A wedding one - children 'begging'

[GunpowderGelatine]

I went to a wedding yesterday, fairly lavish, although the night do guests had to pay for their own seats on the bus at £5 each way. That's not my AIBU though - there were 2 flower girls, sisters who are 6&7, nieces of the bride. There was an announcement after the wedding breakfast that, as a thank you for their flower girl duties, they will be going around tables collecting money in their money boxes. They then went round with their Mum, an older bridesmaid, and basically begged from each table. There were about 80 people there, 8 on our table and we all gave (because how can you say no to a 6yo!) anything from £1-£5 each.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird and basically begging? Surely the bride and groom give the presents to flower girls and bridesmaids as a thank you?! I think they could have skipped the candy floss stand, or one of the numerous other things they'd brought in, and used the money to buy the flower girls a present themselves?

Horrendous behaviour

We once went to a destination wedding where guests had literally flown in from all over the world (the couple were Australian and Spanish and the wedding was in Italy). The bride went from table to table begging for contributions, SEVERAL TIMES during the festivities

Omg, horrific! How was she so brass necked? She must have been shamed at herself!

The flower girl thing is pure grabby. Utter shit.

Not seen a Scramble at a wedding in years. I did consider one for my own wedding but no kiddos around were I lived at the time. Although I have a funny feeling there was a small child waiting to see the bride and my Dad gave them a pound or something. Not sure why we didn't do one at the church.

Never heard of young attendant asking guests for money.

@zeeboo yes, of course I knew that it was customary for the church to ask for donations. My point was broader than that - being put on the spot and asked for money, which fits in with the theme of the thread.

If you read my posts, you would appreciate that the collection plate wasn’t simply ‘passed around’ it was brought to each aisle and waved at every guest.

You will be disappointed to hear that you really have no argument to make with me; I appreciate that church buildings require upkeep which requires money. It was the method that I was referencing.

Bit rough on the kids, as well. If it wasn't a cultural thing, there might have been a few people who refused quite sharply - and little kids would have no idea that it wasn't polite or appropriate, they'd just have been doing what they were told.

I genuinely laughed FlotSHAMnJetson.

I have heard of the 'scramble' from a Dublin friend, who said it was called 'the groshy' where the couple would throw lots of pennies for the children...
(yes he was old like I am)

I have never heard of this tradition of flower girls going round begging for money. Is this a new thing?

Tacky beyond belief. [boak]

Never heard of a 'scramble' as such, but local tradition here of village kids tying the church gates closed and being paid (coppers) to open them and let the wedding party out (East Yorkshire).

Scrambling for coins is an old tradition. The do it in the wedding scene at the end of Sense & Sensibility. Alan Rickman as Col. Brandon chucks coins to the children.

Scrammy round here... and I haven't seen or heard of one for years, now that it's been mentioned.

I don't know what it's called, but where I live (North Yorkshire), the local kids tie the church gates shut with billy band (baler twine) during the ceremony and the best man has to throw coins to the waiting kids before he is allowed to cut the billy band and let the B&G out.

As a tradition, it's still very much going strong!

Never heard of table-to-table begging at the reception, though. Seems very bad form.

Begging by fliwergirls - awful awful awful.

Scrambles - brilliant! Ioved them as a child. In central Scotland the brides father would do a scramble as he & the bride left the house & the groom would do one as he and the bride drove away from the church.

We had a scramble at my daughters wedding in Yorkshire Dales last year. It’s just been a tradition at this particular church which I’d quite remote. The Church gate is tied up with ribbon as the Bride and Groom exit and it’s the grooms men’s job to cut through it ( with his sword although in our case, penknife) and scatter pennies for the local kids.

We had tied gates and the groom throws money to be let out. I loved it as a child. Sometimes all the guests threw cash. NorthYorkshire

You could have skipped ffs

🤣

Disgusting. Tacky, greedy, rude, crass, vulgar, totally lacking in class. I think that just about covers it.

I wouldn't have given them anything on principle. Chances are I wouldn't have had any cash on me anyway.

Penny for the sporran and penny in the pram are fine imho, as they’re given freely, and no one is put on the spot. And they can literally be a penny! It’s for luck, and a token to ensure they’ll always have money (in the case of the pram penny) not cash value! I tend to give a pound, but some people do give less and that’s ok!
I do give flower girls a penny to put in her bag, just as I give wee boys a penny for the sporran unprompted, but no way if she/he asked/was touting for business.
Crass and vulgar.

It does seem weird, when I was a bridesmaid in the 70's/80's you got a keepsake from the day which was usually jewellery. It'd be uncomfortable as if you've planned on so much for the bar, if you don't have change then you'd feel compelled to give what you had. Very strange concept.

That's awful!

That's just really tacky!

My parents have stopped going to family weddings because it's such a huge hassle and expense just for one day. They just dole out 50 quid and send a card. Much easier!

That's weird. When I was a flower girl in the late 80s, I remember being given money by other guests and my brother also was given a few quid for his sporran. There was also a scramble outside the church (Scotland) but it very poor form to actually ask

Who suggested this? Were the B&G aware their flower girls were having a collection? It sounds like very odd behaviour. "When the money runs out, so too does the love"

People seem more entitled now, remember the times of Guest Lists so you could pick out what you could afford. I don't get the excuse of, 'Well we live together so don't need anything!' Surely household goods gifted at your wedding would have sentiment to a degree.

I understand why holiday vouchers are asked for, but surely something that lasted would be more worthwhile.