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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DH unreasonable to dd's friend?

300 replies

upsideup · 02/09/2018 20:57

DH took 11 year old dd and 2 of her friends skateboarding to day. He is a coach but this wasn't a lesson, just him taking dd and her friends out so supposed to be fun.
DH took all equipment to lend dd's friend which including board, helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards. One girl refused to wear this, said she would be fine and her mum wouldn't mind, Dh told her to go back to the car then where she sent her mum a text who replied saying that's fine, as long as shes careful. DH still said no and sent her back to the car and let dd and her other friend skate for about an hour then took them all home.

Personally I wouldn't have done this because it feels too mean so would have taken her home first or let her do a bit on the flat with her mums permission. I get why DH did this though and its what I would have expected him to do but I do think he should have at least asked her to sit down with near her friends rather than send her back to the car on her own and have told him this.

I (not DH) have had a text from the girls parents saying dd has been in tears all evening from today, shes really upset with DH and dd (who I think just didn't say or do anything).

So do you think DH (and dd) were unreasonable and should apologise?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/09/2018 21:00

Nope at 11 she is old enough to follow the rules of the adult who is caring for her, he was in charge and had a very reasonable rule.

Why should the others miss out to take her back? She could easily have done as was asked or text her Mum back to pick her up!

RJnomore1 · 02/09/2018 21:00

Absolutely not especially if he's a coach and has a reputation to maintain.

He supplied everything she needed, she didn't want to wear it, her choice. The other two had no issue wearing it?

EduCated · 02/09/2018 21:01

The equipment vs no equipment is his call, but I do think he was bloody unreasonable to send them back to the car by herself if there was somewhere she could have sat and watched.

politicalcorrectnessisgreat · 02/09/2018 21:02

Why did he not call the parent and telly hem to collect her or tell her she needs to wear the stuff?

Loopytiles · 02/09/2018 21:02

How far away was the car?

Had your DH explained to the girl/mum in advance that he was only willing to supervise if they all used the safety stuff?

NapQueen · 02/09/2018 21:02

Why did he need to even be there? Couldnt he have just dropped them off?

Singlenotsingle · 02/09/2018 21:03

It was a health and safety issue and the friend was wrong and U to refuse to use the PPE. If it was me I would have taken the girl back home, before going back to the skateboard park with the others.

inthisdayandage · 02/09/2018 21:03

I think your Dh was correct. If any harm had come to the child I am sure the parents would have thought differently. Maybe he should have sat the girl on the side but he was in no way wrong for not allowing her to skateboard.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 02/09/2018 21:03

I'm with your DH on this. If I'm looking after someone's child then I'm responsible for their safety. If he wanted them to wear a helmet etc before he would supervise them skateboarding then that's his choice. If the parents are happy for them not to wear it then that's their choice, but under their supervision.

Can understand she was upset having to sit in the car on her own but then why not just put the safety gear on, especially if the other girls were wearing it? Confused

SomeKnobend · 02/09/2018 21:03

He was wrong to make her sit in the car alone for an hour. She could have sat at the side and watched.

Also why text her mum if he was going to ignore her permission anyway? I'd be pissed off if I were the girl's mum, and I'd have cried as an 11 yr old in that situation (although tbf, I'd have worn the stuff).

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 02/09/2018 21:03

I think he was totally in the right. What if she had had an accident and he had allowed it.

Loopytiles · 02/09/2018 21:03

He was not U to require them to wear the safety stuff. In his situation I would have made clear in advance and phoned the mum or dad to explain and suggest they collect their DD.

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/09/2018 21:03

Good for him. Sorry but the girl's parents don't get to challenge him on this whilst she is in his care. She doesn't want to comply with it, she sits out, simple as that. And i'd be telling her parents that too. They want to allow her to skate without safety gear they can take her themselves

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2018 21:04

Sending her to the car was weird. Saying she needed to wear the gear or not skate was NBU.

cochineal7 · 02/09/2018 21:04

Wow. Maasively out if order. If he was so concerned for safety, why did he not think of picking up the phone and talking to the parent himself? Why let her text her mum, who then gave permission, and still ignore this? It’s skateboarding, she did not want to jump out if an airplane without a parachute!

giveitfive · 02/09/2018 21:04

He was in the right.

The friend had a choice and made it.

She could break a wrist even on the flat and then where is his reputation as a coach when he has supervised a (stupid) kid without appropriate gear....

CarrieBlu · 02/09/2018 21:05

No he was absolutely right to do that. If the girl had seriously injured herself whilst under your DH supervision I’m sure the parents would have made a fuss then too! She’s old enough to understand the consequences and chose not to wear the correct equipment anyway. It was her choice.

twiglet · 02/09/2018 21:07

Completely right of your DH if she refuses to wear safety kit and not allowing her to have the fun is important lesson for her to learn that unless you listen and wear the kit you don't get to join in the fun or watch the fun!

CaffeineAndCrochet · 02/09/2018 21:08

If he's a coach, he's seen exactly what kind of injuries can happen and he was absolutely right to stand his ground on the matter. The girl had the option of joining in with the fun, she just needed to put on the gear first.

CarrieBlu · 02/09/2018 21:08

@cochineal7

He was probably hoping that by telling the girl to text her parents, that they would do the sensible thing and back him up, and tell her that she had to wear the equipment. It obviously backfired.

Also, skateboarding injuries can be really nasty!

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 02/09/2018 21:10

DH was absolutely right

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/09/2018 21:11

OP didn't say her husband told the girl to text her parents? She probably did it herself in the hope a text from mum would make DH back down!

Original poster
upsideup · 02/09/2018 21:12

Dh didnt text or tell the girl to text her mum to ask
The car was in sight and not very far away at all, if he takes DD and DS skating and one of them is messing around he would tell them to go back to the car then so the other can do it properly, he says he wouldnt have minded if she'd sat somewhere near by but meant he wasnt going to stand there and argue with her so if she wasnt going to put them on she can go back to the car which she did.

OP posts:
crosstalk · 02/09/2018 21:12

Quite understand he didn't want to be in charge of someone who wouldn't use protection since if she'd got injured he would have been liable. But he could have handled it better and just put her on the side lines? Her mother needs to be told about physical safety as well.

Frouby · 02/09/2018 21:13

He did the right thing. We have ponies. I sometimes used to let dds friends come but had really strict rules about safety and wearing the right kit. If a child had turned up in canvas pumps or open top shoes for instance they were told to go through the boot box and find some that fit. I kept outgrown boots for that exact reason.

If they had refused they wouldn't have gone.