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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

354 replies

glammother31 · 05/09/2018 08:15

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

OP posts:
Logits · 05/09/2018 09:09

I’d rather they be a depressed person who helps others as much as they can than a happy selfish person who tramples on people to get their own way. I think most parents would really, even though it would probably be more painful for them to deal with the depressed selfless person than the happy selfish one.

I'd rather my child be selfish and happy. I'd be disappointed in them but depression is awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, let alone my own child!

Believeitornot · 05/09/2018 09:09

With all due respect @glammother31 you have a three year old and therefore are not the parenting oracle.

Hmm

Anyway there are actually some successful gamers out there.

I bet your dd has said something like doctor/vet and you love it because it’s a status career. However she’s 3 and may have picked it up from a cartoon she watched at the weekend.

Believeitornot · 05/09/2018 09:11

I don't see how you can be so snobby about other careers and say that your 3 year old has "decided" to be a model

^i missed that!

Hahahahahaha that’s no better than a gamer.

TwoOddSocks · 05/09/2018 09:11

I'd love it if he found something he was passionate about, something that makes him happy, isn't illegal, pays enough money to provide stability and ideally is something that does good in the world (or at least doesn't harm anyone!).

sansouci · 05/09/2018 09:11

I tell them to work hard at school
so they can have a better chance of choosing a profession they love and are passionate about. Being stuck in a boring job is hell.

MiniTheMinx · 05/09/2018 09:12

Ive always thought DS1 would be a great physicist, code breaker, or quant. I have suggested he should stick it out in academia because he's brilliant with maths and philosophy, so maybe go down the route of the philosophy of mathematics. However he is more interested in using maths to prove certain philosophical ideas. He's recently come up with a proof that seems to underpin Hegel's dialect, which questions the validity of the big bang theory. He's lazy but brilliant.

DS2 would make a great geographer or anthropologist. Hes very interested in history too but he's more motivated by making money and is quite entrepreneurial, so whatever he decides he'll be fine. He's not very academic but he's motivated and creative.

Ultimately though I just want them to be happy.

silkpyjamasallday · 05/09/2018 09:12

I want my DD to do whatever makes her the most happy and fulfilled. My parents pushed me to go to university for an academic subject because anything less would have been a 'waste of my expensive education', I wanted to do something creative (and it turns out I'd have better job prospects with the subject I wasn't allowed to do). I have had pretty severe MH issues since my early teens because of the pressure to achieve their version of success. They thought they were just 'steering me in the right direction' but it was so so much pressure, and I couldn't cope. I wouldn't wish my mental state on anyone, and I will not be exerting my will over my daughters life. And OP, at three your daughter cannot have a set idea of what she wants to do, as parents it's our job to keep their options open, I don't think many are actually ready at 16/18 to decide on a set career path. It's lovely to daydream about our children's lives in the future, but keep it to fantasy rather than trying to mould the child to your liking.

DieAntword · 05/09/2018 09:13

I'd rather my child be selfish and happy. I'd be disappointed in them but depression is awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, let alone my own child!

I’m not wishing depression on them jeez, I’m just saying I think being a moral person is more important than being a happy person.

bruffin · 05/09/2018 09:13

At 5 ds wanted to ge a policeman in the week and an artist at the weekend. At 22 he is a Data Systems Coordinator in pharma.
Dd always wanted to help people (volunteered from 12,) or work in Theatre. She is stidying to be an OT

abbiejasminee · 05/09/2018 09:13

I think I changed my mind about my career about 20 times after age 3 and that's perfectly fine for children, you should support them with whatever crazy stuff they come out with that makes them happy - no need to be pushing anything about future careers/status onto a 3 year old!!!

cheesefield · 05/09/2018 09:15

Bloody daft thread.

When I was a child I wanted to be a Ghostbuster. I've ended up working in data management. You don't always get to be what you want.

seventhgonickname · 05/09/2018 09:16

I want mine to come through this year intact(year 11).If she is able to do her best despite the stress then we take a step forward toA levels.
The only thing I'm sure about is that I would want her to take a gap year.We're not in a rush to set her life in stone.
I made no assumptions when she wS younger because then I might have limited her opportunities.

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/09/2018 09:16

I do know someone who said what they wanted to do at 3 and is looking like they are going to achieve their dream.

