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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm really pissed off but not sure if I'm over reacting.

196 replies

JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:13

Because according to DH, I am.

I really need other people's perspective and if I'm BU then I totally accept that.

I bought a set of decent Allen keys that I needed the tiny one for, I specifically told everyone (especially DS) that they were mine and shouldn't leave the house.

I knew DS used them to fix stuff, but I figured I'd let that go as long as they never left the house.

It's suddenly dawned on me that I haven't seen them in a while (I've owned them less than a year, I don't use them often but it really pisses me off when I go to use a tool I own and it's not there, even if I only use it twice a year).

Turns out DS took them out and leant them to a friend, never to be seen again.
I got really mad with him because it was my property, he had no right to take it out the house and definitely no right to lend them to bloody anyone.

Turns out, DH knew this happened. He didn't tell me because "it's nothing to do with him".

I'm now pissed off with him as well because it's our son and it would be a very different story if it was his tool that was given away and he shouldn't have bloody told me so I could deal with it at the time.

Both of them are saying "but it was ages ago".

And it's been replaced for another set of Allen keys which is half the amount, doesn't have the same heads on, and worth a 5th of the price of my decent ones. And also doesn't have the tiny one on there, the one I needed in the first place.

DH seems think I am BU.

I'm hormonal and recently come of Sertraline, I realise that I need to be aware that I could get unnecessarily pissed off about something so I need to know whether I have a right to be angry with them both about this.

More annoyed with DS of course! But I feel like they are in cahoots about it, and neither had the back bone to tell me.

And it's £23 worth of tool that I have to replace! DS isn't getting pocket money at the moment because he's making up for his last epic fuck-up.

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 03/09/2018 20:15

That would royally piss me off too!

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 03/09/2018 20:16

Loan out something of dh's and keep quiet until he needs it.

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:17

He needs them for work and I don't want to be a petty cunt. Although it's bloody well tempting.

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 03/09/2018 20:18

I would be livid as well! YANBU!

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 03/09/2018 20:19

23 pounds for Allen keys? They saw you coming

Misses point of thread

PavlovianLunge · 03/09/2018 20:19

He took something of yours, despite being asked/told not to. Have then passed them to someone else, and must have known that this was going against what you’d said. It’s disrespectful, YANBU.

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:22

They weren't just Allen keys. They had other ends to them as well and there was about 20 of them.

That's what's so annoying about the poxy crap he replaced them with. Half the amount of keys and not double sided either and they are already weak and bent to fuck.

OP posts:
Ignoramusgiganticus · 03/09/2018 20:22

Nope you are right to be very pissed off, both for the original deed and the subsequent cover up. Oh and also for the substandard replacement.

knittingdad · 03/09/2018 20:23

So they tried to hide from you that they had lost the Allen keys and ineptly replaced them with a set useless for your purpose. That is pretty bad on several counts.

The not apologising and having a go at you for overreacting tips it over into awful.

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:24

Thank you!

It's our wedding anniversary as well, we're supposed to be having dinner together.
I just need to be angry, away from him let alone eat and have a nice evening with him.

I hate it when he makes out that I'm totally out of order for being angry.

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 03/09/2018 20:27

I would be pissed off.

Between them they can buy you the decent set.

redexpat · 03/09/2018 20:27

YANBU. It shows no regard for other people's property. And no regard for your wishes. And a disregard for your instructions. And dh should have backed you up.

ButtermilkBiscuits · 03/09/2018 20:28

I would be fuming! My DH borrows my stuff and never puts it back where I keep it and it makes me want to throttle him. It's just so disrespectful.

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:29

Thinking about it, DH should no more replace the keys than I should.
It's just the way he went about it and minimalised my feelings on the matter.

And just the whole fact that he knew and didn't tell me.
They didn't tell me because they knew I would hit the roof because they knew I don't DS not to take them out.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 03/09/2018 20:29

DSs do that sort of thing. Last thing to disappear from ours was a wheelbarrow! Previously, saws, spanners, pressure washer. Anything that isn't nailed down is fair game Sad

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:30

I'm really appreciating that he's staying away from me right now though, it's allowing me to calm down.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 03/09/2018 20:31

I'd be royally pissed off with DS but i'd be equally as pissed with DH. If he knew & also knew that you didn't, it has everything to do with him. Passing the buck doesn't change a damn thing.

I'd be telling the pair of them they have until Friday to replace - correctly - the tool or items of theirs will start going walkabout. Bet they won't appreciate that

llangennith · 03/09/2018 20:33

I'd be fuming too. Particularly at him lending them to someone else and not bothering to get them back.

Anxious2niteaaah · 03/09/2018 20:37

Ask ds to ask the friend he Lent them to for YOUR Allen keys back...if friend has lost them, then friend and /or your son should recompense you by either paying you a reasonable amount or buying you the same Allen keys they lost...

Here's a bit of advice....if you don't want them leaving the house, lock them up so that only you have access

DoJo · 03/09/2018 20:38

I think I would be more pissed off with your husband- your son did something thoughtless and against your excited instructions and your husband helped him to lie about it (by omission), undermined you by not insisting that your son replaced them immediately with a comparable set, and is now refusing to acknowledge that you have a point by dismissing your feelings. He's really not covering himself in glory by making this your problem.

diddl · 03/09/2018 20:39

What a pair of thoughtless twats.

Giving someone elses property awayAngry

Cba to tell youHmm

TwigTheWonderKid · 03/09/2018 20:39

Tool misuse gives me the rage! DH is incapable of putting anything back properly so I keep a decent hammer, pliers and screwdriver set in the wrappy thing my hair straightners came in, in my knicker drawer. So far they are safe...

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 03/09/2018 20:41

YANBU OP
DS needs to get them back or replace them
DH is being a twat
You've hit a nerve as I am getting similarly pissed off with the family using stuff of mine that I want and need and losing/misplacing/busting it.
No to keeping stuff locked up. Respecting other people's belongings is what is required.

Pissedoffdotcom · 03/09/2018 20:42

TwigTheWonderKid that made me chuckle but is a bloody brilliant idea not that i have tools but always useful for other treasures

billybagpuss · 03/09/2018 20:43

Nope not overreacting at all, its a shame about the bad timing. Its scissors in this house, never in the drawer when I need them.

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