A wedding one - children 'begging'

[GunpowderGelatine]

I went to a wedding yesterday, fairly lavish, although the night do guests had to pay for their own seats on the bus at £5 each way. That's not my AIBU though - there were 2 flower girls, sisters who are 6&7, nieces of the bride. There was an announcement after the wedding breakfast that, as a thank you for their flower girl duties, they will be going around tables collecting money in their money boxes. They then went round with their Mum, an older bridesmaid, and basically begged from each table. There were about 80 people there, 8 on our table and we all gave (because how can you say no to a 6yo!) anything from £1-£5 each.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird and basically begging? Surely the bride and groom give the presents to flower girls and bridesmaids as a thank you?! I think they could have skipped the candy floss stand, or one of the numerous other things they'd brought in, and used the money to buy the flower girls a present themselves?

Havaina
Oy vey op, that's very poor show isn't it?

When my DS was 3, he was at my male cousin's wedding, dressed in his wee kilt and looking adorable. My cousin then said DS's sporran needed fed, and put some coins in it. He then told DS to ask other guests to feed his sporran, showing him how to rattle it at them and say 'feed me'! It was very funny (at the time), guests were in stitches. He made over £80, and I felt quite bad after , but as it was my cousin's wedding, it would have seemed petty to stop it at the time.

I wonder if this is a cultural norms for them? Like how in Turkish weddings money is pinned to the bride.

If not then it is very odd indeed, as is charging guests for a bus they put on.

That's bizarre. I've never heard of that before, hope it doesn't become a thing. Sounds like they've mixed it up with trick or treating. (Hate that too!)

It’s a bit tacky yes but on the flip side my cousin was 7 or 8 when her mum got married and had been tasked with handing out favours. She made a killing that night all the drunk friends and relatives giving her cash as she handed them round. They were kids I’d have stuck a pond or two in and moved on with my night.

Incredibly crass. And grabby.

What an awful thing to teach children, to essentially beg for money after participating in a wedding ceremony which should have been an honour and a privilege! Not a chance to grab yet more from the guests!

Keeptrudging, I hope you gave the collected moneys to the B&G?

Urbanbeetler
Oh I loved a good scramble.
Can remember playing outside and when we saw the car's arriving running up the road shouting SCRAMBLE 🤣🤣

That's lowest of the low. Getting kids to beg. Urgh and shame on them really.

Completely inappropriate. I’m so fed up with this culture of greed.

Today I went to a christening and they actually carried the collection plate around, waving it at everyone. We were with a group of friends who passed their (fairly generous) contributions down the pew to DH who was sitting on the end. The woman then continued to shake the damn thing to suggest that everyone hadn’t put their money in. I told her that we’d pooled our contributions and she frowned and stamped away!

Unrelated story, but along a similar theme.

If I’d have been at this wedding, I really wouldn’t want to give them anything, but it’s probably too tough to say no.

I’d probably have asked what charity they were collecting for.

Unless they took contactless,they would of hit peak disappointment when they got to me

That's awful, was it definitely for them? I went to a wedding where the flower girls did this but they were collecting for a local children's charity who were supporting a very poorly child known to the family. The bride and groom had also said no gifts as they'd been together a long time already and people being there was enough for them, so it felt appropriate in that context.

@AllesAusLiebe are you sure that wasn't the church doing a collection (fairly standard procedure, although not harassing people for money!) rather than somebody from the family collecting for the person being christened?

Hmmm not a fan of this, puts everyone in an uncomfortable place
We got our flower girl a handmade doll of herself in her bridesmaids outfit, same hair and everything it was super cute and a nice keepsake for her. We got the little boy an engraved yo yo.

urbanbeetler scramble!

In the NE we called it a hoy out! Father of the bride would hoy (throw) money from the car window as they left and we’d all scramble for it. As kids we could stand outside for an hour waiting for the hoy out. Usually only small change though that had been accumulated by the family.

Favourite memory is the hoy out in the late 80s where the father of the bride forgot to open the car window and just showered himself in pennies

Different culture?

Horrible for a British wedding.

Wow, this is awful!

I remember scrambling as a kid in the 90s - never went table to table though. That’s just crass.

Wish my best pal had thought of that when I was her bridesmaid last year, the bar was extortionate

Just grabby.
Bride and groom are supposed to give them gifts not guests ffs. You should have said "they arent my flower girls why should i pay them"?😀

Another one who loved a scramble we all used to wait outside the church ready for it😀 had one at mine too. Still goes on round here.

I'm pleased it's not just me! YY to Scottish weddings putting money in the sporans - but I've never been to a wedding where anyone demands this!

This is the second wedding this year I've been to where guests were asked to pay for transport. I don't drink anyway so I always drive, but I still feel it's cheeky. I used to enjoy weddings but now I dread getting an invitation (or a save the date, bleurgh) because a wedding never just seems to be a reasonable affair any more. There's always 3 day hen do's abroad, begging poems with invitations, this bride even had a bridal shower (whatever that is) etc, basically expectations for guests to go above and beyond before the day has even begun.

I wouldn't have given them anything. I could quite easily say no!

@MsVestibule I thought they usually just left a collection pot at the back of the church for that? It’s certainly more anonymous and less pressurised that way.

You may be right, though, maybe it was for the church! I still totally disagree with being asked for money in that way, though. It should be discreet if at all.

Pretty sure shoving a penny in the babies pram is a Scottish thing too - might be a bad attempt at that PP?

The collection was probably for the church as they don’t charge for christenings and for most christenings the families are only ever seen once, for the christening.