I'm really pissed off but not sure if I'm over reacting.

[JustChooseSomeCrisps]

Because according to DH, I am.

I really need other people's perspective and if I'm BU then I totally accept that.

I bought a set of decent Allen keys that I needed the tiny one for, I specifically told everyone (especially DS) that they were mine and shouldn't leave the house.

I knew DS used them to fix stuff, but I figured I'd let that go as long as they never left the house.

It's suddenly dawned on me that I haven't seen them in a while (I've owned them less than a year, I don't use them often but it really pisses me off when I go to use a tool I own and it's not there, even if I only use it twice a year).

Turns out DS took them out and leant them to a friend, never to be seen again.
I got really mad with him because it was my property, he had no right to take it out the house and definitely no right to lend them to bloody anyone.

Turns out, DH knew this happened. He didn't tell me because "it's nothing to do with him".

I'm now pissed off with him as well because it's our son and it would be a very different story if it was his tool that was given away and he shouldn't have bloody told me so I could deal with it at the time.

Both of them are saying "but it was ages ago".

And it's been replaced for another set of Allen keys which is half the amount, doesn't have the same heads on, and worth a 5th of the price of my decent ones. And also doesn't have the tiny one on there, the one I needed in the first place.

DH seems think I am BU.

I'm hormonal and recently come of Sertraline, I realise that I need to be aware that I could get unnecessarily pissed off about something so I need to know whether I have a right to be angry with them both about this.

More annoyed with DS of course! But I feel like they are in cahoots about it, and neither had the back bone to tell me.

And it's £23 worth of tool that I have to replace! DS isn't getting pocket money at the moment because he's making up for his last epic fuck-up.

Anyone 'borrowing' my things and not returning them makes me breathe fire, so yanbu OP.

It was the kids and my stationery for a while. Stuff like staplers, glue sticks and rulers were a magnet to the thieving little gits and I got sick and tired of replacing them because they got taken into school and 'lost' . So I now etch MUMMY into anything that's mine. Because taking something into school with that on it does bugger all for your street cred.

I do get the odd look from my colleagues though.

YANBU it's the principle.At least they can replace it. n ex of mine gave away my SLF camera that had been a present from a dear friend without asking. Managed to speak to the person he gave it to explaining he shouldn't have given it away. She promised to return it but never did. I was upset about that. It wasn't even worth much -more sentimental. At least yours can be replaced OP but they should have admitted they were in the wrong.

Does your DS have a birthday soon? You can buy them for his birthday present with a note inside the wrapping paper. "These are a replacement set for Mum, you would have got a proper present if you hadn't stolen the others."

Do DS and DH have any expensive trainers, Ipad, that kind of stuff? Lend them to someone.

This....with bells on....and then replace the expensive trainers with some £3 plimsolls, the iPad with a notebook etc etc 😂

YANNNBU. I still haven't forgotten dh's stupid friend who borrowed an interesting book about English from me, lent it to another friend of his and whoomph, I never saw it again! At the time I was literally looking for pennies down the sides of the sofa to save enough to buy it (was being seriously financially abused), finally got enough together, had just finished reading it and was looking forward to reading it again quite soon. It was only a paperback, about £7, but it was the first book I'd been able to choose and buy for nearly 3 years....

So whatever it is, if you've borrowed it, IT'S NOT YOURS. You can't lend it, lose it or give it away. You GIVE IT BACK.

Since when does 2 wrongs make a right?

MrsStrowman: They didnt tell you because they knew you'd flip your lid...

^ But if they'd approached her and said "So sorry, I took them out the house and they are now misplaced, but I will buy you a new set, do you want to choose the ones and I will replace them" I'm sure OP would not have "Flipped her lid" and been a little bit more calm and understanding.

Honesty and an explanation is all the OP wanted, rather than a cover up and a replacement with a shoddy cheaper set.

It's not even about the Allen Keys... it's about the deceit and the cover up.

Yanbu. Tell your Ds to get your allen keys back. Don't ruin your anniversary today eat your DH's dessert tonight as revenge

It’s not the fact the thing was stolen and lost it’s the dismissiveness that would enrage me.

• That was ages ago
• you can use these shit bent ones
• we didn’t say anything because we knew you’d be angry
• you only care because they were nice colours

Take them something of theirs! Do it! And replace with a shit version. Trainers would be a good start.

My ex FIL would do this all the bloody time - borrow things without asking & then either break or lose them. He once took a chainsaw from our garage & broke it - it was my father's, not ours - he had lent it to us.

Was he sorry? Was he fuck!

Very very precious about his own stuff though & woe betide anyone who uses it without permission

DH kept stealing my tape measure. I got sick of it so i drew penises on it with sharpies. He hasn’t touched it since

I'm like this with my fast speed phone chargers. I lose the plot when they get taken - or the wire is changed. I've wrapped stickers around them now with my name on and bought an extra one and hidden it. The reason why I get irritated is that I put things in place to ensure that I'm organised then the taking of these things means that I'm no longer organised.

I'd go for the humiliation option of Ds having to go and ask for them back from the friend.

I may have bought myself an annoyingly coloured tool set, fucking pink.
It was mocked by DH but is the only full set available in the house, despite owning a diy shop!!

OP

And to the person asking how it was coming off Sertraline - it's been relatively easy. But I did it very very slowly. I cut down from 50mg to nothing over 5 months. Any faster than that and I would nose dive into a hideous depression that wasn't even true. I didn't take it for depression, I wasn't depressed but coming off them too fast would cause such a drop that it would create a depression because of the Sertraline (or lack there of). So my advice is do is ridiculously slowly. Best of luck to your daughter.

Thank you so much for your reply and sorry for my late one!

Nooooo. Don't let them replace them as a christmas present - you need an extra special present for the rubbish behaviour that you have had to put up with. If it's just getting you back to the point that you were at before then it means you miss out on a present.

And not tools - but I have boys and have found the only way to stop ds1 acquiring my stationery supplies is to buy pink ones and write mummy on them in big purple letters. Makes me wince every time I use them but then I remember that at least I am actually using them and not hunting around for them in vain...

Great idea for a Christmas present for dh who is always losing tools

Since when does 2 wrongs make a right

Unfortunately when it comes to people who borrow things and don't return them, doing them same to them is the ONLY thing that teaches them the error of their ways

Rare that using anger to make decisions is a good strategy. :(

I agree about making things unattractive to borrow.......I was never really a pink/kittens/flowers sort of person, but I made sure that all the stationery I had to hand on my desk at work not only had my name on it, but was almost aggressively twee (boys school). Zero street cred; they can be hyper-paranoid about their masculine image at that age, to the extent of teasing anyone who used the lighter-coloured dinner tray, as possibly being gay (!?!) That just left a couple of shameless colleagues to deal with....
But I do deeply sympathise with the rage you feel about the casual "borrowing", the lying, and the lack of support from DH. If I borrowed something (having asked first) and lost or damaged it, I'd be mortified and feel obliged to replace exactly.

Like twoshedsjackson I used to deliberately have incredibly girly belongings at work, I was the only woman in my department. It turns out that men would rather get wet on a rainy lunchtime than borrow a polka-dot umbrella with scottie dogs around the edge.