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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DH unreasonable to dd's friend?

300 replies

upsideup · 02/09/2018 20:57

DH took 11 year old dd and 2 of her friends skateboarding to day. He is a coach but this wasn't a lesson, just him taking dd and her friends out so supposed to be fun.
DH took all equipment to lend dd's friend which including board, helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards. One girl refused to wear this, said she would be fine and her mum wouldn't mind, Dh told her to go back to the car then where she sent her mum a text who replied saying that's fine, as long as shes careful. DH still said no and sent her back to the car and let dd and her other friend skate for about an hour then took them all home.

Personally I wouldn't have done this because it feels too mean so would have taken her home first or let her do a bit on the flat with her mums permission. I get why DH did this though and its what I would have expected him to do but I do think he should have at least asked her to sit down with near her friends rather than send her back to the car on her own and have told him this.

I (not DH) have had a text from the girls parents saying dd has been in tears all evening from today, shes really upset with DH and dd (who I think just didn't say or do anything).

So do you think DH (and dd) were unreasonable and should apologise?

OP posts:
newdaylight · 02/09/2018 21:34

There are ways of getting kids to comply with safety rules and this does not seem to be it.
Not his problem though is it. Why should he be getting her to comply with the safety rules?

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2018 21:34

He was fine. Precious pumpkin was sulking. She could have swallowed her pride, put on the safety gear and joined in, or phoned her mum to come get her.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 02/09/2018 21:34

incy I work in a primary school. I very well believe it.

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2018 21:35

He obviously should have spent half an hour gently coaxing her into wearing it. Maybe a sticker and a little present if she agreed? Oh, no, wait, she’s 11, not 4.

He did exactly the right thing.

ENormaSnob · 02/09/2018 21:35

Kid sounds stupid. Parents on a par.

Well rid imo.

Yanbu

Willow2017 · 02/09/2018 21:35

Just ridiculous. The mum is as bad as the dd was.
No way would i have let her do it and i am not a coach.

At 11y she understands rules. 8f the car was visible then tough. Why should he have an argumentative kid disrupt every one else's fun?

Mum would have been first to moan if she had hurt herself.

TwoOddSocks · 02/09/2018 21:35

I also thinks it makes a difference if the girl actually wanted to have a skateboarding lesson! Had she asked for it or was it something that was suggested last minute? She might have been nervous or had no interest in learning to skateboard and would rather to wear the equipment as a way of getting out of doing anything too scary.

Cel982 · 02/09/2018 21:36

Perfectly reasonable not to allow her to participate without wearing the appropriate gear.

Not ok, however, to send her to sit in the car alone for an hour while the others had fun. It sounds like she could have safely watched from the sidelines, therefore making her go to the car was a punishment. And it's not his job to punish his daughter's friend; it sounds like he was pissed off at her for defying him, and this was his 'revenge'. If I were her parent I'd be really unhappy with that.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 02/09/2018 21:36

I think i quite admire him

TatianaLarina · 02/09/2018 21:38

It’s a bit weird to make her sit in the car. I couldn’t do that personally, I’d have had to sat with her outside.

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/09/2018 21:38

Why should the other girls miss out on skating time so that DH can negotiate with a spoilt brat? You don't negotiate with other adults about safety gear, just because he wasn't there in a coaching capacity doesn't change that. I refuse to take DDs mates to the skate park unless they are wearing helmets, regardless of what they want or what their parents allow. Our skatepark has nowhere safe to sit & watch on the sidelines so the car would be spot on. Plus it is less likely she will distract the others

Marriedwithchildren5 · 02/09/2018 21:39

I think i quite admire him

Me to!

BarbaraHepworth · 02/09/2018 21:39

Assuming he wasn't a complete dick in the way he did it your husband is in the right. Even if he was a bit of a dick and she could have watched from a bench, he's still right in principle.

The girl sounds like a ridiculous precious snowflake and the mother totally stupid. Who on earth would allow their child to skateboard without protection?

That's the last time she is offered a free afternoon of skateboard coaching.

Mookatron · 02/09/2018 21:39

Presumably she could have left the car, put the safety eqpt on, and joined in at any point? She decided not to. I wonder what that parent would do in the same situation.

SoupDragon · 02/09/2018 21:40

He obviously should have spent half an hour gently coaxing her into wearing it. Maybe a sticker and a little present if she agreed? Oh, no, wait, she’s 11, not 4.

Yeah, because there’s no middle ground like, say, making her watch from the side is there?

GandalfsWrinklyHat · 02/09/2018 21:40

My DH broke both wrists and dislocated a knee skateboarding when we were kids. Safety precautions are important. Her parents would have a lot to say if she came home injured. HWNBU.

TatianaLarina · 02/09/2018 21:41

Not ok, however, to send her to sit in the car alone for an hour while the others had fun. It sounds like she could have safely watched from the sidelines, therefore making her go to the car was a punishment. And it's not his job to punish his daughter's friend

I agree. It’s a bit OTT. Some men do see things in black and white and get overly officious. He wasn’t just responsible for the skateboard lesson he was responsible for looking after all 3 children.

itswinetime · 02/09/2018 21:42

No reason not to wear protection I have worked with so many kids with life altering head injuries that weren't wearing a helmet! Your Dh was tight to not let her skate he is the one responsible he would be the one living with it if the girl had been hurt even if the parents did accept it wasn't his choice (they wouldn't have).

I wouldn't have sent her to the car though she can either wait with him in the spectator area or they all leave and drop her home then carry on! Isolating her in the car doesn't seem necessary to me.

Willow2017 · 02/09/2018 21:43

Missed your last but of post op.

Why on earth should your dd apologise because her friend was an awkward so and so?

Thomasinaa · 02/09/2018 21:44

The girl was being a pain in the neck and disrupting what was supposed to be a fun treat. He was annoyed with her, probably didn't want her hanging around and whingeing.Her own fault.

Cantusethatname · 02/09/2018 21:45

Too many kids who think they don't have to do anything they're told. Good for your husband and her mum sounds like a complete fool.

Original poster
upsideup · 02/09/2018 21:45

The car is very close by and she wasnt in any danger being their alone, Its much safer than sitting on the floor where she could have got hurt, distracted or got in other skaters way.
Its where our kids sit if their not skating for safety but also they would much rather be sat in a comfortable seat playing on their phones than on the cold hard floor watching others skate and hate it when he calls them out to watch what someone As I said I wouldnt have told her to go to the car but he didnt say it to be mean to her, he would have thought it was safer and that she would prefer to be there anyway.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 02/09/2018 21:46

The little snowflake could have joined them at any point and put on the safety gear.
Maybe next time she will not be such a smartass.

LusaCole · 02/09/2018 21:47

Your DH was right to insist on the girl wearing safety equipment.

However it sounds like perhaps he could have handled it a bit better. Did he give her plenty of opportunity to change her mind and join in when she realised she had no choice about wearing the equipment?

I do think it's a bit sad to think of her sitting in the car by herself for an hour while the others had fun.

However, I think your reply to the other parents should focus on the fact that their DD should have agreed to wear the safety equipment. Have you texted them yet?

MsFrizzle · 02/09/2018 21:48

What if she got hurt trying it without the PPE? What if she tried to do it on her own to defy him and got hurt and he either had to physically intervene to stop her (and prevent her from getting hurt worse) or let her and get hurt? His hands were pretty tied.