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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaving dp with ill dd

195 replies

Smarshian · 01/09/2018 19:36

We have 2 dc, DD who is 20 months and ds 11 weeks. I haven't been out with my friends since before ds arrived and organised a night out tonight in a nearby town with friends and to stay at my friends house. This was discussed with dp and agreed a couple of weeks ago. Do also met friends for dinner for a few hours last Saturday night.
DD has had a vomiting bug today and ds has been particularly clingy. I left at 4pm to go to my friends house and have just had a phone call off dp after the kids bedtime and had an earful as do thinks I should have offered to stay as DD was ill.
So was ibu to have gone out anyway?

OP posts:
CoffeeAndCakeEssentials · 01/09/2018 19:38

Would he have cancelled his plans to help you with the kids? There's your answer in my opinion

NapQueen · 01/09/2018 19:39

Depends. If he had a night out planned would he offer/would you expect him to stay behind?

My dh would send me off with an "I got this" wave. As would I to him. But not everyone would.

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2018 19:39

I think I would have stayed.

And would have expected my partner to if it had been his night out.

Not to mention you may be passing the bug on...

DuckAndPancakes · 01/09/2018 19:39

He’s. Their. Parent.

Tell him to grow the fuck up and get on with being a dad.

Singlenotsingle · 01/09/2018 19:41

He might learn a few things and be much better prepared next time

Hecticlifeanddrowning8 · 01/09/2018 19:42

Yes I would have stayed , mainly to keep the new born isolated from the child with the bug. As a new born with a big is no laughing matter.
But as pp said , would he have stayed if it was the other way round?

user1493413286 · 01/09/2018 19:42

I think I would have stayed and also expected DH to do the same. However he should have discussed this with you before you went rather than wait until you’re gone

Merryoldgoat · 01/09/2018 19:43

Would he have cancelled his plans if the situation was reversed?

Personally I’d not have gone as I wouldn’t have wanted to look after them alone in the reverse situation.

RebelRogue · 01/09/2018 19:44

If he would've stayed if the roles were reversed then fair enough but he's still a bit U for not asking.
If he would go without a second thought then he is vvvv U.

As an aside, I would've stayed home but that's because DD only wants me when she is ill. And she's ill so rarely that it would freak me out too much to enjoy myself anyways.

HavelockVetinari · 01/09/2018 19:45

Depends whether it would be the same if he was going out. I'd offer to stay, so would DH - the other one would generally say "go, I've got this" though.

MoodyMumOfOne · 01/09/2018 19:46

I think that is very unkind of him. If he thought he may not cope he should have discussed with you beforehand. An unpleasant call once you are already out will have spoilt your well deserved evening. If the children are already in bed, the call was pointless anyway.

ittakes2 · 01/09/2018 19:47

I would have stayed - and if the roles were reversed I would have expected him to stay too. 20 months is pretty young to have a vomitting bug and they would not understand about needing to go to bucket or toilet if they needed to vomit. It’s also important at that age they are kept hydrated which is tricky if they are vomiting. Distressed child vomiting and young baby needing attention...I would have stayed.

Original poster
Smarshian · 01/09/2018 19:47

He went to Dublin overnight for a friends wedding when ds was 8 days old. We discussed it and I was fine with it as it was his close friend but I feel like he is trying to guilt trip me because DD has been ill. She has been sick but behaving fine otherwise, happy just a bit lethargic.

OP posts:
TroubledLichen · 01/09/2018 19:48

Have you ever looked after the children whilst one was unwell on your own? If he was the one with plans instead and one of the children was sick then would he still have gone out?

If the answer to both of those questions is yes then you were completely justified in cracking on and enjoying your night out.

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2018 19:48

The children are ill.

It's not a tit-for-tat situation.

Hopefully he would have stayed too, but that wouldn't be a deal breaker for me staying.

mumprincess12 · 01/09/2018 19:48

Sorry but I wouldn't dream of staying out overnight if my 20 month old DD was poorly even if there wasn't a baby to think about. I think you're unreasonable.

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/09/2018 19:48

Sorry, what did he expect you to do that he couldn't do himself?? I would happily leave DP with the kids in that situation because he is a grown up & can handle it just as well as I can. He would only have called if the situation changed ie the ill child got worse

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 01/09/2018 19:49

That's a tricky one and I have 4 DC. If one of my young DC was ill and I was away for a night I would be in two minds. I never had the pleasure of an overnight until I stopped breast feeding and they were older than your youngest. Your DH may have a point about being left with two very young ones and one having a sickness bug. That's when couples usually pull together and look after them both. My DC would have always wanted me too when they were ill so I would have likely stayed at home. Although its really up to you to be honest!

gower4 · 01/09/2018 19:50

Is have stayed to keep the newborn isolated

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/09/2018 19:50

Would he feel the same if you were at work & he had to care for the children alone? The situation is no different because you're on a night out imo

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 01/09/2018 19:51

anyway your away now so get off MN and enjoy your night

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 01/09/2018 19:51

I would have stayed, but I know in that situation my dp would have stayed in too so that may be clouding my judgement a bit. Looking after a 20 month old with a bug, checking they are ok, hydrated, temperatures etc would be more difficult if also watching a newborn. However I do think he should have mentioned this to you before you went out, rather than calling you after you had gone

Helpmeyouyetti · 01/09/2018 19:51

Why would he call you after you left ?
Would he have changed his plans if it were his night out ?
They’re his dc too. He can manage for one bloody night.

mumprincess12 · 01/09/2018 19:51

Surely it's different overnight rather than just at work? We're not just talking about a night out?

Star81 · 01/09/2018 19:52

It doesn’t take 2 adults to look after a child unless seriously ill which they are not.

He is being unreasonable

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