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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

354 replies

glammother31 · 05/09/2018 08:15

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

OP posts:
sickmumma · 05/09/2018 09:23

I think most people I know that are doing something well paid that they enjoy have fallen into it by chance, I am hoping my children find something they enjoy and are passionate about that also pays them a decent amount to have a comfortable life and a good balance work and fun! As long as they are happy I am happy!

So far DS1 (9) wants to be a professional footballer and as a back up a palaeontologist.

DS2 (7) wants to be a pilot.

Would be happy with any of those tbh and if in a few years time that's still what they want to do we will be supporting them as much as we can financially and emotionally to get there!

MrsMotherHen · 05/09/2018 09:23

oh wow surely must be a troll! I will biye nevertheless...

Your Child is 3 in the nicest way possible get a grip!

As long as my children are happy they can do what the hell they likeall legal of course. A career, loads of money and or material things do not or will not define them as people!

MrsMotherHen · 05/09/2018 09:23

bite ffs! and strike through fail ffs!!!

Merryoldgoat · 05/09/2018 09:25

What do you do OP?

TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 09:26

InspectorIkmen

Good for her. It's certainly a growth industry, and no taxes!

LIVIA999 · 05/09/2018 09:26

My dad had all my and my brothers career planned. None of us did the career he wished for us. He was most upset about me as I had the most talent in that area but I hated the profession.
It was awful as for years he didn't speak to me as he thought I'd wasted my life not doing something he'd invested so much time and money in.
When I hear people saying that they want their child to be something specific or that they'll be disappointed if they don't go to uni etc it makes me feel devastated.
So long as my children have a good work ethic and don't expect me to fund them constantly I just hope they choose a career ( or a job I don't care if they don't chose a ' career ' type job) that they enjoy.

BigBlueBubble · 05/09/2018 09:28

I’ve been to uni myself. I’ve seen first hand how the fees are going up and the quality of teaching is coming down. I’ve been in classes taught by professionals who are paid barely minimum wage on short term contracts where they’re paid by the hour. And I’ve heard their tales of despair about not being able to get proper permanent jobs. I’ve been in the situation where I need help from a teacher who has no office because they’re not a permanent member of staff, and they won’t help me outside of class because they’re literally only paid for the hours spent in the classroom. I’ve been given out of date teaching materials because the teacher is only paid to deliver the class, not to spend hours updating the supplied materials. I’ve been in classes where the teacher isn’t an expert in the subject, just someone who was available and willing to take the cash for dishing out the supplied materials and grading the assignments. I will not be encouraging my DC to waste their money on this “education”. I’d prefer them to get a trade or apprenticeship.

Frogscotch7 · 05/09/2018 09:28

@DieAntword oh I’m thrilled there’s a real name for it. Will tell all my friends she wants to be an ethnomusicologist.

Although... I expect she just wants to sing songs from Moana and The Greatest Showman. So cruise singer might be more accurate.

thegardenfairy · 05/09/2018 09:29

Is there anything specific you'd like posters to say OP? Like how utterly beautiful your dd must be if you have decided at age 3 that she is supermodel material.

When my ds was 3 he wanted to be pepper pig when he grew up. He would have made a lovely pepper pig when he was 3. He could do a particularly fantastic oink and he loved muddy puddles.

At 16 he chose construction. I think he made the right choice. At 16 he is much more suited to construction....

Padparadscha · 05/09/2018 09:29

Most kids would say ok I'll stay at home and play Xbox all day!

Gosh, it’s almost like their children, enjoying their youth and not having to worry about the stresses of a career and other adult worries. It’s actually very damaging to expect children and young people to have a ‘lifetime career plan’ worked out so young. So many young people go to university because they’ve been boxed into one route, or just because it’s expected, only to become an independent, free thinking adult and realise it wasn’t what they wanted to do at all. An expensive mistake. I actually don’t know many people who are doing anything related to their degree - only ones doing professional ones such as lawyer, doctor and a couple of teachers.

I’ll support my children, and hopefully instill a hard-working ethic in whatever they do. However, I’d rather they take a bit of extra time in figuring themselves out, even if that means they do uni or training later in life. Pushing them in one direction because that’s what I’ve decided is right is just bad parenting.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 09:31

Yes I'm curious, what do you do op?

musicposy · 05/09/2018 09:31

Most kids would say ok I'll stay at home and play Xbox all day!

No, by 18 most kids wouldn't. Even if they wish they could, by then they'll know the world doesn't work that way if you want money and a future.

Mine are late teens/young adults. DD1 wanted to be a dentist at 3 and has just finished at performing arts school. Her life is an endless round of soul destroying auditions right now, in between a pretty menial job. I'd probably have chosen something else for her, but it isn't my life. DD2 is off to do a Physics degree next week. Science was her most hated subject at 8. They are their own people, and become more so with every passing year.

Small hint, OP. It won't turn out the way you think it will.

