Page 5 | Gender disappointment (5th boy)

Sequinsglitter · 2018-09-01T20:51:30+00:00

AIBU to be a bit disappointed? I am really happy to be have my 5th child but i feel a little disappointed as i was so convinced i was having a girl this time around. I think it's partly because it's not what I was expecting but I can't help but want a little girl sometimes with all these boys

Sunshine365 · 02/09/2018 04:37

Yes yabu, to have five children of any SEX in an overpopulated world is extremely selfish.

To then force GENDER stereotypes on them is further unreasonable.

You are going to be a mother to five children it’s time to grow up.

NotAgainYoda · 02/09/2018 05:48

Not subtle enough. Try 3 next time

safetyfreak · 02/09/2018 05:51

I would have gone for gender selection in your situation.

Zoflorabore · 02/09/2018 06:42

My brother and his ex wife had two girls and decided to try for a last child as finances would only cope with 3.
He was desperate for a son. And got 2.

The twins are now 10 and very much loved but it took its roll on their marriage. They are separated and the main issue was always money. They both worked hard but just struggled with 4.

I think it is often the comments of strangers and even friends and family that bother people too in op's situation.
My friend has recently had a 4th boy and was constantly pitied. I know she wanted a girl and should have stopped at 2 for medical reasons ( she told me this ) but feelings are feelings i suppose and we often have no control over them.

I get told I'm lucky to have "one of each" but there's an 8 year age gap and they aren't close all and finding things to do to suit them both is tough but they are my children and I wouldn't change a thing.

Paradyning · 02/09/2018 07:02

YABVVVVU
Try having a severely disabled child and THEN dare whinge about the sex of the next one.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/09/2018 07:42

Yanbu, so long as it is a temporary disappointment. I have all sons and wouldn't swap them for the world, nor am I planning to 'try for a girl'. I also see that between them they are so different and not at all stereotypical boys (well, one is!).
BUT the same posters who scold women who are momentarily sad about having no daughters will happily post on the million 'nightmare MIL' threads. The 'you don't know how good you have it' bunch saying you should be happy to have dcs at all aren't going on other threads to say that no matter what is going on in their lives, they're lucky not to living in Syria.
In our society there are significant differences about having boys and girls - and we can and do try to change this, but as they get older especially they are influenced a lot by the environment they live in, and so on average, being the parent to a girl is often different to being one to a boy. And you spend so much of life learning how to be a woman, sometimes I just wish someone was interested in my lessons on how to do a black eyeliner flick - and of course not every girl will care, but it's a lot more likely, on balance, than a son! I speak to my mum nearly every day, so do many of my female friends. Hardly any blokes. It doesn't help when every second person you speak to feels so sorry for you either.
Having all boys is wonderful, congratulations OP - and it's fine to have a momentary wobble, but you have 4 already and you know that this one will also be his own little person and perfect the way he is.

TeddybearBaby · 02/09/2018 08:12

Awwwww how confusing for you to have to feel all the ‘right’ things and fighting with your own emotions. I bet you’re beating yourself up as well for not feeling the way ‘you’re supposed to feel’ but I think the truth is acknowledging this is very healthy actually and brave! I love the thought of 5 strapping boys around their mummy and I think aren’t you so lucky but acknowledging your feelings doesn’t make you a bad person it makes you human. It’s just a moment in time, it’ll pass. Congratulations!!

AlaskaSometimes · 02/09/2018 08:14

You’re not unreasonable. I have two girls and desperately wanted a girl both times. I would have been really upset to learn I was having a boy.

TeddybearBaby · 02/09/2018 08:18

Oh and by the way my family would’ve liked me to be a boy esp my brother and when I wasn’t they had to ‘break’ it to him. I even know what my name would’ve been. It hasn’t effected me at all I PROMISE you. I know that it would’ve rounded the family off nicely if I’d been a boy but I also know that I am / was loved beyond measure and they wouldn’t have swapped me for anything so now we laugh about it x

ADastardlyThing · 02/09/2018 08:19

"I don't know a single person in real life who would prefer 3 boys to 2 boys and a girl. Not anything negative about boys just wanting to have a boy and a girl which is pretty universal! Only on MN is it taboo to say you would prefer to have a family of both sexes. YANBU"

Me! I'm not having a third incase it's a girl :)

kaytee87 · 02/09/2018 08:22

I'm pretty sure that after having 2 children of the same sex the chances of having a child of the opposite sex get less with every pregnancy (assuming same father).

SoyDora · 02/09/2018 08:23

I think anyone if honest with themselves having a third child the same sex as the previous two is a bit gutted. I think most people do conceive that third with high hopes it will finally be a boy or a girl, whatever they dont already have

I have 2 of the same, and am pregnant with my 3rd. I would have been ecstatic with another of the same, I’ve only had good experiences with that sex so far.
It’s not the same sex, and I’m equally as happy. However saying that people would be ‘gutted’ if they’re ‘honest with themselves’ is bullshit. Gutted would have been the last thing I felt.

kaytee87 · 02/09/2018 08:27

I think anyone if honest with themselves having a third child the same sex as the previous two is a bit gutted. I think most people do conceive that third with high hopes it will finally be a boy or a girl, whatever they dont already have

I have a boy and would like another boy (won't be having a third), I wouldn't be disappointed with a girl but would probably prefer another boy.

