AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

[glammother31]

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

silvercuckoo, on what do you base your idea that anything that is not STEM is a kind of soft-leading-nowhere-media-studies type degree? Do you actually know much about the kind of education that businessmen, politicians, IT specialists, civil servants and other well remunerated professionals have? Do you know what the common outcomes for students with good history or Classics degrees from well-reputed universities are?

"A girl who chose to go into nursing is financially worse off for the nearest 15-20 years compared to her classmate who chose to have two babies and do nothing in terms of career or education. So why bother?"

But if nobody chooses nursing, won't an awful lot of well-paid people die? And if everybody chooses STEM, are there really enough well-paid STEM jobs for them all to get one? Won't it just lead to more people with now useless STEM degrees?

When DD was 4 she said when she grew up she was going to be a fairy princess riding around on a unicorn.

Now she’s 10 she wants to either write a book, write pop songs, be a fashion designer or a rock star.

Personally I don’t care what she does ultimately as long as she’s happy.

DS1 I'd quite like to be an international tennis player that wins Wimbledon.

DS2 I'd quite like to be the lead singer in a very successful rock band.

I have high hopes for them, they just don't know it yet!

@corythatwas
It was a joke (partially) about STEM and medicine. I would consider vet science too, and, albeit reluctantly, finance or economics
I have quite a good idea about where the money is, but it is not only about the money, also about making your brain work. I have a very vague idea about common students with Classics degrees - only one I know came from an extremely well-off / aristocratic family and worked in an unrelated field in the City (finance). Wait, I think his wife also has a Classics degree, she is a SAHM and a charity trustee.

Hmmmmm wonder if my step mother is reading this. She decided before they were born that my half siblings will go to Oxford and Cambridge respectively. Go knows what will happen if they both want to go to Oxford or both want to say screw your controlling behaviour mother I'm going to join the circus.

OP I missed it I think. What does your 3 yo want to be?

I think my 3 yo mainly wants to be a train.

I have one view on this, its their decision.

My 3 year old wants to be a power ranger and before that he wanted to be a ninja.
Ds1 aged 6 wants to own a Tesco, be a chef and then a headteacher!
From a young age I wanted to be a teacher but certainly not as young as 3! Probably from about 10. I imagine that was because my grandmother and my mother were teachers. Mum wanted me to be a secondary school teacher like her but I now teach primary school children and love it!

I have quite a good idea about where the money is, but it is not only about the money, also about making your brain work.

Creative jobs make your brain work a lot more than being a City finance drone.

I think most DC that age just want to be jobs their parents do or that they've seen on tv.

DS (2.5) alternates between 'Fireman Sam', drive the ambulance (like my DBro) or go to the office (like daddy)

I wanted to be a fairy at 3 until about 8 or 9

DC wanting to be a fairy, a princess or a mummy; a fireman, a racing car driver or a Daddy.

actualpuffins - two of our DC work in Finance (one in M&A, the other in debt). It’s very hard on the brain!

Your DD isn't going to stick to what she's decided to do at 13 and if you decide her entire future for her you'll only make her unhappy if it's not truly what she wants to do. I'm letting my DC decide for themselves because it's their lives, I encourage them to do try hard at school and maybe someone in the family going to university would be nice but it isn't for them then that's that

Creative jobs make your brain work a lot more than being a City finance drone.
I am a "City finance drone". I agree it is soul destroying but, at least, I am able to feed my children.

I am probably just unlucky in my experience with creative degree holders - around me they seem to be living in social housing in their 40's, working accidental min wage jobs and extremely angry at the society for being misunderstood or underappreciated. My ex-SIL has a drama studies degree, is busy with auditions for the last 20 years, and has not secured a single role. The closest thing to a job she has are solo Christmas Eve performances in ex-MIL's garage, which family members had to buy tickets to - tradition that started when she was six, but it looks significantly less cute at forty-two.

I think most DC that age just want to be jobs their parents do

I seem to have put DS off anything related to my job.

Creative jobs make your brain work a lot more than being a City finance drone

What a pointless and ridiculous generalisation.

Having said that, the idea (very prevalent on MN at the minute) that there's no value on anything that isn't STEM is utterly ill informed.

There are all manner of interesting, lucrative careers for which arts/business degrees are a better preparation. Law, marketing, communications, HR, PR, advertising, politics, I could go on.

While I believe in guidance, it should be rooted in the child's talents and preferences. I've always been appalled at the 'my child will be a doctor/lawyer/xyz' types without considering their child's apititude or happiness.

silvercuckoo, a history degree is very different from a performing arts degree. The former is highly academic, the latter tends to be vocational.

If you intend to enter the performing arts, then you need to accept that you will probably not be able to make a living from that alone: that is a choice you need to go into with your eyes open and ime drama students generally do.

A history degree is a very different kettle of fish. It is aimed at teaching a skills set that is far wider than any specific career and students who choose it often do so in order to acquire skills that are sought after in business, politics, administration etc. rather than because they have dreams of becoming historians. (Not to mention that chances of making it as a professional historian are also rather better than the chances of making it as an actor.) It's about things like analysis, attention to detail, organising large quantities of written material. So not necessarily unrelated at all to the fields they end up working in.

And tbh maybe your SIL isn't the greatest example you could have chosen. By the sounds of it, my dd has already made more money out of acting after one year's foundation course than your SIL has 20 years after her drama degree- how do you know that she could have had a successful career in STEM either?

My relatives and friends with degrees in History, Archaeology, Ancient Greek, Latin etc are all supporting themselves perfectly well, thank you. One is head of archives at a national library, another is manager of collections at a different archive, some are high-ranking academics, several are managers of commercial firms, somebody else is in publishing and doing very nicely.

My dds "knew" at 3 exactly what they wanted to be, now they want to be something totally different and next week it will be something else. They don't even know half of what is out there yet. And at 3 life will change loads before your dd is ready to choose what she wants to do, not just her life but the world, there may be jobs we can't even imagine that she may want to do. I encourage my dds to keep their options open, give them the skills to learn and encourage them to try hard in a wide variety of areas so that their options are as open as possible and I think that's the best as parents we can hope for.

I would super love it if one was a paelontologist though 😁

What an entertaining thread!

OP my daughter at 3 wanted to grow up to be a person who trains dogs to fly the red arrows.

I am astonished that you don't realise that gaming is a lucrative industry and being a game designer/ you tuber is a good career choice!

My DH and I are both professionals (lawyers) if anything we are trying to ensure we keep our children's options open, both have SEN but are capable if they have the right support.

Know idea what they will end up doing but as long as they are happy and can afford to support themselves its fine by me.

Sorry no know know!

I'm clearly over tired this morning no NOT know!

I'd encourage them to find a role similar to DPs, in that when he's at work he works hard, but once he leaves work that's it - no phone calls, no checking emails and when he's on holiday someone else does his job. Much better than mine.

I live my life and I let my kids live theirs. So long as they did something that meant they could support themselves and were happy I couldn't have cared less what they decided on.
I bloody hate it when parents impose what they want on grown children.

bogiesaremyonlyfriend. Secretly me too. With his own TV show. But he needs to be a professor of paleontology before he signs any contracts. He'll make dinosaurs cool again.