Child probably read before they were 2.

She had her parents reading instruction manuals as her bed time story .

InspectorIkmen · 05/09/2018 09:17

CherryPavolva - my 4 year old wants to be a drug-dealing prostitute. How best should I guide her?

Original poster
glammother31 · 05/09/2018 09:17

My other thread got zapped because people complained?

OP posts:
Frogscotch7 · 05/09/2018 09:17

My dd wants to be a singer-slash-explorer. She is going to explore new places and then sing songs there. I fully support her.

Goth237 · 05/09/2018 09:19

I really think you're a troll. How does anyone put up with you? And to tar all the children with the same brush - all going to want to stay home and play x-box - I don't think you have any idea. Of course they're not going to all want to do that. Maybe you've met some very unmotivated teens but you can't say that all of them will want to do that.

LaurieMarlow · 05/09/2018 09:19

Not that I want to support the OPs argument, but I have a cousin who knew what he wanted to do at 3 and never wavered. He's a fireman Grin

Mind you, that came entirely from him. His parents had no input.

Goth237 · 05/09/2018 09:19

Please, please tell me you're a troll... I mean you can't be serious, OP. It is completely up to your child what they want to you, you must be really difficult to live with/be the child of. And you think you can just map out their lives is so completely backwards and wrong!

CorneliusCrackers · 05/09/2018 09:20

If your daughter wants to be a model, might be in for a bit of a shock if she’s not over 5’8 and very slim?!

Only a narcissist would want their child to be a model, it’s an awful industry

DieAntword · 05/09/2018 09:21

@Frogscotch7 ethnomusicologist?

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 09:21

Most kids would say ok I'll stay at home and play Xbox all day!

WTAF? No they wouldn't, I know of no kid who hit 16 and decided they would spend their life on the dole and play x box.

Why do you think this? Did you decide you'd rather do fuck all that have a career?

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 05/09/2018 09:22

I'm in a job that my parents don't fully understand, despite having had it explained to them numerous times. My last job wasn't one that the general public seem to think exists, even though it was public facing. In my experience (and I've spent a lot of time working with 16-18 year olds who are considering future options) parents have a very limited knowledge of careers, and it's often inaccurate and /or based on what was true when they were 16-21. The job landscape changes so rapidly - 20 years ago, who would have thought that social media manager was an actual job title?

All parents can do is
-provide the conditions conducive to academic success
-encourage the child to choose something that they like, are good at, and presents options for progression
-Remember that most people won't have a linear career path nowadays - career changes will be the norm for today's children.

SoupDragon · 05/09/2018 09:22

My daughter already knows what she wants to be anyway. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!

PMSL.

CherryPavlova · 05/09/2018 09:22

Gosh - yes it is up to them, but not as children. One of ours chose a path which did not entail university attendance ( but where he has still received a degree but without costs).

I don’t think any of ours had advantage through our friends in terms of selection for their careers but we certainly used contacts for good work experience and preparation for interviews etc - which I’m sure any reasonable parent would.

Yes of course you can maximise education achievement and that of course “ isn’t everything” but it’s an awful lot when it comes to career choice. Ours recall a very happy, active and varied childhood and became confident, successful young adults. Loose “ I just want them to be happy, avoid any discipline, negotiate everything and let them choose what they do from the cradle” is not necessarily conducive to happy, secure, confident, well behaved and socialised children. Children need and want boundaries. They crave positive feedback on behaviour and achievement all through their childhood. It’s much easier to keep the rules if you understand what the rules are.

Three is a bit young for career defining but ours knew at 4/5 she wanted to be a doctor and never waivered except for a year about 8 years of age when she wanted to be a vet briefly. Now some of that may have been a positive reaction from us but we certainly didn’t force her down that pathway and at times actively discouraged it. Maybe it was because lots of adults she loved were doctors. Maybe it was talking from a young age about “ When you go to university” not “If” and visiting daddy when he was away for weekends doing postgraduate studies. Maybe it was suggesting to school (as a governor) that their ‘People that help us’ project diversified from the rather predictable nurse, firefighter and lollipop lady to include a doctor, a vet, a lawyer etc. It’s about opening eyes to the possibilities and setting the bar high, no?

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