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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

354 replies

glammother31 · 05/09/2018 08:15

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

OP posts:
actualpuffins · 07/09/2018 12:59

What a pointless and ridiculous generalisation

Yes it was, but it was only in response to lots of generalisation about arts subjects and classics degrees.

PoxAlert · 07/09/2018 14:12

Ah, yes your daughter knows what she wants to be.

At 3.

That won't change.

At 3 mine wanted to be a dancer. At 4 singer. OK, so maybe you can do both.

Now at 5 she says police lady.

I just want her to be happy and healthy. Whatever she chooses we'll support her. I see my job as to give her as many opportunities to find things she enjoys.

I grew up with far too much pressure to "succeed", my dad is already trying that shit with DD, and I shoot him down straight away.

Also both myself and DH went to very academic schools, whose only focus was to get 99% of the students into a university. So careers actually weren't discussed, just "which uni are you applying for"

If DD wants to go to Uni I'd be over the moon, but I would like it to be for a reason beyond those 3 years, unlike DH and I who just picked degrees we liked the sound of! (Worked out well as we met each other, but neither of us work in the area that we have degrees in.)

blueskiesandforests · 07/09/2018 14:33

silvercookoo I'm glad being controlled by your parents worked for you, but if I'd tried to follow my parents' preferred path I'd have dropped out and been deeply unhappy.

Didn't help that my parents modelled unhappiness and stress and rarely being around as the outcome of the path they chose, and wanted their children to follow them down. Yes, they have plenty of money in retirement, but my mother was miserable and resentful for as long as I can remember and very open about counting down to the earliest possible retirement. She's spent her retirement rattling about her big house and gardening, and interfering in other people's lives because she's bored. My father enjoyed his career to the point that it became transparent in later years that he'd rather be at work than anywhere else, which of course made my mother increasingly miserable and put upon, but also made retirement almost impossible for him to cope with, and he's struggled massively since becoming too frail to work.

I hope to be working until my late 60s because I enjoy working and enjoy my job, and have a good work life balance. It is only one element of my life, so when I eventually retire I hopefully will cope just fine without it, but going to work adds rather than detracts from my life and I'll be in no rush to retire.

A lot of doctors, especially female ones, are very unhappy and burnt out in their 40s these days - the salary is compensation for senior hospital doctors but not necessarily GPs, especially women trying to combine the job with children. It's not the ticket to the top 5% it once was unless you don't want kids. For men who don't want children or have a wife willing to carry the whole domestic load (or less often if course women with a husband or wife willing to) it still can be. Not what I'd hope for for my children unless they had a genuine vocation.

As lot of jobs in pure science are actually fairly poorly paid. It's a myth that any stem degree is a ticket to a high salary.

Lweji · 07/09/2018 14:51
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