Eminybob · 02/09/2018 08:30

When i said "all these boys" i was thinking of the day I'd had, being shot with nerf guns or ignored as they stare blanky at the tv as they play on their playstation

Um, you do realise that if you you were having a girl it would be just as likely that she would shoot you with nerd guns and play PlayStation? Especially if she has grown up with 4 brothers who do that!

It’s this gender stereotyping that causes these feelings of disappointment you know. Your new baby boy may well grow up to love baking and shopping and all the other stuff you may associate with having a girl.

IVEgotthePOWER · 02/09/2018 08:32

Girls aren't necessarily what you imagine them to be though, they're not a mini you

This. All day long. I have 3 boys and 1 girl. My dd is constantly covered in mud, she doesnt like pink and wont play my little pony with me

Jeezoh · 02/09/2018 08:42

Mum of multiple boys here and, hand on heart, I’ve not had so much as a twinge of feeling “gutted” that I don’t have a daughter. So no-one please assume how I feel or speak for me!

My boys all have different personalities and while they have a lot of shared interests, they’re very different in lots of ways too. My relationship with each one is unique and I genuinely don’t get what having a daughter would offer me that a son can’t. I got the family I was meant to have and I wouldn’t change a thing of it.

I get that SOME people have a gender preference and it must be hard if you don’t get what you want. I’m also sure that lots of people (me included) don’t give a flying fig what’s between their child’s legs (or not!) and are just content with what they’ve been blessed with.

Notveryadventurousname · 02/09/2018 08:47

YANBU OP! You can want and plan for a child /subsequent child and still have a slight internal preference for a boy or girl. You can envision your life with either and it just takes a bit of time to adjust. Doesn't mean you don't love and welcome the baby that has arrived. I had a second boy when hoping for a girl but he was such a lovely baby..... any wistfulness disappeared within days. He is now creative, thoughtful and great company. Later went on to have a DD but she has no truck with dolls, dresses, glitter etc and happiest playing football/muddy etc. All teens now and the differences between them and relationship with me as a parent are much more to do with personality than with gender. So YANBU for feeling disappointed in the short term, it is only natural....but also please don't feel you have missed out on anything..... you've a whole world of potential in your lovely boys!

bridgetreilly · 02/09/2018 08:51

feelings are feelings i suppose and we often have no control over them.

This is the biggest lie of our generation, imo. Of course you can control your feelings. You can recognise them, admit they are wrong, and work to change them. And if your feelings around a new baby include disappointment about its gender, you MUST work to change them.

birdonawire1 · 02/09/2018 09:04

Finding out number 2 was another DS at scan was like being hit with a freight train. I really though he was a girl and I wa horribly disappointed. He’s now 5 and the most gorgeous adorable little poppet alive. A real mini me in appearance and so sweet and loving any desire for a girl has gone.

BakedBeans47 · 02/09/2018 09:11

I would have been really upset to learn I was having a boy.

This shit fucks me off. If that was your attitude then why did you even get pregnant when it was a 50/50 chance? Presumably you managed to find a Male good enough to impregnate you with your precious girls, why are males not good enough for you to give birth to?

heeblejeeble · 02/09/2018 09:12

Yanbu op, I have three boys and my husband and I stopped after two as we both didn't want a third boy. I got the coil happy days, 6 weeks later couldn't feel strings, 2 weeks later nor could the nurse, another week later sent for a scan to make sure it hadn't embedded and found a baby instead! He's a perfect baby boy but I felt so gutted that I'll never know what it's like to have a daughter. Not to dress her in pink as I hate pink but I think it's normal to want to experience parenting both sexes. I recently made friends with a mum of 4 girls and she's desperate for a boy just to experience having a son. Getting together and joking about swapping our brood makes us feel better and realise we wouldn't swap them for anything, the feelings are normal now and once your littlest man is here the feelings will fade. I felt a pang of jealousy when my sister announced she was having a girl after having a boy I just don't understand how the odds for us just never went that way so after 5 OP I totally understand how you'd be feeling so down.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/09/2018 09:15

Really you shoulden't have had that many children due to wanting a girl. If you really wanted to have a girl, go to a clinic to have sex selection. I know I sound harsh, but be happy with what you have.

SoyDora · 02/09/2018 09:16

I just don't understand how the odds for us just never went that way

That’s not really how it works. Every single baby has approximately a 50:50 chance of being a boy or a girl, regardless of what came before it. In fact I believe if you have 2 of a particular sex you’re actually more likely to have another of the same sex, although I haven’t seen an official source for this.

stayathomer · 02/09/2018 09:18

I think anyone if honest with themselves having a third child the same sex as the previous two is a bit gutted. I think most people do conceive that third with high hopes it will finally be a boy or a girl, whatever they dont already have

That's a strange generalization!!! Honestly didn't think about it and when I was forced to by all the people asking I just thought how great it was that I didn't care!!

Whatsforu · 02/09/2018 09:19

This type of thread saddens me. I have 2 ds count myself extremely fortunate. Particularly so as youngest ds had numerous health scares when younger. I have never understood the people who keep trying for a particular sex. My Dad desperately wanted a son, he had too daughters. It was obvioua to us and made our relationship with him difficult.