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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender disappointment (5th boy)

231 replies

Sequinsglitter · 01/09/2018 21:51

AIBU to be a bit disappointed?
I am really happy to be have my 5th child but i feel a little disappointed as i was so convinced i was having a girl this time around. I think it's partly because it's not what I was expecting but I can't help but want a little girl sometimes with all these boys

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 02/09/2018 09:20

Keep going OP. Someone I know had nine boys, each time hoping it would be a girl. In her case it was 10th time lucky.

Ginger1982 · 02/09/2018 09:23

Wow, be grateful you've been able to have 5!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/09/2018 09:24

I think after this one it might be best to stop.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/09/2018 09:24

I fought hard to have my son though and was told I’d never have kids

sexnotgender · 02/09/2018 09:25

YABVU, the first thing your child has done is to disappoint you. Wow.

You are in the massively privileged position of being able to have children. So many women are utterly desperate to have what you have. Be grateful.

psychedelia · 02/09/2018 09:25

I hoped for a boy and got a boy. I only ever wanted one child.

ADastardlyThing · 02/09/2018 09:28

10th time lucky? That's such a sad way to look at it, like the other 8 times were shit luck.

Chattycat78 · 02/09/2018 09:28

I sort of get what you’re saying. But - I’m afraid I think the bigger picture is far far more important. Be grateful if they are healthy and think of all the people who have struggled to conceive at all. I myself had to have a selective termination of a twin baby at 12 weeks as he or age was too sick to live. My best mate had to have a termination for Down’s syndrome. Be grateful for what you have.

To be honest I also think there’s an environmental impact - the world is overpopulated already but that’s a separate debate.

Chattycat78 · 02/09/2018 09:30

Ps I only have boys (2) and get asked a lot if I’m going to “try for a girl”: I find it insulting as it implies my two boys aren’t “good enough” somehow.

ADastardlyThing · 02/09/2018 09:32

I get that Chatty, "any plans to try for your girl yet?", I really want to say "nope, because I don't want a girl so don't want to run the risk of having a third just in case it is".

Infact I think i will start saying that.

TittyGolightly · 02/09/2018 09:35

Keep going OP. Someone I know had nine boys, each time hoping it would be a girl. In her case it was 10th time lucky.

Not quite so extreme, but know someone who had 6 boys followed, finally, by her desired girl. Her dreams of frilled dresses and rag rolled hair didn’t last long though. She refused anything girly and is captain of a local women’s rugby team. Grin

drspouse · 02/09/2018 09:37

After 4 boys I'd not be surprised to have a fifth.
This. A friend had the first girl in her husband's family for over 100 years. Now THAT was a surprise. If she'd had another baby hoping for a girl that would have been just daft.

Chattycat78 · 02/09/2018 09:38

Yeah it sucks dastardly doesn’t it?
I find it especially insulting after what happened with our poor little twin. At least the boys are healthy!

TeddybearBaby · 02/09/2018 09:38

My best mate had to have a termination for Down’s syndrome. Be grateful for what you have.

I find that quite insulting actually. I have a cousin with Down syndrome. She’s lovely, lives a full life and is a joy! Fine if that’s your view (that’s it’s a reason to terminate) but maybe be aware that it can sound offensive x

Chattycat78 · 02/09/2018 09:40

Not wishing to start an argument but are people really advocating keeping going until you get the sex you desire? Bearing in mind the state the planet is in?

drspouse · 02/09/2018 09:40

I would have gone for gender selection in your situation
Ooh now that's a thought. Just dress the boy in pink, call him Jessica, tell him he doesn't have a penis, he has a girl willy, and sign him up for ballet.
Job done!

BlueCookieMonster · 02/09/2018 09:40

I’d fricking love a household of boys, I have no desire or want for a girl. I’ll admit, I was slightly ‘oh’ when ds2 was announced as a boy. But now I wouldn’t change it for the world, I love my boys and would happily have another in a heartbeat.

Chattycat78 · 02/09/2018 09:42

teddy I’m really sorry. I phrased it badly. It was more about the example of thinking of the wider picture. I’m not suggesting anyone should or should not terminate for that or any reason. Flowers

TeddybearBaby · 02/09/2018 09:44

I know what you meant, it’s fine. It just took my breath away for a minute when I read it and I thought I bet you didn’t mean it like that but it’s better to be aware I think ☺️ X

AlaskaSometimes · 02/09/2018 09:44

This shit fucks me off. If that was your attitude then why did you even get pregnant when it was a 50/50 chance?
Personally both times were ‘oops’ pregnancies with contraception fails. I wanted a girl both times and would have been upset upon learning I was having a boy. Of course though I would have got over it, got excited and loved the baby the same once here. But I’m just sharing how I honestly felt. I always wanted girls for a variety of reasons. Nothing to do with them being ‘girly’ or like me. Mainly I think because I have such an incredible bond with my Mum and I wanted that with my own daughters. I’m sure you can have the same with sons but it’s just where my mind was in pregnancy. There’s no need to be angry with people having gender preferences.

YeOldeFishWife · 02/09/2018 09:45

Honestly OP please ignore the sanctimonious idiots on here.....

In RL you are perfectly entitled to your own feelings and perfectly valid disappointment that you haven't got the daughter you wanted, the same as anyone is entitled to be disappointed they didn't get something they wanted. It will pass. I'm sure you're rational enough not to resent your newest DS.

I still remember the bone crushing disappointment that DS3 wasn't a girl. I already had a DD but I wanted her to have a sister (DD2 died at birth). I got over it soon enough. I still wish I could have had another girl though (and DS3 as well), now more of a wistful feeling than disappointment.

81Byerley · 02/09/2018 09:46

My daughter has a large family of boys, and a baby girl. Boys 19, 8, 7, 5, and 3. She didn't think she'd ever have a girl, and really enjoys her gang of boys. Her baby girl gives her the chance to buy dresses, but she had that anyway, as her four youngest have always loved a "dancing dress" and pink wellies. The point is they are children, gender doesn't really matter a lot. Enjoy your unusual family, boys are lovely!

runningscare · 02/09/2018 09:50

My cousin was told she was having a girl after having 4 boys ... she was over the moon. But when the baby was born it turned out to be a boy .... I had no words for her.

Of course you will love your little person, and all feelings will pass.

GorgonLondon · 02/09/2018 09:51

you might get some lovely DILs and loads of grand daughters to spoil.

Speaking as the DIL of a woman who only had boys and never stopped being resentful of the fact, and has used my daughter as a repository for all of those feelings, smothering her with attention from day 1, trying to disrupt my child's relationship with her own parents, obsessively trying to dress her up as if she's a doll, even at age 8...

Please don't give op the idea that her future granddaughters will be a replacement or a substitute for 'the daughter she never had'.

It has not gone well here.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/09/2018 09:52

While I can understand a degree of disappointment, I do feel sad for kids who may realise later that they were a disappointment, even if it was only fleeting.

I still feel sad about a birth announcement I saw in the paper ages ago - 'To A and B, a fifth and final daughter.' Just that. The poor little thing.