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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

354 replies

glammother31 · 05/09/2018 08:15

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 05/09/2018 08:30

It’s twaddle that “it’s totally up to them”. Very few parents would be happy if their children said they weren’t bothering at school anymore and were just going to be a sex worker or deal drugs. Parenting is about guiding and supporting your children into adulthood.

No, we don’t choose their life’s ambition but we have a responsibility for ensuring that at eighteen they actually have a real choice because they have the best grades possible for them. If they become a nanny because their grades aren’t adequate to become a barrister that’s not a choice. If they have the grades and then choose to become a nanny, that’s a proper choice.

Ours varied and we certainly guided by arranging work experience outside the school programme. We made and used contacts to smooth their paths. We ensured high academic attainment. In the end, they made their choices but we had ensutheynwere well informed choices and that they had plenty of options.

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 05/09/2018 08:30

Ahahahaha that's not quite how parenting works but lots of luck to those that think it is Hmm

user1499173618 · 05/09/2018 08:32

University is a given in our family. And, frankly, they were/are so bored at school that it’s more than obvious that they will want a fairly demanding career/lifestyle.

InezGraves · 05/09/2018 08:32

When I was three I wanted to be the person with the light-up batons who guides airplanes to their stand.

Are you this controlling in all aspects of our life?

TittyGolightly · 05/09/2018 08:33

Not my decision. My 7 year old has wanted to be an RAF pilot since she was about 2. She is absolutely determined, but hasn’t yet worked out that she will need to be able prepared to kill in order to do that. She might change her mind when she does.

In any case, it’s not our decision to make. All we can do is facilitate her interests to help her decide.

I’m 40 and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Hasn’t stopped me from having a successful professional career.

Zcarter · 05/09/2018 08:33

She’s 3 she’s not even started school and you are planning her whole life... I feel sorry for her

Yogagirl123 · 05/09/2018 08:33

Based on my experience give it another 8 years or so and you won’t be able to choose her clothes, let alone her career!

JamAtkins · 05/09/2018 08:33

My 15 year old has no idea what he wants to do. I guess I’m one of the unlucky ones Hmm

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/09/2018 08:33

My friends son wants to be a gamer on YouTube ffs. Sometimes you have to steer them in the right direction no

No. If that is what he wants to do then why not?

InezGraves · 05/09/2018 08:34

YOUR life.

TittyGolightly · 05/09/2018 08:35

We ensured high academic attainment.

Life is about so much more.

Merryoldgoat · 05/09/2018 08:35

Your daughter is 3. Come back in 20 years if she’s not changed her mind.

Merryoldgoat · 05/09/2018 08:36

And some of those YouTube gamers are earning hundreds of thousands of pounds - in 10 years it will be looked at like competitive sport.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 08:37

My daughter is 3 for context.
My daughter already knows what she wants to be anyway. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!

Errr....I don't think children work how you think they work OP.

Loulabelle25 · 05/09/2018 08:38

I’m not sure you get to map out her life for her. All you can do is offer guidance and support and watch, hoping that you’ve given her the tools to build a fulfilled life. I just want my son to be happy and successful in whichever path he takes. I hope he grows into good person who is confident and ambitious.

University shouldn’t be held up as the gold standard for everyone. I’m a university educated professional whereas my husband didn’t progress onto further education and is highly successful in a traditionally blue collar industry. If you measure success in monetary terms - as many seem to do here - he is by far the higher earner! We are both very fulfilled by our jobs.

Padparadscha · 05/09/2018 08:39

If 3 year olds are now deciding a career from toddlerhood, mine is apparently going to be a NinkyNog builder. A very niche job, but of course I’ll support him all the way. My baby is apparently going to be an iPhone damage tester.

Loulabelle25 · 05/09/2018 08:40

A 3 year old has no idea what they want to be - I wanted to be a ‘horsey lady’ aged three!

MarthasGinYard · 05/09/2018 08:41

Blimey

You sound rather dim

Logits · 05/09/2018 08:42

My daughter already knows what she wants to be anyway. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!

Your daughter is 3. Surely you're not this thick?

Johnnyfinland · 05/09/2018 08:42

Cherry “we made and used contacts” sounds like a grim example of nepotism. I’m not a parent but if I was, I wouldn’t do this on a point of principle. Anyway, that’s beside the point. Not all kids will respond to being ‘steered’. As a child and teenager, if my parents advised me to do something it would make me want to go completely against their advice, even if it was sensible. It was just instinctive to me to rebel. They realised this pretty soon and took a ‘do what you think is right’ attitude. I got crap A level grades and dropped out out uni, but now a few years later I’m in a mid-senior position in my dream career by hustling my way in. I just had to do it my own way. If they’d tried to steer me in any particular direction and been in any way pushy about it I’d have rebelled for the sake of it and would probably still be working in retail now to spite them.

Let them make their own choices and be there for support. It’s their life

mariniere · 05/09/2018 08:43

Is this a wind up? At 3 your daughter knows what you have taught her to want to be, or what she’s seen on TV Confused

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 05/09/2018 08:46

You should want your children to be happy, whether that’s a high flying career or a minimum wage job. If they’re happy, that’s the important thing.

No point warning a load of money if you’re miserable.

SpiritedLondon · 05/09/2018 08:48

One thing I’d like to do is ensure my DD is aware of the range of careers available. I grew up in a small town and during the laughable careers advice in the 80’s was only really told about bog standard jobs. I was never really exposed to creative options like interior design / make up artist / graphic design etc and I think I would have enjoyed those more than my current ( bog standard) job. Luckily we are on the outskirts of London so she should have plenty of scope whatever she chooses.

I would love to know what your 3 year old wants to be OP.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 08:51

This can't be serious. You don't make these decisions for your children. And at three you don't know who they will be, their likes and dislikes, their capabilities or lack of. That's their call as they grow.

Kids want to be everything growing up and it changes constantly. Mines 21 and training to be a solicitor. No way at 3 would she be saying I think I want to do a law Degree mum and want to be a corporate lawyer.

I mean seriously.

DieAntword · 05/09/2018 08:52

If they’re happy, that’s the important thing.

Off topic but I disagree with that. The most important thing is that they’re good and only after that that they are happy.

I’d rather they be a depressed person who helps others as much as they can than a happy selfish person who tramples on people to get their own way. I think most parents would really, even though it would probably be more painful for them to deal with the depressed selfless person than the happy selfish one.