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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaving dp with ill dd

195 replies

Smarshian · 01/09/2018 19:36

We have 2 dc, DD who is 20 months and ds 11 weeks. I haven't been out with my friends since before ds arrived and organised a night out tonight in a nearby town with friends and to stay at my friends house. This was discussed with dp and agreed a couple of weeks ago. Do also met friends for dinner for a few hours last Saturday night.
DD has had a vomiting bug today and ds has been particularly clingy. I left at 4pm to go to my friends house and have just had a phone call off dp after the kids bedtime and had an earful as do thinks I should have offered to stay as DD was ill.
So was ibu to have gone out anyway?

OP posts:
TwoOddSocks · 01/09/2018 22:19

Pissedoffdotcom

Haha you're probably much more of a child puking pro the me then! I seem to end up with every possible sheet, blanket and piece of soft furnishing covered in sick and all of us in tears!

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/09/2018 22:21

TwoOddSocks the secret is layering 😂 and having good reflexes if small ones miss the bowl.

I'm an oddball i know. Sick i can handle. When DS first arrived i was glad DD was at school for a few days so i could acquaint myself with this new body that needed me

TwoOddSocks · 01/09/2018 22:23

I'll remember the layer trick! Should work on my reflexes too!

biscuittime · 01/09/2018 22:27

I would of stayed home, an 11 week old is tiny and I didn't leave any of mine for at least 6 months

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/09/2018 22:33

Tbf reflexes fail when you're knackered. But you get to know the sounds & movements of a kid about to throw up. Nothing makes you move faster than that initial gip sound...

DS is 10 weeks & i leave him once a week to swan off to training. Bad mum

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 01/09/2018 22:40

@biscuit the op wasn't asking if it was appropriate to leave an 11 week old (with their other parent who should be just as capable) you sound very judgy and I'm sure op could do without that.

lily2403 · 01/09/2018 22:49

I don’t understand why you posted op, you clearly think you are in the right anyway, especially when telling people to fuck off when you don’t like their response Hmm

My DH would have managed just fine but in saying that me personally I would have cancelled my plans, probably much to the protest of my DH. Wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself knowing Dc was poorly

At almost 11pm on a sat evening out with friends I would say you are merry and having fun Grin
You do whatever is right for your family

timeisnotaline · 01/09/2018 22:53

I’d probably be on my own as I am not sure my relationship would have recovered from dh going to a wedding leaving me with an 8do and a toddler. As it happens I have a baby and a toddler. 8 days in, let me see, what was I doing? I think it was the first day I could move without serious pain following a procedure 6 days pp prior to which I could barely sit up.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 01/09/2018 23:00

I wouldn’t have gone. i wouldn’t have had a good time knowing he was at home with a puking toddler, trying to comfort her, clean her up, change the bed (again & again) etc all whilst dealing with a crying clingy 11 week old baby...of course you crack on with it if you have to, but if you can keep the kids apart and reduce the risk of the baby getting it, and help comfort DD or clean up why wouldn’t you? Surely a normal night out isn’t something that you can't reschedule.

However, he was completely unreasonable to call you to whinge. He should have let you enjoy your night out, unless DD deteriorated and he really needed you to go home

I hope DD is feeling better tomorrow and the baby doesn’t get it.

FapandSnart · 01/09/2018 23:08

I think you are both BVU.

YABU to go out and stay overnight when your kid is unwell and he was BVU leaving you with a toddler and an 8 day old. I would have gone mental at him for that.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m no martyr and I don’t think parents should sacrifice their social life once they have children. If both kids were fine then yep, go out and have a ball as you deserve to be yourself as well as being a Mum/partner.

But if I went out knowing my kid was sick, I know personally I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself because I would be worrying how she was doing even though my husband is more than capable of looking after her and if I had gone out anyway I would want to at least go home at the end of the night relatively sober so I could be there the next day just in case.

I guess if the tables were turned with the exact same circumstances and you were at home with a sick toddler and a very young baby and he expected you to be fine that he was going out and he left you to get on with it, would you be bothered? If you would be then YABU. If you wouldn’t then he shouldn’t be calling you to moan unless he really needed you back home.

crimsonlake · 02/09/2018 00:06

Exactly it is not tit for tat, however I could not have left my sick child and new baby for an over nighter night out in the first place.