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 09:31

Can't imagine you said anything to cause complaint, op.

A three year old generally doesn't know what they will do as an adult though some do show a particular interest and aptitude at an early age.
Things change though and compromises have to be made. For example, if a child wants to be an airline pilot but later on eyesight isn't good enough, they will have to think of something else.

Many young people want to be musicians or actors and some do achieve it but then find they absolutely hate having to travel all over the place with little time to themselves, so they find another career, maybe aligned to the theatricals but can stay in their own homes most of the time.

Working with animals is popular but allergies can stop that.

Good to have more than one option. As I said before, being young is a time for exploring different avenues and can be very exciting.

All we as parents can do is be nurturing, try to ensure our children are adequately educated and have self confidence.

LIVIA999 · 05/09/2018 09:33

I know wanting to be a model and being a model are very different things.
It's kind of one of those careers you don't choose isn't it.
I mean I'd love to be a supermodel and not get out of bed for less then 20k but if 5 ft it's fairly unlikely whether I wanted to be or not.

MiniTheMinx · 05/09/2018 09:33

DieAntwood, I agree being a moral person is more important than being a happy person. Game theory.......if we all acted immorally in persuit of our own happiness, our happiness comes at the expense of others happiness. If we all put the happiness a d welfare of others before our own happiness then no other individuals actions will deprive you of your happiness. Kant......it is morally wrong to kill people because if killing was ok then someone else might kill us. It's so simple, it's idiot proof but so many people cry about being on the recieving end but don't stop to think about their own selfishness.

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 05/09/2018 09:35

I quite fancy mine taking up a trade, like a plumber or an electrician. We don't have any of those in the family so, providing he hasn't disowned us by then, it would be quite useful.Grin

But based on current interests, I think he's going to be a train driver. Suits me fine if he can get us discounted tickets Grin.

LaDilettante · 05/09/2018 09:36

Most kids would say ok I'll stay at home and play Xbox all day!

Pretty depressing if that's what you really think. It's basically saying that kids are stupid and can't think for themselves.

My three year old also knows exactly what career she wants to have and I'll support her all the way. She wants to be a ballerina, an astronaut, a doctor, a police officer but mainly to sit in the car with the lights on. She also says she has magic powers so I'm guessing full time wizard.

wolfmom · 05/09/2018 09:38

My daughter is 17 and since she started high school her dream was game development. She's doing game development in 6th form and plans on going to university to do a game development degree. Perfect career for her so my dream career for her. Honestly, whatever she decides I will support her. It's her life..

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/09/2018 09:38

Only a narcissist would want their child to be a model, it’s an awful industry

Depends I know someone who works in the industry and loves it. But she is very very confident and does have other jobs doing allsorts of stuff and is naturally very very slim. Although she wouldn’t rely on her modelling work to get by.

Ilovechocolatebuttons · 05/09/2018 09:39

At 4 mine wanted to be a geologist, still the same at 13. Then she was diagnosed ASD and had a horrendous time for many years.

Truthfully, all I wanted at that point was for her to be ‘happy’. She did very well at GCSE (10 A’s) - her heart then said art and now she is studying art and design at uni. She has heard all the ‘oh with those results you could be anything, why not do x and you can make money’ blah blah.

She is happy, she is doing what she loves, yet it is a far cry from the 10 year obsession in one career.

We steer, but when opting for her course,
I told her to follow her heart, and do what she loves.

I don’t think a child will necessarily become what they wish at 3, it’s not impossible but unlikely.

Allthatglittersisgold · 05/09/2018 09:40

My son is 11 and yes he currently wants to be an xbox you tube gamer when hes older. I don't really see the difference between that and kids who want to grow up to be famous footballers or pop stars when they are older. Will it happen? Probably not. Will I therefore force him to go to university and tell him what his career is to be. No. He's still growing up and dreaming. So long as he goes to school, keeps himself fit and is happy. I am happy. Plenty if time for him to grow up and make more realistic career choices.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 09:40

You can't live your life through your children op. Do you wish you'd been a model, so that's why you want your daughter to be one? Most three year olds wouldn't even know what a model is.

And why a model and not something that she can basically do for life. A trade or vocation?

Do you have a career? At three we can't guess who our children will grow up to be, never mind what they will look like. Our job as parents is to support and love them, to enable them to develop into happy people doing what they love if possible.

It is not to get them to live thr life we wish we had, or to decide their futures at three years old

And if you do. They are going to hit 15 and tell you to fuck right off.

TinySalmon · 05/09/2018 09:41

What ever the fuck they want to do!

I was pushed at school by my helicopter parents and pushed in to do economics at a good university. I HATED it. Now I'm a SAHM. Go figure.

You sound like an insufferable parent OP and I feel for your kids.

Original poster
glammother31 · 05/09/2018 09:41

I have my own brand that I've worked hard to cultivate.

OP posts:
InspectorIkmen · 05/09/2018 09:41

TheHulks - exactly! Grin Grin