A wedding one - children 'begging'

[GunpowderGelatine]

I went to a wedding yesterday, fairly lavish, although the night do guests had to pay for their own seats on the bus at £5 each way. That's not my AIBU though - there were 2 flower girls, sisters who are 6&7, nieces of the bride. There was an announcement after the wedding breakfast that, as a thank you for their flower girl duties, they will be going around tables collecting money in their money boxes. They then went round with their Mum, an older bridesmaid, and basically begged from each table. There were about 80 people there, 8 on our table and we all gave (because how can you say no to a 6yo!) anything from £1-£5 each.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird and basically begging? Surely the bride and groom give the presents to flower girls and bridesmaids as a thank you?! I think they could have skipped the candy floss stand, or one of the numerous other things they'd brought in, and used the money to buy the flower girls a present themselves?

OP...it’s really weird and I wouldn’t like it either!

alles that’s totally standard for every church I’ve ever been in and has nothing to do with the Christening. The plate is offered round and if you don’t want to add anything you just pass it on. It’s for the general upkeep and works of the church and it’s not grabby or entitled. It’s the Offertory collection and has been that way, in the Catholic Church certainly, for centuries.

we used to call scramble a "scoor oot" here in Central Scotland and the groom would chuck a big handful of small change to all the little kids. haven't seen that happening in years, acutally decades.

AlleAusLiebe that would definitely have been the church collection, it's the norm to have baskets passed around by a lay volunteer of the church

dementedma
My nephew got married recently and they had a scramble.

Shadylady53 sure, I understand what you mean, but there wasn’t the option to just pass the plate on. The woman stood at the end of every row and shook the plate until everyone had contributed.

I wasn’t drawing a parallel between the two, but nowadays there does seem to be much more pressure involved when it comes to being parted with your money.

OP, out of interest did most people give the flower girls money?

I grew up in Edinburgh and I think we called it a poor-oot? Does that sound right? We used to hang round the door of the church when we knew a wedding was going on!

Everyone on our table did. We gave each a £2 coin. I was a guest of a relative so I didn't feel quite right stating what a cheek I thought it was to others (I would if I knew people on my table or if it was my family).

dementedma

Is that what was happening at the end of the film adaptation of sense and sensibility (with Emma Thompson) when Colonel Brandon throws a big pile of coins for the kids to chase after? I've always wondered about that.

Called a "Grushie" in Ireland (ROI anyway). All the little scamps hung around the church and the Dad flung a pile of pennies and other shrapnel at them. My Irish cousin lived opposite a church.

She had far more money than I did after the Saturday weddings back in the day!

Anyway as someone else mentioned, few people have coins/change now that we have contactless cards. So even the bag packers are impoverished in the supermarkets now!

AllesAusLiebe in that case she was being extremely inappropriate and shouldn’t have that duty. That’s not at all standard practice.

Gosh people are weird! Why on earth would you do this?!

That's awful! One of the worst wedding CF stories I've heard! As others have said, what on earth are you supposed to be thanking the flower girls for?!

OP you're having us on right?? surely !! this is crazy! this is beyond CF

At the very most they would have got a few coppers from me. Or nothing at all. I can’t bear this kind of grabby behaviour.

Thats just grabby and totally cringy.

Op think yourself lucky..... I was once at a wedding where the paige boy was going table to table selling farts. Everyone thought it was hilarious and he made a fortune.

Really odd.

At my brother in law's wedding my MIL bagged up the buffet leftovers and encouraged my children to sell them to the guests as they left. I actually think that was worse than the OP.

Urgh.

At my brother in law's wedding my MIL bagged up the buffet leftovers and encouraged my children to sell them to the guests as they left. I actually think that was worse than the OP.

Yep. Definitely worse!

Not having you on. Someone on my table asked one of the girls what they were going to buy with it, and she said a rabbit. I don't even want to fund my own kids having annoying pets let alone someone else's.

I'm so shocked by this - or did you misunderstand and the collection was for a charity or something?

If it was a collection for the bridesmaids, how dreadful to teach children to beg.

"No thanks love, I thought the flower girl's at Uncle John's wedding were better, you could have skipped ffs."

Very grabby and cheeky. The B&G give the bridesmaids gifts to say thank you, not the guests. Bet the money is going to the cF couple, not the bridesmaids.

@AllesAusLiebe you really didn't know that church services always include a collection being passed? Those pesky Christians asking for money for the upkeep of the church when the baby's family just wanted a venue that would look nice in the photos

Bloody hell.

Another from NE who fondly remembers a scramble. Seems to have died out now though?

We once went to a destination wedding where guests had literally flown in from all over the world (the couple were Australian and Spanish and the wedding was in Italy). The bride went from table to table begging for contributions, SEVERAL TIMES during the festivities!

I was rather shocked...

I agree OP. It's all so grabby now. Those poems in invitations are awful, just awful.