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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
GhostPerfume · 05/09/2018 22:11

Dodgy as fuck

Pieceofpurplesky · 05/09/2018 22:12

He has clearly told her a version of the truth without any damning details. You need to find out the truth OP. What a horrible situation

Charolais · 05/09/2018 22:12

OP If she were my daughter I would tell her that there are plenty of decent guys around who are not on the sex offender's register or on probation. His criminal past will interfere with his future as in finding employment or raising children.

Here in the U.S. you can’t get a job anywhere near children when you're on the sex offenders list and I also think you’re on it for life. Someone we knew, a high school teacher had an affair with a 17 yr old female student and he lost his job, did some jail time and is on the list for life. When his younger son had (male) friends visiting the house the sex offender former teacher had to leave the home if the friend was under 18 was in it.

I imagine she thinks she’s in love and her man has unjustly accused, wants to be loyal and stand-by him. I would really try to put an end to the relationship anyway I could.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2018 22:14

The more you type the dodgier he sounds op

Charolais · 05/09/2018 22:15

*I must add that in the U.S. your DD’s boyfriend could not be with a 16 yr old. He would be arrested and jailed.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/09/2018 22:15

Good luck at the police. I think changing name also sounds v serious.

This may sound batshit but if you don't get any joy at the police, is there any way you can get a private investigaytor on it? I think you need to know. I think it's unusual for someone that age to have no social media?

Fucksgiven · 05/09/2018 22:17

He's high risk and on licence following prison (or was, depending on sentence date) but if weekly reporting then released in last 3 months or causing concern. (Senior Probation Officer here)

Go to the Police, now. Deal with this with dd1 later, but protect her now

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2018 22:18

Yes I would be telling her to end this relationship quickly. He sounds like very bad news.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 05/09/2018 22:18

Agree that you should speak to your daughter. I know a teenage girl in love is hardly likely to listen to her mum but it's worth a shot. Her reasoning skills must be telling her that he's not exactly a catch.

BananaSpljt · 05/09/2018 22:18

Would the police tell a girlfriend's mum information though? I understand the DD herself, but her mum?

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 05/09/2018 22:18

I am a little confused by the time line. He is 19 and has been on the sex offender register for 7yrs therefore he was 12.Being placed on he sex offenders register at aged 12 for having photos of a 17yr old is a lie. He must have done something very serious to be on the register. I should add that having worked with sex offenders they are known to be liars. There was a study and all sex offenders were subjected to lie detector tests and they all lied. They can’t be trusted. I would be very worried if my DD returned home to tell me she was seeing a convicted sex offender and he was telling her rubbish about why he was on it. Aged 12, photos of a 17yr old I don’t think so. Go to the police .If he is on the register and has to go to the police station once a week he will have to let them know if he is in a relationship.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 05/09/2018 22:19

OP, not read full thread but hollowtalk is absolutely right, his phone eould not have been looked at under those circumstances. Poluce have enough to do and not enough resources/ money to image all phones for all crimes... fight as he described would not have resulted in his phone being imaged. There is no doubt about that.
So that is the first (of many) lies he has told.

Hope you get some answers

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2018 22:19

You need to protect her, as she cannot protect herself.

ElizabethG81 · 05/09/2018 22:19

You should get the info you need from the police, but if by any chance you don't, phone the local probation office (they won't be able to give you info but will certainly be interested in what you tell them and will follow up with police) and also phone social services and they would pick it up with the police.

insertimaginativeusername · 05/09/2018 22:19

No need for a private investigator!

Yes banana because she is a child.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 05/09/2018 22:21

Listen to Fucksgiven

ElizabethG81 · 05/09/2018 22:21

Bananasplit, yes they would tell her as her DD is a child.

SpiritedLondon · 05/09/2018 22:21

They might have looked at the phone - if there was any accusation of online harassment towards the boy he was fighting as an example. It doesn’t mean he’s telling the truth but it also doesn’t mean there were no grounds.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2018 22:21

Changing names, how do you know the one he has given us real. He is a sex offenders, and he is violent.

StuckSoutherner · 05/09/2018 22:22

He's spinning her a real yarn OP. sentencing guidelines wouldn't include being on the SOR for the assault, only images. If he was 18 and the girlfriend 17 and consenting he would likely receive a caution at best (providing he hasn't shared the images and they don't come under the extreme pornography legislation)). It's far more likely to have had a quiet word about being indiscreet and told to delete them. He's also encouraging lies about his age. I doubt I'd trust what he says his name is/was. Is your DD likely to tip him off tonight? If so I wouldn't wait while tomorrow, phone police on 101, give them the information, let them make their own risk assessment based on having the full information which you can't know what you do and don't know as you can't trust him. Otherwise first thing tomorrow you both go to your nearest police station, tell them everything and ask for full disclosure under Sarah's Law. And be prepared to be there for your daughter, it wouldn't surprise me to see him in custody shortly after. Good luck

Runninglateeveryday · 05/09/2018 22:23

He's lying , 17 is above the age of sexual consent so if she wanted to share a naked pic with him she can, there is no way he's be on the sex offender register for this.

you need to find out what he's done I can assure you it's not what your DD has said and could be rape or sharing of indecent child images, or sex with someone significantly younger not 1 year younger.

kierenthecommunity · 05/09/2018 22:24

Would the police tell a girlfriend's mum information though? I understand the DD herself, but her mum?

You can apply on behalf of someone else

Crunchymum · 05/09/2018 22:24

bangour he hasn't been on the register for 7 years, he was put on it a recently and will remain on it for 7 years.

insertimaginativeusername · 05/09/2018 22:25

17 is a child. >bangs head

ElizabethG81 · 05/09/2018 22:25

17 is above the age of sexual consent so if she wanted to share a naked pic with him she can

No, she can't, she's a child.