Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender disappointment (5th boy)

231 replies

Sequinsglitter · 01/09/2018 21:51

AIBU to be a bit disappointed?
I am really happy to be have my 5th child but i feel a little disappointed as i was so convinced i was having a girl this time around. I think it's partly because it's not what I was expecting but I can't help but want a little girl sometimes with all these boys

OP posts:
TheCookiesCrumbled · 01/09/2018 23:48

@cherrysherbet, I think I'd be the same - everyone's entitled to their opinion, but sometimes, I feel there isn't a Pugh honesty surrounding these topics - it doesn't me we don't love our sons, or count count our blessings - it just means we are human, and open, and honest (which shouldn't be frowned upon)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/09/2018 23:48

Shabbs

Flowers
LotsToThinkOf · 01/09/2018 23:50

Why do you think a girl would behave any differently? If you don't like being shot at with nerf guns or having your dc stare blankly into a computer screen then parent differently.

Honestly, you sound like you're bored of the boys so you want a girl baby to play with.

alltoomuchrightnow · 01/09/2018 23:50

I have no children and am infertile. I will never have children.
You have no idea how lucky you are.
You are v v v U

BakedBeans47 · 01/09/2018 23:51

Having a slight preference towards one sex is one thing but I have just lost patience with all this self indulgent, navel gazing drivel of “gender disappointment” after several threads on it over the past few days alone.

alltoomuchrightnow · 01/09/2018 23:51

I hope son 5 doesn't ever learn of your disappointment either

BakedBeans47 · 01/09/2018 23:59

She feels the way she feels saying she's being unreasonable won't change that.

She’s posted in AIBU though Confused

Prestonsflowers · 02/09/2018 00:00

Sex not gender from me as well

beclev24 · 02/09/2018 00:04

Yanbu. I have 3DS’s. They are amazing and funny and kind and at times boisterous and quiet and clingy and independent and emotional and tender and aggressive. They love nerf guns and tea parties and art and books and dinosaurs and Star Wars and teddy bears. Between them their traits cross all stereotypes associated with both boys and girls. I am not a gender essentialist and believe that people are individuals.

But still... I always feel sad for the daughter I will never have. It’s not that I believe she would have been this or that that is differently from my sons. But she would have been moving about in the world as a girl/ woman, facing pressures, challenges, expectations etc etc as such. And that is something that I could understand and mentor more easily than many of the expectations and challenges my boys face which I often don’t understand at all. And it is easier and less complicated to enjoy stereotypically ‘girly’ pleasures with a girl than a boy because they don’t come with a huge weight of societal baggage and second guessing. Anyone saying otherwise is kidding themselves

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/09/2018 00:06

I have a DS and a DD (yes I do realise I am fortunate)

Practicalities f life would have been easier with 2 of the same sex.
They could hand down clothes
They could share a room (rather than DS having the front room because bedroom 3 is literally a box)

But I had complete strangers almost interogate me while I was pg with DC2
"Is this your 1st/ Oh what have you got? / Oh you;ll want a girl"
I had people TELLING me I want a girll. Not "are you hoping for a DD?"
One woman even huffed because I didn't tell her the sex , she thought because she asked I had to tell her nosey bat

beclev24 · 02/09/2018 00:06

And the “some people any get pregnant at all” comments are a bit of a non sequitur. By this logic people who are infertile ha e no right to be upset either because some people are starving...etc etc

beclev24 · 02/09/2018 00:07

Some people can’t get pregnant at all

shannonichigo · 02/09/2018 00:07

Yanbu at all. Gender disappointment is very normal and increasingly common.

peppersprayfirstapologiselater · 02/09/2018 00:15

Bless you, op. I understand you, acknowledge it to yourself and then allow yourself to get excited for your brand new baby. Who knows what he will be like!? Congratulations x

PositiveVibez · 02/09/2018 00:15

PM'd you OP Flowers

Mammysin · 02/09/2018 00:20

I come from a large family. I dreamt of having 4 girls. Then after first pg I wanted a boy. Now I have three children ( family complete). Absolutely normal to have dream scenario,but wouldn't change my children for the world.😊

springer5 · 02/09/2018 00:45

YANBU at all in my opinion. We hope for things all the time, and if the outcome is different to what we hoped for then ... we are disappointed. Natural human reaction to things we have limited/no control over. But that doesn't mean that we don't move on from there and get on with life. I am shocked at some of the comments on here - as if you can choose not to be a 'bit disappointed'.

Lisabel · 02/09/2018 01:40

Of course not! I'm sure there are lots of parents of four or five of one gender that would have liked a combination or at least one of the other gender.

The thing now though is to enjoy DS no.5 as an amazing little person with all the potential in the world who can grow up to be an amazing man and who knows maybe to be the Dad of a little granddaughter who you can spoil.

Seabreeze18 · 02/09/2018 02:49

Many women have gender disappointments but unless u are going through it u don’t understand that feeling. Just do a search and u will find many specific groups.

I will always grieve for the girl in my imagination that I never got. Some days it’s more painful than others but improves over time. I’m still exceptionally grateful for my boys and wouldn’t swap them for girls.
U are allowed to feel like this!

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2018 03:14

YADNBU. Everyone has a right to have their own feelings about their own lives.

It's not your fault others cannot have children, or struggle to have them.

We had one baby, struggled to conceive and then adopted. I've got friends who moan about having three kids. It can be annoying so I am sure you will not moan about this around infertile friends. But in private it is perfectly fine to have a feeling or a preference about sex.

I just hope all will go well with the birth and you will bond with your new baby. Thanks

Aridane · 02/09/2018 03:30

To those saying sex not gender, I’m sure we would all have had somewhat different expectations of this thread had it been headed Sex Disappointment!

Fairysnow · 02/09/2018 03:33

Beclev24 you summed it up perfectly.

I have a friend with 12 brothers. She was the 13th and last child Grin

PinkLady01 · 02/09/2018 03:52

You’re not being unreasonable at all if you wanted the baby anyway, not just to have a girl. If you got pregnant because you wanted a girl specifically then YABU.

Does it really matter though? Apparently these days we can just raise them whatever gender we want! Hmm

Livinglavidal0ca · 02/09/2018 03:54

I've got 5 sisters, when I got pregnant, I actually wanted a girl, knew what girls were about. Now I have a son, and I'd love two more sons! 3 boys would be my absolute dream!
I completely understand how you feel though. There's a bit of something when you don't really get what you were hoping for but like in my case, it'll be for the best!

FranticallyPeaceful · 02/09/2018 04:11

I have three children (three sons) and I’m just grateful they are healthy. I feel so genuinely lucky to have three healthy children. Everybody (including my own mum) kept telling me I’d be disappointed if DC3 was a boy... but nope. I still get it now - “are you going to try for a girl?” Hmm no. Absolutely not.

I think YABVU although gender disappointment is a real thing, I definitely don’t think it’s “human nature”, I think it’s a societal issue

Swipe left for the next trending thread