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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender disappointment (5th boy)

231 replies

Sequinsglitter · 01/09/2018 21:51

AIBU to be a bit disappointed?
I am really happy to be have my 5th child but i feel a little disappointed as i was so convinced i was having a girl this time around. I think it's partly because it's not what I was expecting but I can't help but want a little girl sometimes with all these boys

OP posts:
Portobellae · 01/09/2018 21:53

yes

garethsouthgatesmrs · 01/09/2018 21:54

YANBU. I get why you feel like this but honestly with that many children you are bound to have a different relationship with each one and you have no way of knowing what difference a girl would have made.

What were you looking for from a girl?

KindergartenKop · 01/09/2018 21:55

Yanbu but you should probably be grateful for what you have. After 4 boys I'd not be surprised to have a fifth. Girls aren't necessarily what you imagine them to be though, they're not a mini you, just as your boys aren't a mini DP.

ZanyMobster · 01/09/2018 21:55

YABVU. You shouldn't have another child just to get a girl, it should have been because you just want another child. This makes me really sad

bringbackfonzi · 01/09/2018 21:56

Of course YANBU to be a bit disappointed. That is totally natural. You should acknowledge it (to yourself I mean!) and let it pass.

bringbackfonzi · 01/09/2018 21:58

Zany the OP says she is happy to be having another child so I don't think you can assume she only had a 5th to get a girl.

FocusOnMePlease · 01/09/2018 21:58

YABU you knew the risks when you went for a 5th baby its -50/50 at the best of times but after 4 boys already getting a girl this time should not have been high in your expectations. Biscuit

GreenMeerkat · 01/09/2018 22:03

It depends on why you decided to have to 5th child.

If you wanted another child, regardless of gender, than no YANBU. I am pregnant with #3 and after two girls I am thrilled to he having a boy, I'd have been slightly disappointed if it was another girl but the baby was planned with that in mind.

If you went for a 5th child to try and have a girls however, YABU!

ZanyMobster · 01/09/2018 22:03

bringbankfonzi - I get that but the fact she is disappointed suggests she wanted the 5th child so it was a girl if that makes sense. I just find this whole gender disappointment horrible. If OP is genuinely having a 5th child because she wants another baby then surely she wouldn't be disappointed it isn't a girl.

elQuintoConyo · 01/09/2018 22:06

My grandmother had 8 boys in a row, then a girl. Back in the days before scans. She was delighted with her girl, but never begrudged her hoard of boys!

bringbackfonzi · 01/09/2018 22:10

zany I think you can want another baby of either sex, but still have a preference for one or the other and thus be a bit disappointed if it isn't. Doesn't mean you would rather not have a baby at all. I also think accepting this feeling, which I expect is quite common, rather than berating yourself for it, is the best way to get over it.

MacNcheese87 · 01/09/2018 22:12

Of course it's normal to be disappointed. You can dream can't you? It doesn't take away from the excitement you will have bringing home another little boy, but for now, it's ok to imagine what might have been.

It would be unreasonable to keep having children in order to get a girl.

funinthesun18 · 01/09/2018 22:12

Yanbu, I get you op. I felt like this at one point.

Thehop · 01/09/2018 22:13

YANBU at all. It’s like grieving isn’t it? For he girl you imagined having?

I adore my boys but I must admit when I was told number 3 was coming I was disappointed. I’d never have admitted it because I knew we were very lucky to be pregnant but I couldn’t help it.

Wouldn’t swap him now. There’s something very special about boys and mums xx

Evianliveyoung1 · 01/09/2018 22:14

This mkes me so sad. As someone struggling to conceive you should feel lucky you are able to enjoy the journey of motherhood at all.

Babyroobs · 01/09/2018 22:15

YANBU - I have 3 boys and my last child was a girl but I think there would have been a little disappointment if she had been a fourth boy.

RedDwarves · 01/09/2018 22:16

Perhaps don't have more children if you don't want a particular sex. It's obscene to have 5 children and be upset the genders didn't end up the way you wanted them to. Get a grip.

Babyroobs · 01/09/2018 22:18

RedDwarves - I agree, my fourth was unplanned. I would not have kept going to have a girl.

DelilahandDaisy · 01/09/2018 22:18

sex not gender.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/09/2018 22:18

What would a girl bring you that a boy wouldn't? And how can you be sure?

RachelTeeth · 01/09/2018 22:19

What do you think would be different with a girl? When people answer this you usually see ‘nice clothes’ and a ‘mother daughter relationship’ (what does that mean?!) and ‘shopping trips’, which is just a really depressing reason to bring yet another consumer into a plant which humans have utterly destroyed.

Cornflakedout · 01/09/2018 22:19

YABU - girls are harder workGrin...

Rednaxela · 01/09/2018 22:22

I don't know a single person in real life who would prefer 3 boys to 2 boys and a girl. Not anything negative about boys just wanting to have a boy and a girl which is pretty universal! Only on MN is it taboo to say you would prefer to have a family of both sexes. YANBU

AspieHere · 01/09/2018 22:24

"sex not gender."

Exactly what I was going to say.

Emmageddon · 01/09/2018 22:27

I hope you never let your son know you were disappointed he wasn't a girl. Unless you are wealthy and prepared to go overseas to pay for gender selection, you can't choose the sex of your child. People on this forum struggle to conceive/have multiple miscarriages etc and you have 5 healthy sons.