be useless in a search, but a photo could be useful (on the off chance ?) also worth contacting the PO if you can (again, with photo)

I work in a safeguarding type role and this mans behaviour is ringing massive alarm bells!

I would be worried about him, it all sounds very dodgy. it is good that she has told you, many teenagers wouldn't.

AmIRight, you're right in that the punishment would be much less than 7 years on the sex offender register and weekly appointments with probation, but the overall point is that, yes, an 18 year old having indecent photos of a 17 year old is a crime and would be investigated. They may decide not to prosecute, or to give a caution, but it is still illegal.

I’m glad it’s brought up the subject of consent and the law in regards to images. This young lad lives at home with his mother and younger siblings. I do think the weekly probation is for the assault charge as he wasn’t sent to prison... but I still cannot see why he would be given the 7 years on a sex offenders register.

I feel weird trying to explain this all over the phone to 101 so will go to a police station in the morning give them all his details and highlight what my worries are.

Thanks for your input

OP I had a situation where a guy I was working with told me he was on the Sex offenders register. He gave me the name of his probation officer, so I called him.

The probation officer wouldn't tell me what offences the man had committed, but he could tell me "don't worry, he's not a threat to you. Just make sure he's not alone with children".

I googled the man's name. He had been in a sexual relationship with a 15 year old (he was in his 40s). So the probation officer was right to tell me that he wasn't a threat - i.e. he wasn't a violent criminal and apparently wasn't a threat to adult women.

So - ask your daughter to get her boyfriend's probation officer's name, and give them a call. If the boyfriend has nothing to hide - he won't mind giving out the name.

If he has changed his name, and neither the new one or the old one are producing any results online chances are they may both be fake. I'm not sure but could this not make it difficult for the police to figure out exactly who he is, and what he has done? If you can get hold of one, I'd suggest taking a picture with you to the police station, as that might be aid them in their search. And if one of the names is correct, and the police do have info on him, I'm assuming there will be a mugshot which could be compared to whatever photo you've got to double check it's the right person (this may be helpful if you have to tell your dd some unpleasant truths as she couldn't then argue the police are talking about the wrong person).

I'd recommend checking for his social media accounts in both known names - facebook, twitter and instagram. He may not have any (or they may be under yet another fake name), and they may not be public but if they are you may be able to get more of a sense of what this guy is like, ie if there is anything else potentially concerning. Also on social media, even if his privacy settings are the highest they can be, the profile photo still usually shows up, so you could get a picture of him that way.

Not really AmIRight.

It wouldn't necessarily even be investigated. Record - refer to other agencies - close as "no crime".

Xpost with UnderHerEye

The weekly visits and length of time on the SOR is very similar to what my (ex) friend's OH has for downloading hundreds and hundreds of high category images of child abuse. You can also google his name and it appears in the court list along with sentence.
Even if the boyfriends name (s) don't flag up with google you can search court databases for free.
There's no way his story is true and I hope you get to the bottom of it and your daughter sees through the bullshit.

However are the police really likely to convict a 18 year old for having a picture of their 17 year old gf on their phone?

I don’t know what the current guidance would be about a straight possession of a photo. Different force areas might have different thresholds depending on resources and local priorities. It might be something related to images such as distributing the images - this has received more attention recently with discussions about “ revenge porn”. There are posters on here though with clearly current experience so they will probably clarify.

This sounds like you should be informing the police rather than asking them.

I hope you convince her to stay away from him. It definitely sounds worrying, particularly with him changing his mans

OP- what don't you understand about the registration?

Don't feel weird explaining it. Just think about what you want to know and what you want to do.

If you want to know the facts in order to effectively safeguard your daughter then a CSODS application is the route to take.

If he was under 18 when convicted then the "7 years" on the register doesn't stack up. He could mean that he's on the register indefinitely, but due for a review in 7 years time.

If he was an adult when convicted then it means he served a prison sentence of 6 months or less. (A community sentence or a fine would mean 5 years on the register).

He has to report any relationships he enters into. The police can then decide whether it would be prudent to tell his new girlfriend in cases of convictions for rape, sexual assault and sexual activity.

If he is on licence, then the probation officer can decide to tell the new partner (as long as the probation officer is made aware).

You have a right to ask the police for information if you have concerns about risks of domestic violence (Clare's law) or children at risk from the new boyfriend (Sarah' law).

He's as dodgy as fuck.

It's good you care to check him out op.

You're a good mum looking out for your daughter. I hope she sees sense soon!

Keep us updated?