Queenofthestress · 02/09/2018 00:19

I think you are being unreasonable, no way would I have left my DP with a sick toddler and a baby to go on a night out, but he was being unreasonable to swan off to a wedding when the baby was first born. It's not tit for tat, you should have stayed home imo

Banana8080 · 02/09/2018 06:14

He’s being a bit of a spoilt tit. Don’t feel guilty.

LotsToThinkOf · 02/09/2018 06:25

I would have stayed in, if my children are ill it's what I do. Plenty of friends do the same and plenty don't. But honestly, you should have rearranged the night out and been with your family. I'd expect the same from your DH. Nights out have to be on the backburner.

TeeBee · 02/09/2018 07:15

Meh, they have two parents. Kids are always bloody sick; they'll survive. He needs to woman up a bit.

BellyDancer124 · 02/09/2018 07:41

You haven’t been out since before the baby arrived? The baby is only 11 weeks lol some mother said go months/years without a night to themselves. I think you know that you’re being unreasonable OP otherwise you wouldn’t have started this thread.

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 08:15

some mother said go months/years without a night to themselves.

Nothing to be proud of. Quite the opposite.

IAmAllAstonishment · 02/09/2018 08:23

I wouldn’t dream of staying away for the night with a poorly DD and 8week old DS.

Whether DP would or not it’s irrelevant, Is parenting entirely about equality? If you have an issue with your husbands commitment to the children take it up with him after your DD is better.

I think you were a little unreasonable and borderline selfish to go.

kaytee87 · 02/09/2018 08:30

Nothing to be proud of. Quite the opposit

I think it depends what's meant by 'night out' op has been pregnant so it would be perfectly normal for her not to have a night out since before getting pregnant, if night out to her means getting drunk.

n0ne · 02/09/2018 08:49

I wouldn't have gone out. DH is perfectly capable of managing such a situation but it would have been horrible for him. I couldn't enjoy myself on a night out knowing he was dealing with that, and he wouldn't leave me alone to do it either. It's a partnership, you're supposed to help each other! FWIW I do go out occasionally and he happily parents the DCs while I'm gone, it's the fact that one is sick and the other is tiny.

He shouldn't have phoned you and shouted, though.

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 08:59

Genuine question.

Please flip the mum and dad roles around here and imagine you are a fly on the wall at the pub when dad receives a call like this from mum.

How would the men react when the call was ended...

Would they be shocked he’d left the mum to go out?

Would they be taking the piss that he’d had a telling off?

Would they be packing him off home in a taxi saying that knew plenty of dads who go months, even years without a night to themselves?

Would they ask, “what would she do if you were at work?”

Would they muse, “but you know sons only want their daddy when they are poorly, but harsh mate...”?

Would they tell the dad, “your call, but I couldn’t leave my kids when they are ill...”?

Would they take the piss and wind him up about being in the dog house.... and order another round?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/09/2018 09:08

I'm surprised that an almost three month old baby is being described as a 'newborn'.

If your DH had wanted you to stay at home then he should have asked you, not bollocked you on the phone later.

As for those who have won't leave their kids for a night out until they're about 15, please don't end up like my friend who now feels her life is over as her DS is off to uni later this month.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 09:10

Any man with a bit of decency wouldn't have gone in the first place.

I guess it depends if his mates are selfish tossers like him to how they'd react to the wife ringing up.

I know my DH would understand and tell his friend to get home quick and that he hopes everything is ok. He'd most likely tell him he was selfish for coming out in the first place too.

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 09:14

Oh eye roll duck. Your post makes no sense and contradicts itself.

Either he wouldn’t have gone and you wouldn’t have an answer for how they’d react, or he would have gone, proving your first sentence in to be nonsense.

Also... did you mean to cruelly imply the op was a ‘selfish tosser’ or did you get confused?

I’d rather be a bit selfish than a bit cruel.

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 09:16

Sorry duck misread your post.

Last paragraph actually shows your husband is a fan of sticking the boot in too. You are well matched.

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