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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm really pissed off but not sure if I'm over reacting.

196 replies

JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 20:13

Because according to DH, I am.

I really need other people's perspective and if I'm BU then I totally accept that.

I bought a set of decent Allen keys that I needed the tiny one for, I specifically told everyone (especially DS) that they were mine and shouldn't leave the house.

I knew DS used them to fix stuff, but I figured I'd let that go as long as they never left the house.

It's suddenly dawned on me that I haven't seen them in a while (I've owned them less than a year, I don't use them often but it really pisses me off when I go to use a tool I own and it's not there, even if I only use it twice a year).

Turns out DS took them out and leant them to a friend, never to be seen again.
I got really mad with him because it was my property, he had no right to take it out the house and definitely no right to lend them to bloody anyone.

Turns out, DH knew this happened. He didn't tell me because "it's nothing to do with him".

I'm now pissed off with him as well because it's our son and it would be a very different story if it was his tool that was given away and he shouldn't have bloody told me so I could deal with it at the time.

Both of them are saying "but it was ages ago".

And it's been replaced for another set of Allen keys which is half the amount, doesn't have the same heads on, and worth a 5th of the price of my decent ones. And also doesn't have the tiny one on there, the one I needed in the first place.

DH seems think I am BU.

I'm hormonal and recently come of Sertraline, I realise that I need to be aware that I could get unnecessarily pissed off about something so I need to know whether I have a right to be angry with them both about this.

More annoyed with DS of course! But I feel like they are in cahoots about it, and neither had the back bone to tell me.

And it's £23 worth of tool that I have to replace! DS isn't getting pocket money at the moment because he's making up for his last epic fuck-up.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 03/09/2018 21:43

oh and I would hold something hostage from each of them until they are returned.

PrtScn · 03/09/2018 21:45

@Thesearepearls I disagree. Your family are being disrespectful to you and your property. This will copy over into how they treat other peoples things. I'm not a selfish person, but there are a couple of friends and family I have that I will resolutely refuse to lend things to precisely because of this. I expect things to be returned to me in a timely fashion and in the condition I lent them in!

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 03/09/2018 21:46

YANBU.

I too would be livid about this.

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 21:46

It's isn't a common problem that means I need to LTB, but it wouldnt be Mumsnet if at least one person didnt mention that.

I've had been really petty and removed every trace of every Allen key from the tool area. Even the really old shit ones that probably don't even work anymore.
I know for a fact they are going to need to them again in the next few days and they can just bloody suffer with it.

OP posts:
ichifanny · 03/09/2018 21:47

Are they the lovely rainbow ones from MADE ?if so I’d be raging too

Original poster
JustChooseSomeCrisps · 03/09/2018 21:49

YES!!!!!! They are!

And DH said (when I complained that his shit replacements werent as good)
"What, just because they aren't pretty colours?"

No you dick, because they were a decent tool which happened to be awesome colours.

OP posts:
InfiniteCurve · 03/09/2018 21:50

I feel your pain.
Luckily no one in the family is interested in either my Swiss Army knife or my decent bike tools,but the pencil drawer ( containing an assortment of pens,decent ruler,decent scissors,stapler possessed by me since I was at school and I am now old Grin) is another matter.
So I ask them to put the scissors away,they forget.I ask again - nicely - no one knows anything about any scissors.So I think IABU and it's just stuff,however I can still never find the decent scissors when I need them so I buy everyone their own scissors.They still use mine.
I'm fed up with it,it's so disrespectful.I don't rummage through their stuff extracting and losing the stuff I fancy....it's not the value of the things,it's the principle.
Next step is a padlock on my drawer,I'm very,very tempted HmmGrin

Thesearepearls · 03/09/2018 21:50

Nah I don't much mind, although I was in fairness mightily pissed off about the scarifier. For the record, everyone nicks my books. Also curiously, Ulysses is my most nicked book. I have bought that novel four times now because no-one ever returns books. I don't even know why i bother to rebuy the novel. I don't much like it and will never re-read it. Possibly I rebuy for the next person who thinks that Ulysses is the novel they ought to read (it really isn't)

ichifanny · 03/09/2018 21:53

I understand Just I have a liking for nice quality items that look nice and organised in the drawers and would be pissed off if people were careless with them. I appreciate nice design in my house .

InfiniteCurve · 03/09/2018 21:54

And now I've looked up the MADE Allen keys - they are lovely,DS definitely needs to replace like for like!
There must be stuff DS and DH care about - how would they feel if you gave it away and replaced it with a cheap imitation?

