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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gender disappointment (5th boy)

231 replies

Sequinsglitter · 01/09/2018 21:51

AIBU to be a bit disappointed?
I am really happy to be have my 5th child but i feel a little disappointed as i was so convinced i was having a girl this time around. I think it's partly because it's not what I was expecting but I can't help but want a little girl sometimes with all these boys

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 01/09/2018 23:07

Once you've had 2 of the same sex your chances of conceiving the opposite sex drop considerably, more so with each pregnancy that yields the same sex so after 4 boys the odds are massively stacked against getting a girl.

Lemons1571 · 01/09/2018 23:10

It is hard. I have 3 boys. The outside world assumes that the third baby was meant to be a girl. I even had someone extend their sympathies to me Hmm

I wouldn’t change it for anything, but I have to admit that sometimes it feels a bit lonely and unbalanced. I have found mums of all boys get it, but those with both sexes just can’t and accuse you of labelling your boys as disappointments. so I don’t bother trying to explain it any more.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 01/09/2018 23:10

My father is the youngest of eight sisters ( including twins) They obviously kept going until they had a boy.

Interestingly all my cousins from these aunties are completely different. We have incredibly successful ( famous) to one with a long prison sentence. Gay, lesbian, married 30 years, divorced, never married never had kids. Basically - it's a long game. Your boys will grow up and then you have their children ( or not).

What's more interesting is big family dynamics. My eight aunties see their parents ( my grandparents) really differently from adoration of one, to resentment of another. . I would be more focused on about how the five will fit into your family than the sex.
But I don't think YABU for wanting a girl.

Womaningreen · 01/09/2018 23:12

OP "When i said "all these boys" i was thinking of the day I'd had, being shot with nerf guns or ignored as they stare blanky at the tv as they play on their playstation"

And parents of daughters, across the land, had the same day!

thecatsarecrazy · 01/09/2018 23:19

Yanbu. I have 3 boys. Can't have anymore. I get a kick in the gut when i hear someone has had a girl. Can't help it. Love my children but was convinced i would have a daughter. Never believed i would be a mum to 3 sons.

MrsDeanWinchester75 · 01/09/2018 23:22

Yanbu, I always had a preference for girls and did end up having two but the guilt I felt was tremendous.

Those who have no preference will never believe us that we can be genuinely thrilled to be pregnant and our first hope is that the baby is healthy and that it'd be a bonus if it was a particular sex.

GreenMeerkat · 01/09/2018 23:27

Oh @shabbs, how unbelievably tragic. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boys Thanks

BakedBeans47 · 01/09/2018 23:31

YABU.

There have been several threads about this over the last week or so, all women wanting girls over boys, and sorry you’re bearing the brunt OP but I am so fed up reading about this.

Stop with the self pity and count your considerable blessings.

GreenMeerkat · 01/09/2018 23:32

@Womaningreen. Agreed.

There are the same irritations with girls. I spend my days constantly picking up tiny bits of plastic clothing (from LOL) dolls, or trying to tear out my eardrums after hearing the final song from 'My Little Pony Equestria Girls' for the 7685th time.

BakedBeans47 · 01/09/2018 23:34

Oh and I have just boys too. When I was pregnant with the second I would have quite liked a girl just for the one of each thing but as soon as I had him in my arms I realised how irrelevant it is.

mrskittenpie · 01/09/2018 23:37

YABVVVVVVU
Why can't you just be grateful? I hate reading self indulgent posts like this whining about gender disappointment. Be grateful you are able to get pregnant and get a grip.

stayathomer · 01/09/2018 23:38

Have four boys and was always a bit Confused by the comments I got at each asking was this one going to be a girl. I'd say a girl would have been a shock to the system after all the boys! Saying that yanbu because it's how you feel. Hopefully you'll make your peace with it though

jpclarke · 01/09/2018 23:38

I suppose there is that old myth of having a girl for life but only having a boy until they get a wife, but in my experience boys are much more affectionate towards their mothers which is lovely. Obviously, if you were secretly hoping for a girl then you have a right to be disappointed for 5 mins but I think now you need to concentrate on the baby being healthy and well. Having a baby whether boy or girl is such a miracle and whether it's your first or your tenth, that baby deserves to be loved like they are your one and only. Please try to overcome this and love this baby and enjoy your pregnancy you are very lucky to be given the gift of a baby.

Dieu · 01/09/2018 23:39

YANBU.

Clue1ess · 01/09/2018 23:39

YANBU. Yes, I am truly blessed to be able to have children and I love both my boys dearly, but I still sometimes long for DD. You can’t help the way you feel.

Rachie1973 · 01/09/2018 23:39

Course not. You're entitled to your feelings, same as anyone else xxx

TheCookiesCrumbled · 01/09/2018 23:41

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP - you're entitled to have an opinion and feelings based on your OWN circumstances - yes it's tragic some people can't conceive (some of the best Mums I know, have been unable to be biological mothers, but are Mums in every true sense of the word, and put many biological mums to shame - some can't conceive, or adopt, or foster - but this isn't about disrespect compassion or lack of empathy, this is about YOU,and you aren't being unreasonable to be thinking of yourself, for once, instead of, but not ignorant of, everybody else's circumstances) I have two DS, I don't know whether we'll have another baby, nor be fortunate to conceive another, but I do know that, hand on heart, I have grieved for a daughter I'll probably never have, have felt sad to not know what it will be like to be a Mum to a little girl, but have been able to console myself with two beautiful, amazing boys, the dynamics of whose relationship would probably be very different if they were mixed sex - every cloud OP - but I empathise, and I say, be entitled to, and own, and recognise your feelings, don't feel guilty, it doesn't make you love your baby less, acknowledge, and work through your feelings and be proud of yourself for being honest, which in turn helps others, as well as yourself, and selfless, because this post isn't just about you, it's about your baby, and your family - over time I hope that you can recognise what a wonderful and selfless Mum you are,

BakedBeans47 · 01/09/2018 23:41

What do people honestly think is going to be different about having a daughter, beyond tired old gender stereotypes?

shabbs · 01/09/2018 23:42

Thank you all for your kind and touching words. many years have passed since my boys died but I think of them many times each day. xx

TheCookiesCrumbled · 01/09/2018 23:42

...I am also loving all the honesty dips,aged by some other posters on here, I'm more scared by those LOL dolls than a T-Rex!

maras2 · 01/09/2018 23:42

Don't be so bloody silly. Angry

zsazsajuju · 01/09/2018 23:42

I get you op. There’s always no.6...

Cherrysherbet · 01/09/2018 23:43

Of course YANBU. I had two wonderful boys, and then a girl. I was thrilled to have the boys, and then with baby no. 3 I was secretly hoping for a girl. I say secretly, because it's not the 'done thing' to tell people you'd prefer one sex over the other. I would have been disappointed if I hadn't had a Daughter, as I wanted to experience raising both sexes. I wanted to see what my daughter would look/ be like.
I understand what you're saying op.

TheCookiesCrumbled · 01/09/2018 23:45

@shabbs, I just read your post my darling - there aren't the words, but aren't we lucky having the community we have here, and amazing ladies like yourself here to offer support and encouragement xx

LeighaJ · 01/09/2018 23:46

She feels the way she feels saying she's being unreasonable won't change that.

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