TwentySmackeroos · 03/09/2018 22:01

My ex took his parents’ spirit level and lied about it. I bought them a replacement. Then when he moved out, he took the stolen one with him. Angry

When I ordered name stickers for the kids going back to school last year, I ordered some for myself and stickered scissors, gardening tools, chargers and leads, .. it felt very petty, until the school secretary rang me at year end to say my sewing shears and tape measure were in the lost and found (thanks, DD11 Hmm)

Lethaldrizzle · 03/09/2018 22:01

I think its annoying but would not get that angry about it. Life is too short

CrossFlannelCherry · 03/09/2018 22:11

Items on loan get returned. Your son didn't lend your allen keys, he gave them away! I keep my tools separate to the general household ones because my DH loses, breaks, soils anything he lays his hands on. He knows not to touch my tools without asking. I would be demanding your DS replaces like with like. Posters saying they can't get worked up over allen keys are missing the point. It's the principle that's the issue.

picklemepopcorn · 03/09/2018 22:22

I'm not generally an LTB poster, but to invalidate you like that makes me see red on your behalf. It's really selfish and not on.

justilou1 · 04/09/2018 02:07

This is why I buy the girly tools and umbrellas, etc with flowers and shit on them... NOT because I actually like the crapulous patterns, but because my DH is too embarrassed to be seen in public using them. If they don’t come with flowers or love hearts or cute little kitties, I paint them on with nail polish. (And I don’t even wear nail polish, btw - it is purchased for this purpose only!!!)

Kattyy · 04/09/2018 02:19

Really? None of you feels (only managed to go through 1 page of responses) that it's a "slight" overreaction??? FFS, it's Allen keys, not your inhalator. Wanna try and keep things in perspective? Get him to replace it with the proper set and BREATHE! You'll give yourself a heart attack...

JoanFrenulum · 04/09/2018 02:26

Oooh YANBU, people buggering about with my tools gives me the rage. Specially knives, brushes, and pens.

Havabiscuit · 04/09/2018 02:31

Can’t you contacts the friend and ask for the originals back?

KickAssAngel · 04/09/2018 02:33

How old is DS? (Sorry if I've missed it).

If he's 5 YABU, if he's about 10 - 15, 1/2 and 1/2, older than that I YANBU, except to be giving him pocket money. He can get a job and earn it, at least over the summer if he doesn't have time during the term.

You shouldn't need to make a song & dance about things belonging to you and people returning things. That should go without saying.

fuzzywuzzy · 04/09/2018 03:05

YANBU, taking someone’s possessions and giving them away is stealing.

I’d start giving their stuff away each time they take something of yours.

Actually how have you got to this point where they’re so utterly unconcerned about your things & steak your things with impunity?

Your ds is learning from his dad that it’s fine to be disrespectful of you and you’re stuff is fair game.

EBay something precious of his and use the money to replace your stolen Allan Keys.

1forAll74 · 04/09/2018 03:08

I would be right on angry,if anyone took my precious DIY stuff,and even more so, then lending it to someone else. I live alone, and do all my own little jobs, as people keep letting you down,if they say they will help you.
I would not bat an eyelid if someone rifled my best bubble bath,or lipstick,, but it would be a mortal sin,to touch and take my beloved tools,
I have just purchased a lovely Bow Saw,, its my pride and joy now, and for my use only !!!

AnoukSpirit · 04/09/2018 03:19

Am I the only one wondering what it is you all use Allen keys for on a regular basis?

Blendingrock · 04/09/2018 03:35

I'd be peeved too. I bought a bright pink set of useful tools (hammer, screwdriver, that sort of thing) in a bright pink box specifically so the males in our household would leave them alone/not use them because they are pink. Sadly they have overcome their distaste of the colour and use them, because they are the only tools that can be found when needed because they don't put their "proper" tools away!

faeriequeen · 04/09/2018 04:30

Actually, thinking about it, before the docking of pocket money I'd make your son ask the friend/The friend's parents for the original set back. That'll make him squirm and you may get them back. I'll bet friend's parents are using them, unaware of where they came from.

Aus84 · 04/09/2018 04:52

I have my own sets of tools too OP. I actually keep them hidden in my wardrobe so DH can't steal them. Now I want rainbow Allen keys...

My daughter steals my good makeup. I find it spread out all over her room after she's had friends over, so frustrating that they take this
"what's yours is mine" attitude.

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